Is it normal to not stand my mom and she doesn't realizes it?

I am 30 years old and I can't remember a time that I actually liked my mom. She wasn't mean to me, didn't abuse me or anything, never kicked me out. But she was very controlling, lied to me, and still is very manipulative. I have grown to be just the opposite. I don't like the way she divorced my father and I don't like the choices she has made in her life. She makes all wrong choices for herself including her finanical situation and marrying a guy that I don't like. My brother and my sister feel the same way. Now that my mom lives in driving distance, I'm having a really hard time with it. She wants to talk to me everyday and it seems like no matter how mean I am she just doesn't get the picture. Then when she asks why I am saying mean things, I tell her what upset me to say them, and she starts crying and having a pity party and tells me she is going through a lot of things and that I'm mean. I would like to have a good relationship with my mother, but I know that we are 2 totally dfferent people and to have a great relationship where we communicate and I can tell her things may not be realistic. I just don't want to be so miserable when I talk to her or when I'm around her. I just started to see a therapist so hopefully that will helpe a little. Any advice?

Is It Normal?
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 4 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • When you have children you need to make choices based on them not on selfishness. My mom made really bad choices too and as a result she broke the family apart. I feel bad for you because I'm in like the exact same situation. My mom wonders why I don't visit but if I do I have to watch what I say and walk on eggshells or her husband will freak out and start breaking things... Oh and I travel 7 hours just so he won't let my sister or mom spend anytime with me WTF? And she let's this go on.... Why would I want to drive that far to see her anyway. She left me with nothing... Nowhere to live and no money to eat or anything at 19. Ugh anyway just live your own life. Your mom has to live with the choices she has made... Pushing you away was a direct result of her selfishness. It's her fault not yours. I'm sure you have already suffered enough.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Seeing a therapist should help. Some people (like my mom, too, and her mom) are completely incorrigible. They have defense mechanisms built up and consider criticism an insult, and a weakness on the part of the person saying the criticism. They may end up making you feel bad and victimized, but that's just how these people are. *shrugs* I guess you just have to learn to be the better person.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Her life = Her choices. She's your mother FFS!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • I am 23 and I have the same almost exact relationship with my mom but be good to her and let go and let god you only get one mother...sit down and pour your feelings out to her she may not even know what's really going on with you she can't read minds ..I need to take my own advice so I'm going to get off the site and talk to mom

    Comment Hidden ( show )