First, I'm a guy and I wasn't sexually abused as a kid, so I'm very aware that I have no true understanding of what your experience was like.
A couple of comments, though.
You say the doctor got a "cold, harsh look on her face" and the way she asked your grandmother for permission to give you an internal exam was demeaning and the exam itself felt like punishment to you. That is your interpretation of what you saw and what was done, but we should all be open to the possibility that our interpretation of any situation may be wrong.
I think you need to understand that medics have procedures that their governing bodies and insurers have determined to be best practice in certain circumstances and the law also requires them to handle some situations in a particular way. Those rules may have affected how the doctor dealt with you.
Also, doctors are only human. What you read as coldness on the face of the doctor could have been an impassive professional mask she put on to hide her alarm, or perhaps it was a reflection of how she immediately started concentrating on thinking through possibilities and the options open to her. For all you know, she could have had personal experience of self-abuse that followed sexual assault, and seeing signs of your self-harm triggered her. Or perhaps there was something about your body language or how you and your grandmother interacted that led her to suspect that your grandmother might have been either harming you herself or she was complicit in others harming you, and the doctor asking her permission to examine you was mainly because she wanted to see how she responded to her request. If she had refused, that would probably have been a huge red flag that something very nasty was going on.
You read the situation as you read it, and you felt what you felt. But nobody is capable of reading the mind of another person, and we all are often mistaken in how we interpret the facial expressions of others and we frequently fail to understand the true motivations behind what they do and say. It sounds like your head was definitely not in a good place when you were seventeen, and I'd suggest that you also consider that nobody of that age has enough experience of life and people to make accurate assessments of why people do the things they do.
You're obviously free to never again see a doctor, but you have to understand that this is something that's very likely to cause you serious problems sooner or later.
IIN to feel sexually assaulted by at a normal doctor exam?
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First, I'm a guy and I wasn't sexually abused as a kid, so I'm very aware that I have no true understanding of what your experience was like.
A couple of comments, though.
You say the doctor got a "cold, harsh look on her face" and the way she asked your grandmother for permission to give you an internal exam was demeaning and the exam itself felt like punishment to you. That is your interpretation of what you saw and what was done, but we should all be open to the possibility that our interpretation of any situation may be wrong.
I think you need to understand that medics have procedures that their governing bodies and insurers have determined to be best practice in certain circumstances and the law also requires them to handle some situations in a particular way. Those rules may have affected how the doctor dealt with you.
Also, doctors are only human. What you read as coldness on the face of the doctor could have been an impassive professional mask she put on to hide her alarm, or perhaps it was a reflection of how she immediately started concentrating on thinking through possibilities and the options open to her. For all you know, she could have had personal experience of self-abuse that followed sexual assault, and seeing signs of your self-harm triggered her. Or perhaps there was something about your body language or how you and your grandmother interacted that led her to suspect that your grandmother might have been either harming you herself or she was complicit in others harming you, and the doctor asking her permission to examine you was mainly because she wanted to see how she responded to her request. If she had refused, that would probably have been a huge red flag that something very nasty was going on.
You read the situation as you read it, and you felt what you felt. But nobody is capable of reading the mind of another person, and we all are often mistaken in how we interpret the facial expressions of others and we frequently fail to understand the true motivations behind what they do and say. It sounds like your head was definitely not in a good place when you were seventeen, and I'd suggest that you also consider that nobody of that age has enough experience of life and people to make accurate assessments of why people do the things they do.
You're obviously free to never again see a doctor, but you have to understand that this is something that's very likely to cause you serious problems sooner or later.