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One day out of the blue she blew up on me saying that she thinks some day in the future I will cheat and kicked me out. We've known each other 9 years serious 4 years. She just divorced and broke up with me a week later.
That doesnt add up. Are you sure you didnt cheat or she didnt catch you doing something sneaky?
Sometimes ppl just miss what they don't have. Men mostly will treat women like crap(not saying you) and then wonder why. Just let it go.
I thought I was making her happy. Giving her from back massages to full body (not sexual) massages. Every single night!
She also claimed that she was on her period for 2 months straight. So for me no sex.
Yeah i've done that. You don't just magically stop loving someone just because they turn out to be an asshole, it's not that simple. Once you have those feelings you just gotta live with them until they fade on their own. What you can do is focus on why it didn't work out and try to see it as a good thing that it ended because now you can move forward in life and be open to meet someone who'll care about you.
A lot of people confuse the difference between missing someone and missing what they represented. This woman was with you for almost a decade, you made many memories (lots of them good I'd imagine). There was a feeling of safety in the knowledge that you're desired by your significant other. It sounds like she didn't care for whatever reason. Don't give up on love, it's okay to miss her but NEVER return to someone who broke you.