Is it normal to feel really down after finding out my boyfriend watches porn

I can absolutely empathize with the girls here. Despite what I hear and read about how it's ok for men to look at porn, I just can't accept it. It makes me feel so inadequate. Isn't it if a man loves you, he will make you feel beautiful? How can you feel beautiful when you know he stares at all these naked girls with big boobs behind your back? How can he say he loves you when he can't stop doing the one thing you hate? Is he going to do it when I'm not available, sick, overseas, working or pregnant? I recently broke up with my bf of two years because of this very issue. There was a period of time where he promised me he won't look at it, and it was true to my knowledge. But then he went through a tough time and succumbed to it. I was devastated. I found myself thinking about it all the time, it was starting to interfere with my work. He was as apologetic as one could be, but I felt so betrayed that in the end I chose to leave. I still think about it everyday, and it makes me feel so sad. I don't know if I will ever get over it...

OMG. I feel that way too! I know it's normal for guys to watch porn. But like u, i feel like my body is not enough 4 him. I get this weird feeling in my stomach and I tend to cry when I think about this.

You have the right to feel uncumfy. Porn is one of those things the media uses to make money and influence everyone in today's society. It is not normal because when humans first came around, they didn't need porn to satisfy themselves. Like I said , it's just a creation by the media to influence people and sort of brainwash them and distract them from reality. It's like a fake happyness. You should tell him that you feel uncomfortable and keep pushing until he listens. My boyfriend stopped. I pushed him and eventually he learned on his own. If he doesn't listen, find someone else who will quit just for you. If he really cares about you he'll stop. If he doesn't then just leave. I'd rather be single and happy then be with someone who makes me unhappy and miserable. My relationships so much better now that I told my boyfriend how I felt and he truly realized that he doesnt need porn to satisfy him. Hope that helps :)

I am in the same situation. I just now went to use the web browser on my boyfriends phone to check my bank account and found the last page visited was still up on his phone. The site turned out to be a hardcore porn site. I then got curious and looked through his web history to find at least 10 or more search items involving porn. After finding all of this, I feel hurt, betrayed, brokenhearted and worthless. I have asked him before if he watches porn or has a secret stash and he has sworn to me that he doesn't. This jus makes it all worse and makes it sting just a tad more. We have been together for almost two years now and he lost his virginity to me, why is it I feel so worthless and incapatible?

I agree with pretty much 100% if what has been writeen... i really do understand that it's just a guy thing, that it's not at all like cheating, they are attracted to the action not so much the woman in the porn and it doesn't mean he loves you any less. Either way when I found out it was heartbreaking... i couldnt help but be so sad and feel ugly no matter how hard i tried to logic with myself. My bf doesnt watch anymore as he knows how it makes me feel yet I feel bad like I'm being bitchy and paranoid by not letting him (I have never told him he can not watch porn, he decided to stop

i honestly feel like i am not good enough for him. i was searching something for my boyfriend and found all this porn he looked up. it was the first hes done it (or the first time i caught him) but now everything feels wrong. because this guy is tht guy you trust and love because hes different. and i have really bad trust issues and struggle with eating disorders so after finding that i feel broken and its hard for me to deal. i tried having sex with him earlier and it just felt awkward and i had to fake it. its hard to tell him i love him or hard to see myself actually marrying him now... i want to stop feeling like this.

I have been married for nearly two years and only recently found out that my husband looks up porn on a regular basis. He also views images and videos of celebrities in sex scenes regularly. I think this upsets me more than the porn because with porn stars I can't imagine that men actually look at the face or remember too much what these women look like (or care) but with celebrities he purposely wants to watch certain ones get it on in films. Also he jerks off over images of women in magazines. I can't even begin to explain how upset I am about this. I discovered it before Christmas only a few weeks after giving birth to our first child. When I was pregnant and was looking for some love he told me that it grossed him out having sex with a pregnant woman but I now know that he was getting his kicks elsewhere. Even before I got pregnant there was very little bedroom action and I now know why. He would make excuses when I tried to make a move on him and we only got pregnant because I practically begged him. With no amount of disrespect to my little girl who is such a blessing, I fear that I have brought her into a home where her father didn't really want her. Basically I asked him to stop and wondered how long it has been going on and he said since I got pregnant. But I knew in my heart that this was a lie and it was longer. last week I found that he'd be jerking off over magazines and know that he hasn't stopped since before Christmas although he promises that he has tried. Basically I feel like many other women here. I'm not attractive and not good enough. If I am uncomfortable with this shouldn't my husband repect my wishes and stop doing this? Maybe he can't if he is addicted though? Maybe he needs professional help. He sounds like he really wants to make our marriage work but I'm just so upset and hurt to the pit of my stomach. If feels like he has cheated on me with countless images. I'd appreciate any comments/advice, Thanks

Ok reading these comments is like, upsetting because it reminds me of how i feel, but it makes me feel better. i've been with my fiance for about a year and a half and didn't know he watched it until after we were engaged. WOW. i am actually alright looking when i really think about it, but i have to WORK to look even ALIVE. my body is average...but NOTHING compared to those girls. we almost broke up over this issue because he has admitted he's addicted to it but obviously doesn't want to get help. well, i asked him not to and he agreed but yeah. he still does. i'm not leaving him, but it does hurt me. hes tried to tell me that i'm the only one like this and every guy watches it and its just a guy thing...ok?? so what? to me he doesn't really need to understand because he WONT understand. especially if he's addicted to it its like telling a drug addict no. it's a matter of RESPECT for me.
he says he isn't looking at the girls. yeah they're hot, but its the act of sex between two people. well okay...but i have a very hard time believing he chooses the videos he chooses solely because of what happens and he doesn't choose the hottest girl, but idk.
maybe your situation isn't like mine and i'm going on forever for nothing, but maybe he really isn't looking at them and seriously doesn't wish you looked like them...like my guy...but if he respects you he'll stop...and if he doesn't stop...think about taking the next step which i'd say would be counseling.

I think women mostly get perturbed by guys watching porn when they don't feel their partner is solidly committed to them or sexualy satisfying them enough so it can seem or even be that the porn is a form of competition. Weather the guy is getting unrealisticaly warped by it even if he likes her or isn't simply that into her & doesn't care to be more discrete or save it for times she isn't around or is more often spent sexualy via the porn.
There is sometimes just simply a guy who is just crassly ignorant viewing porn around her with no agenda like the kid who wanks infrot of mom's visitors until told it's a private not public activity.
In a good relationship, sexualy & emotionaly the guy will still do porn without it intruding in their couple life and their partners know they probably do, don't mind or even want to know the details of what he views. It's usualy left to when girlfiend is out - unless they are sgharing it.
So look at the context of your relationship, how he treats you, his level of sensitivity/ understanding ( is he just stupid crass in how or when).

It is the "how & when he watches porn with how he behaves after viewing porn" is what is telling about relatedness potential, both where you fit and about him as a person/potential partner.
Watching porn which most guys will do at times isn't, just a fact of life.

Same here,
it makes me feel like im not all he needs or im not good enough.
and when i found out that my boyfriend does that i felt very down on myself. But he told me its just a guy thing and that iam enough for him, but... it still makes me feel bad.

It is cheating and it is disgusting!!!! Dump him! You deserve better!

You know whats really sad? My boyfriend is eight years younger than I am I'm in my late 40s and he watches porn instead of getting it from me. I am so pissed off cause I asked for it the other knight and he couldn't even get it up fucker!!!!! I'm not ugly and I have a big tits and I'm not fat AND I LIKE TO HAVE SEX. Maybe he is fucking gay. He uses the excuse that his job might be ending but it started way before that. Well he can go fuck himself if that is what he wants to do but I'm looking for fuck buddies male and female and as much as I like masturbating sometimes it just doesn't get me off the way I need it to. If the way I'm feeling is sexual frustration I NEVER WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY AGAIN!!!!!! I hope his hands fall off so he can feel as frustrated as I do.........FUCKING BASTARD

Listen BREAK UP WITH HIM

I watch spongebob and my mom said I am fat.

It's a tricky one. I think the most important thing is to talk about it and try to come to some sort of mutual understanding. Men and women have different ideas about sex and it's hard for us girls to accept our men getting off looking at other women, but it certainly helps if our men can be open with us about it and explain that it is us that they love. If we know a bit about their fantasies we can become part of them, either with dressing up or role playing some situations. Have a bit of fun and make him realize you enjoy it, too!
One thing is your partner looking at porn when you're out of the house. It's another thing to be in need of a bit of attention and find that your partner has been avoiding you and prefers to look at porn. But does he know that you feel like this?
My boyfriend is Mexican and it's really hard for him to open up as there's this whole catholic guilt thing and he gets defensive and angry. It's not been easy and deep down I know he's a lovely guy. He tries to satisfy me when he can, so I guess I can't really complain. We've also made some sexy videos and pics together and this helps. It may not be true but I like to think that he looks at these rather than at other girls.
Good luck girls! There are a lot of us in the same boat but I think it's all about understanding eachother and a bit of compromise on both sides.

I've fought tooth and nail with every man I've been with about this stupid crap. I give up on fighting about it. There is no way to win that war. Trust me! No female warrior will ever be strong enough to defy the Gods of pornography, let alone defeat them!!!
So whenever I start feeling like my body isn't good enough for him because he needs to look at porn women, I'll just start sending my pics to all the other men who NEED to look at me! :)

Here's am idea: start being IN the porn.

To all the women who think that having a man watch porn means you aren't enough for him: do you watch chick flicks? If so, why do you feel the need to watch and fantasize about other people having relationships? Isn't your relationship with your boyfriend enough for you? If your boyfriend is guilty of cheating on you with Jenna Jamison, then you're just as guilty of cheating on him with Brad Pitt. Or if you don't like that analogy, every woman who has ever read a romance novel is a cheater. Why are graphic visual depictions of sex such a big deal, while you can buy books filled with graphic written descriptions of sex in the freaking supermarket?

I watch porn. My wife knows it, because I've never tried to hide it from her, because I'm not ashamed of it. Sometimes she watches it with me. She frequently reads erotica, and sometimes I read it with her (she likes when I read it to her). At then end of the day, she's the only one I'm interested in actually having sex with, and I'm the only one she's interested in actually having sex with. Plus, all the porn and erotica has made our sex life so much better and more satisfying.

I feel the same way, I just tell him that I don't want him to watch it when I'm around and to make sure he doesn't do it all the time so as not to get addicted or to get expectations of me in bed..I don't want him to cum on my face like he sees in the videos.

Hey I know what you mean... My boyfriend watches porn A LOT and I used to think am I not good enough? But then I realized he's just being a guy... So, I'd just say, relax, I'm sure you satisfy him enough... Or else why would he still be with you if you didn't?

Well, you need to understand that men don't think like women. They are very
visual. They don't connect love and sex.
Unless of course you cheat on them. I think porn is dehumanizing and they always find porn when they arrest sex offenders. But I don't see it going away.

Guys watch porn. It's a long, long way from cheating. It's a visual aid to fantasy, that's all. It doesn't say anything about his relationship to you, and it's definitely not a sign of impending betrayal. If he ever did cheat on you, porn would have had nothing to do with it. Don't think there's something wrong with you. i mean, there's no reason to think that. Porn girls aren't serving for him as a replacement for you in his fantasies, it's not like that. A lot of girls freak out about this I think because in a female sex fantasy, a different male would be serving as some sort of replacement for your guy.

Male and female minds just work differently.

lol all guys watch porn no matter how satisifed they are in a relationship. because a guy can't get laid every day (well I guess some do but it would be a lot with 1 partner) so he needs something to relieve the sexual tension. I dunno about you but I often fap and end up thinking of my gf. I dunno if it's nice or really creepy actually...

It's completely normal for guys to watch porn. it has nothing to do with him cheating or not loving you enough, unless it's exagerated then he has a problem. My gf actually loves porn a lot, waaaaay more than I do so I get it when u think it's weird...

I used to get really upset when my man watched porn too. It made me feel like I was worthless and that other girls were so much prettier for me... and that I just didn't do it for him. We had a good talk, and things are great now. It's just a man thing, lol. I hope this helps. Not really any other way to explain it...

Girl, when I was younger I was freaked out by the idea of my boyfriend watching porn too. It's totally normal!

However, as Samurai said, guys watch porn. People watch porn. I watch porn! My boyfriend is pretty open with me about the porn he watches and he'll even tell me when he comes across something particularly weird or amusing, although I usually don't want to hear about it. I'm fine with him watching porn, but I don't necessarily want to know all the time, if that makes sense. Not because I think it's wrong at all, but I guess just because I feel like he is entitled to a certain amount of privacy.

Porn stars are a two dimensional image on a screen. Most (normal) guys are completely aware that "real" girls don't usually appreciate getting squirted on the face, or railed in the ass. My boyfriend has told me that he doesn't even see porn stars as people. They are just objects. Usually, it's not even the girl that they are getting off to, but the action....of other people having sex. I don't know about your boyfriend, but mine can't truly find a girl attractive if he doesn't respect her. Visually appealing, yes, but attractive no. That probably sounds naive but he is pretty different from a lot of men.

Trust me, my boyfriend is the most loyal, committed guy in the world and I trust him 150%%. Watching porn does NOT mean your boyfriend is more capable of cheating on you! And it does NOT mean that you don't satisfy him. Half the time, guys watch porn and jerk off out of boredom when you're not around. Haven't you ever felt frisky and taken care of business when he wasn't around? Anyways, I'm rambling, but just know that your boyfriend is completely normal, and it's normal for you to feel strangely about him watching porn, but you're going to have to learn to be okay with it because you'll never find a guy that doesn't watch it :) Good luck!

First of all be happy that he is not cheating on you.

Now as I can see from all the girls/womens is that they fell cheated cuz their guys look at porn but have you ever wandered are you wiling to have sex with him the moment he wants to? most probably not... so the safest place a guy can have his "this moment" pleasure is porn.

Most of the wemens want to be satisfied putting a pressure on the performance, and if the male partner fails in pleasuring you he will never hear the end of it in one way or another.

So what is the safest bet for a male to fell good w/o thinking of pleasuring someone else then himself ? Porn.

Were can you have a fantasy that your partner will never do cuz it's dirty? Porn.

You don't pop a boner all of a sudden and your girls is not in the mood... what the hell do you do? Porn.

Is hard for womens to understand how blueballs feel so that is why they don't understand why man watch porn.

As long there is a man a computer and internet it will definitely be some stashed porn somewere :)).

The day when i discovered this, my mind got polluted etcetc things are coming into my mind already which really makes me feel bad.

I feel the same. I feel bad about it. I feel like really aint enough. It leads me to depression. The day when i discovered this, my mind got polluted etcetc things are coming into my mind already which really make me feel bad.

I guess looking at porn in 2012 is normal for men.
But even before internet and magazines, what did men have to look at centuries ago? They could hold in their nut then, why can't they hold it in now?

hey my name is laura and ive been dateing my man for now 9 months... i always wanna be sexy in my man eyes but i dont kno jus the thought of my man looking an jacking off to another girl just makes me feel weried and i dont feel sexy no more and he claims he doesnt but i got the feeling he do cuz ok yeah we made a promice tht we wuld only do tht kinda stuff with each other like phone sex but NO PORN! but i always sneak it and look it up so that makes me think he would too and wont tell me about it ..even tho it aint cheatin i still think it is cuz when i watch porn idk it feels differnet cuz im a girl and i dont get all into it as a guy wuld..so idk wat to do... i need sum advice and get those thoughts out of mii head...mii name is laura

Read The Beauty Myth. You will understand your irritation more.

I used to feel bad knowing my boyfriends watched porn, like i should look like the girls, or do what they do, etc... but one time i was alone a popped one in, just to see what was so good about it, at first it really grossed me out, but it actually started turning me on a bit..now im married and i watch them with my husband sometimes...im not telling you that you need to watch it with him..but dont think any less of yourself or your bf for porn...it perfectly normal and sometimes alot of fun!

normal:)
xx

I agree with both of the above statements and I also would add that for me I am male and I watch porn but I do it with my wife too! We enjoy it together as a way to spice it up a little. I think it can give you some new kinky ideas to try with your partner. Of course yes most of what you see is not something either one may like but occasionally there is something that may appeal as a turn on that you or him may want to try.I also would say that I agree with the above mentioned when it comes to male masturbation. We do it when we are alone and I bet you do too! Its healthy to do it and there is nothing wrong with it as long as he can still perform sex with you when you both want it. mabey he has a fetish or desire that he is scared to tell you about but wants to share with you. You should feel him out on his desires and be open to try new and even kinky sex with him. The same holds true for you.

Maybe he's bored.

Porn is to men what chick flicks are for women. I'll stop jacking off when women stop watching chick flicks. Unrealistic ideals in bed for men? Okay...how about unrealistic ideals for women in life?

I'm a woman who loves porn. I love watching with my partner. You can get ideas on different positions you and your partner can try. Sex should be a fun, expressive part of your relationship. Give porn a try or read a few books.

I would understand if I wasn't around and he needed a release, but I wouldn't understand If he chose it over being with me. In general men have a higher sex drive than women. Wouldn't you feel grateful he's playing with himself instead of with someone else? If it bothers you that much he's looking at pics and videos, maybe you should snap a few sexy pics or make a video for him. It would make you feel better and I'm sure he would love that too!