Is it normal to seem like the happiest person yet be suicidal..?

Be an asshole and stop being there for everybody else? See what happens, lol.

Let yourself go. Devise a bucket list. Go on a long road trip. Do a bunch of things. Have you been skydiving yet?

Maybe instead of suicide you should turn to SLEEP. It's a great relief. You're off in dreamland for at least 8+ hours.

Another options is music. You know, "Music on, world off" which gives your mind release.

Depression and anxiety are normal to the human experience. Some people are just better at avoiding either. I think they're just highly active people that aren't drawn into their own thoughts. It's not good to let your thoughts runaway because sometimes our perception of life can be bullshit. You may want to try tuning out whatever you think is so bad, and actively change your habits. Its difficult to have anxiety or depression of you're doing something immersive like dancing, or playing music, of you like either one.

It's not a bad idea to get yourself a qualified therapist to help guide you. Even better, has to be a support group. If you don't have one, maybe you could launch one, locally through meetup.com, or something like it?

Anyways, if you're known as a joker, it's possible that those that know you believe you have everything together. They may see you as a lighthearted person that carries no troubles, even if you know that's not the case, and you want them to be there for you. Okay, that might take having an open and sincere talk with these people, or whichever friend or family member you feel you can confide in.

Hey at least you have friends around you :) And someone to at least say something to

Some people have no friends

I can't believe Chester Benington is gone:/ so sad

There are some people who are suffering from depression but does not know it. I've heard people who are like you (happy outside, sad inside). Please, seek some help. I know I'm just a stranger on the internet but I'm actually worried about you haha kinda corny, huh? But seriously, I am. Please tell your family and friends about it. If you're not ready to tell them yet, you can talk to your counselor (or therepists, doctor etc) about it and continue to call suicide hotlines like you've been doing:)

You sound intelligent and sometimes intelligent people have to deal with depression and anxiety too, I understand how you feel but if you want other members of your family to acknowledge your feeling you have to tell them, tell them that it's serious and how it makes you feel having those feeling and not being taken seriously. I deal with anxiety too and people see me as a very chill person even though there is a mess going on my head and not a lot of people understand they try to classify you based on a few characteristics but you and other people too have more dimensions to their personality and most of the people don't understand how that's possible, this is important to be understood the fault it's not in you or me but in the fact that others just don't have the capacity or knowledge to understand our personalities..

Yes, I am super happy at dance and during the school year I am depressed as hell. But I got help and I will get better. You can too, when you think others don't understand..(they don't) but getting a therapist was the best choice I ever made. The hardest part was telling my parents and having them hear the word depression, but they got me help! I'm getting help. I can help you too.

Also if you have a minute please check my post.