Is it normal to hate myself this much? is it unhealthy? (read description)

ABOUT ME: 23, male, privileged, well-do-do. Very shy, 6'2", decent looks. Still living at home, studying engineering at a university with 3 more years to go after this one is done. Failing 3 of my 5 classes, will disappoint my parents.

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I had a meeting with a chemistry tutor today - a woman in her 30's. The mere fact that she is successful and is studying for her Ph.D. made me feel very belittled by contrast - even though she was a really nice person. I felt so bad that I was trying to hold back tears.

When I go to my Resident-Student Association at my school, there are 2-3 beautiful women on the executive board. I just ASSUME that they have their lives together and are much more responsible, self-directed, etc. than I am.

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Is this unhealthy or abnormal?

Voting Results
75% Normal
Based on 8 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • abnormoth

    Beating yourself up over it won't help anything. Work on your self-esteem and your work habits (the two boost each other). Is it just a coincidence that you keep comparing yourself to women? Successful women shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself, because theres no reason men should normally be more successful. It's normal to struggle in school, and you can definitely change. I used to get horrible grades and now I'm all As and Bs. Talk to a guidance counselor/therapist/etc. Get a planner. Have friends help motivate you. You'll be ok!

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  • How about studying harder? Why do you need to contrast your own failures eith other women's success just to feel bad about your situation? Why do you feel "privileged"? If you are not careful with that concept of privilege, you'll end up misusing it. Just study harder and work more on your technique. You identified your problem as being failure at thr University. Now attack this problem and stop deviating towards other things, like smarter women who make you feel bad about it. Once you solve your problem, these feelings will diminish and eventually disappear

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  • itachi_uchiha

    It's normal & more common than you think there are many people who thinks that other person life is perfect but everybody regrets something(s) in their lives sure its not healthy

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  • TheOishome

    It is normal and definitely not healthy. I'm not a shrink or even have a background in psychology but I do know that everyone puts themselves down by comparing themselves to others.
    I do all the time but in reality we're all harbouring many insecurities. Ilt comes down to what's important to you in your life, maybe you really want to do well in your career or maybe to you family and friends and having a good time is more important.
    Those are just two examples but there are many paths in life one can take to feel good about oneself and it's important not to compare yourself too much to other people, because everybody always puts their best self forward so we don't see what they feel inside we don't see their perceived 'problems' and you can prove quite easily that others do this by looking at yourself because you also do the same thing, you're posting about an insecurity anonymously on the internet because people aren't open about these things and that's totally fine but it's important to know that the Beautiful lady on the executive board doesn't have everything figured out.
    I hope this helped even if only a little. One last thing I'd really recommend though, is that you listen to a few Alan Watts lectures, I guarantee you'll get a lot from them you can find them on YouTube pick a title that relates to you and listen you won't be disappointed they really help me when I'm feeling down

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  • Dustyair

    That's probably a lot more common these days. Women are very smart, and successful people. As men it's easy to be intimidated by this, and even judge ourselves harshly if we don't match them or surpass them. So I wouldn't get too hung up on it if I were you, just try to concentrate your own goals, small or large.

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    • While I do get it more strongly around women, I experience it around successful/well-to-do men, too.

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  • nikkiclaire

    I too, am above average in looks 😂😂

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    • ACfireandiceDC

      Okay, but can you answer my question?

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      • nikkiclaire

        It's normal but not healthy. You never know what is going on in peoples private lives. There are lots of messed up people around. They may have their act together, they may be holding on by a thread. Who knows.

        Keep your side of the street clean and try not to compare yourself to others.

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