Is it normal to hate my sister's boyfriend?

My little sister is thirteen years old, six years younger than me. I'm especially protective over her because I helped raise her after my mother left us. Even though we're like Yin and Yang when it comes to personality, I really just want to keep her happy and safe. Anyway, I recognized that she was getting to that age where she would date people. Of course I didn't want to imagine my baby sister dating anyone but I was prepared for it to happen.

Then Jalen came along. He's a year older than her, pretty awkward looking; but he made her happy so I rode along with it. I figured it wouldn't last too long anyway. As I expected, a few weeks later she came to me crying after he cheated on her. His explanation was that she hadn't talked to him enough and he was lonely. I thought I had taught her well enough how to respect herself, but one emoji ridden paragraph with no punctuation later she was proclaiming that Jalen is her true love. He continues to threaten to kill himself if she doesn't shower him with attention, call her names, and say things across the line of "if you loved me you'd...". She spends all her allowance buying him things. Its gotten way out of hand, and I don't know what to do. I'm especially afraid because nearly every woman in my family is physically abused, including my mom by her new boyfriend. I know she's imitating the relationships that she sees.

I just also know that she's 13. Maybe I'm taking this too seriously, maybe I shouldn't hate a 14 year old, maybe I should step away from the situation. I know that being a strict figure would push her away from me and into this relationship. She's heard my opinions but maybe she just needs to see on her own. My sister also can't actually date so she can't see him, but he's supposed to meet her at a theme park for her birthday party soon. I've always gone but I honestly don't even want to see him. I know I'll just be angry and stand-offish which might just make her sad.

This is especially difficult because even though I've acted as a mother figure, I'm NOT her mother and I can't punish her in any form or enact any rules against this. I've told my dad, but taking her electronics away to stop communication only makes her like him more.

Anyway, what should I do? Is feeling this way normal?

Voting Results
89% Normal
Based on 18 votes (16 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • Dictator_endme

    He sounds like a horrible, toxic person. Try to talk to her about how she should be treated in a relationship, not being specific about him. Just say stuff like if someone threatens to kill themselves they are trying to manipulate her and she should know that if they are trying to be in control then they're toxic because people are supposed to meet eachother half way in a good relationship. Try to not point any fingers at Jalen so she doesn't get upset. And make sure she knows if she sends him nudes then he can show people and tell the school and she can get in big trouble.

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    • bigrichard69

      Definitely a good idea. She's at a dumb age and with the not-so-great influence from her mom, she might not learn from it if she isn't consulted.

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  • steeb788

    It's completely normal to hate your sister's boyfriend, especially given the situation. I'm currently in a similar situation with my own sister, and while I can't speak for every sister, they won't listen to anything their friends/relatives say about their boyfriend and have to see it on their own. All you can do is hope she realizes that Jalen is a dick and dumps him.

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  • khorne

    he sounds like a horrible little nice guy puke, absolutely degenerate

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