Is it normal to have low self esteem from childhood?

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Hey, I am a 21 year old female. I am a pretty girl with a perfect boyfriend that treats me like a princess. The problem is, I don't feel pretty and I have a really low self esteem. I use humour to mask my emotions and have always been "the funny girl" that like to make people laugh.
Anyways, when I was younger (around 10 years of age) my older cousin ( around 22 at that time) abused me sexually. It happened just 2 or 3 times and I told him to stop each time and I went to find my parents(we were downstairs at my grandparents house when this occured). The thing is, I have never told my parents what he did to me and I don't know why. I have always had a healthy relationship with my parents, my mom is one of my best friends.
Anyways, i was just wondering if anyone else has had an experience like this.
The only person I have ever told this to was my boyfriend of 4 years, and he was very comforting. The only reason I told him is because I trust him not to say anything. I think about this incident a lot and I was just wondering if it's normal, and how to stop thinking about it.
The cousin that did this to me just got out of jail for drug traffiking and added me on facebook. He tries talking to me like nothing ever happened. Should I confront him or just delete him.

I need some good advice. Please, no jokes!

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Comments ( 7 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Megan10
    12 years ago | pl

    Thanks everyone for ur comments and opinions! I honestly don't know why I even accepted his add on facebook. I guess I just wanted to see if he would apologize or say something but he didn't. So I deleted him. Anyways, I came home for the long weekend from school and I plan to talk to my mom about it. If I get the courage haha

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  • emilydoll
    12 years ago | pl

    Do NOT talk to him or have any contact with him. Trust me. He isn't worthy of communicating with you. What he did was SICK and twisted. To even look at you that way is sick and twisted. I know by experience. Delete him.

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  • lc1988
    12 years ago | pl

    This kind of thing happened to me when I was about 7ish but it was one of my brother's friends. I forgot about this incident until I read your story. ugh. It's just one of those things I keep boxed up until something brings it back out but I haven't seen the dude in yearss so I guess that makes it easier. Your story just really startled me because I'm also 21...well 22 tomorrow (gross) and sounds like our personalities are alike.
    Thank you mrsbailey for the advice to me as well!
    I'm also the "funny girl" but I always thought it was my way of drawing peoples attention away from my diabetes. Kids were cruel in middle school and it was my way to cope.

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  • MrsBailey9
    12 years ago | pl

    You have to tell someone other than your boyfriend what happened. Doesn't matter how long ago, do it and do it now!
    Delete that idiot from Facebook and have no further contact with him. You do not have to forgive him. Don't. You aren't ready.
    Get yourself into therapy. Talk to a professional about what happened and press formal charges against that man who violated you.
    When the time is right, if ever, you can forgive, although I doubt you will ever forget.
    You have a tough road ahead of you, but you can do this, by reaching out on here, you have proven to yourself that you are ready. I don't know you, but I support you and I encourage you to take these steps. This man deserves to be punished for his CRIMES. You know that. You can do this. I believe your boyfriend and your family will support and encourage you as well. Love is a very powerful healing tool. You have love in your heart, use it as your strength as you embark down this road. I wish you the best. Please keep us posted.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago | pl

    dacholoatesuperman said it

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  • dachocolatesuperman87
    12 years ago | pl

    I wouldn't make it confrontational but let him know how it affected your life and that you forgive him. Sometimes as children and teens we made bad decisions that we really didn't know the magnitude that it would change someone else's life forever. Forgive him and I believe things will change for you.

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