Why would you ever love another man's child? Though 15 is hardly a child—they're a full-fledged person who you have no influence in helping raise. You'll never be anything more than a meal ticket, so do yourself a favor and stop pretending to be the father of this young man/woman.
Your wife made a huge mistake with a guy who left her, and this kid is the damaged byproduct. It's unfortunate and a bad situation for a fellow to get himself into.
Why do you assume the wife made a huge mistake? The kid's father may have died for all you know and there's no evidence the kid is a "damaged byproduct" - that's a very weird way to describe a human being, by the way.
I assume because divorces are far more common than deaths are. By death or divorce, however, this child was raised without a father figure. You may not believe it, but being raised without a dad messes you up on a deep and psychological level.
'Damaged' is a crude but true way to describe these kids.
Honestly, this is a pretty bad situation. Especially at this age, if the child was very young and the father long gone (or dead) that's different. This isn't the case. You really aren't going to be anything other than a money dispensing adult that lives with this 15 yr old. And they will never truly listen to you, so be prepared to hear "you can't tell me what to do, you aren't my father".
There's no turning back now because if there was, I would tell you NOT to marry her. In this day and age in western society men (especially men with wealth) shouldn't consider marriage anyway, but that's a whole different topic.
I don't think this marriage will last very long, this 15 yr old will be very difficult. Good luck.
That's quite a pessimistic outlook. See the kid doesn't hate me, we've never gotten into arguments and I don't ask him to do anything. The think I'm looking for is something akin to a father son relationship, though I know this will never happen to the extent that I would like. For the sake of transparency the kid's dad died before the kid was born.
As for the marriage nothing so far has impacted it. I've been happily married for a year now and I have to say that the woman I married is worth it.
Maybe the question I should be asking is how the prognosis looks? Is there a chance, maybe years down the line, where both the kid and I can feel a bond towards each other? I refuse to give up and call it quits, there's too much on the line for me to leave now.
Alright, well the father not being in the picture AT ALL certainly changes things. I think what you are doing is noble and you have a great outlook. Based on that positivity, you have a very good chance. Your patience and fortitude will be your strength.
I wouldn't do this myself, but that doesn't make my outlook "correct". I want to tell you that years down the line the kid will be appreciative of you and all you have to offer. The realist in me is still wary, but I think you have a great attitude.
Why would you even be considering leaving? This kid won't be around for ever anyway and you've done your best by the sound of it. Stop stressing and enjoy your marriage!
As to the future with the kid, who knows? And what does your wife think about all this?
IIN to not love my stepchild?
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Why would you ever love another man's child? Though 15 is hardly a child—they're a full-fledged person who you have no influence in helping raise. You'll never be anything more than a meal ticket, so do yourself a favor and stop pretending to be the father of this young man/woman.
Your wife made a huge mistake with a guy who left her, and this kid is the damaged byproduct. It's unfortunate and a bad situation for a fellow to get himself into.
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Ellenna
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Anonymous Post Author
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Why do you assume the wife made a huge mistake? The kid's father may have died for all you know and there's no evidence the kid is a "damaged byproduct" - that's a very weird way to describe a human being, by the way.
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riffraffy
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I assume because divorces are far more common than deaths are. By death or divorce, however, this child was raised without a father figure. You may not believe it, but being raised without a dad messes you up on a deep and psychological level.
'Damaged' is a crude but true way to describe these kids.
I want to love them because, whether I like it or not, they're family now, and family needs to stick together.
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BetaMale
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Honestly, this is a pretty bad situation. Especially at this age, if the child was very young and the father long gone (or dead) that's different. This isn't the case. You really aren't going to be anything other than a money dispensing adult that lives with this 15 yr old. And they will never truly listen to you, so be prepared to hear "you can't tell me what to do, you aren't my father".
There's no turning back now because if there was, I would tell you NOT to marry her. In this day and age in western society men (especially men with wealth) shouldn't consider marriage anyway, but that's a whole different topic.
I don't think this marriage will last very long, this 15 yr old will be very difficult. Good luck.
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That's quite a pessimistic outlook. See the kid doesn't hate me, we've never gotten into arguments and I don't ask him to do anything. The think I'm looking for is something akin to a father son relationship, though I know this will never happen to the extent that I would like. For the sake of transparency the kid's dad died before the kid was born.
As for the marriage nothing so far has impacted it. I've been happily married for a year now and I have to say that the woman I married is worth it.
Maybe the question I should be asking is how the prognosis looks? Is there a chance, maybe years down the line, where both the kid and I can feel a bond towards each other? I refuse to give up and call it quits, there's too much on the line for me to leave now.
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Ellenna
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Alright, well the father not being in the picture AT ALL certainly changes things. I think what you are doing is noble and you have a great outlook. Based on that positivity, you have a very good chance. Your patience and fortitude will be your strength.
I wouldn't do this myself, but that doesn't make my outlook "correct". I want to tell you that years down the line the kid will be appreciative of you and all you have to offer. The realist in me is still wary, but I think you have a great attitude.
That counts for something in this crazy world.
Why would you even be considering leaving? This kid won't be around for ever anyway and you've done your best by the sound of it. Stop stressing and enjoy your marriage!
As to the future with the kid, who knows? And what does your wife think about all this?
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I'm not considering leaving, I was just trying to say that I'm not going to give up on this.