Is it normal to be wary of guy friendships

I'm a 22 year old girl (/woman?) and my entire life my closest friends have all been girls with the exception of one very effeminate boy in university.

This has never been a deliberate thing, but as I've gotten older I've started to really feel that guys (for the most part) will only develop a friendship with a girl in the hopes that it will grow into something more, whether that's a relationship or just hooking up depends on the situation. All my past friendships with guys have disintegrated after he clocked that I only wanted to be platonic friends.

It's got to the point that whenever a guy I vaguely know starts messaging me one-on-one, without a specific purpose my first thought is "he's trying to gage if I'm interested in him" and I start deliberately holding back and seeming a little disinterested in the conversation so he won't get the wrong idea and can't claim I led him on.

What I'm really trying to ask is, fellow girls, am I alone in thinking this? Comments from a male perspective would also be interesting.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 18 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Yeah, I've befriended male and female customers at work only for them to just stop talking to me once they found out I had a boyfriend. I don't bother making friends out of customers now. The town has too many socially awkward people who always get the wrong idea.

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    • Haha I've been there! I'm single right now, but I remember distinctly the way their eyes would darken and their faces would slightly fall as the let out the dejected "Oh I didn't know you had a boyfriend".

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      • Yeah. I kind of feel bad for them, but at the same time it's good riddance. Lol. Honestly the customers that bother me more are the ones that read my name-tag then try to add me on Facebook when all I did was help them find an item. We like barely know each other. I've stopped wearing name-tags for the most part now. XD

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  • I don't trust girls one bit.

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  • I think you're slightly off on this, but I do think that yes, generally guy friends are going to hit on you, and seek out relationships with women for that purpose, (so long as they're straight/ not effeminate.) I've been friends with a couple girls who I just have a platonic relationship with. However when I've tried to get close to girls then for the most part it's because I find them attractive. I'm 21 as well so I'm speaking from the same age group.

    Out of curiosity are most of the guys who seem like they're only in it for platonic reasons, and then end up hitting on you, also generally shy guys or guys who have stereotypical confidence problems with women?

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    • You're right, a lot of the time it is the geeky ones with little romantic experience.

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  • Its not really a hard thing to have a platonic friendship with opposite sexes. Like even if you have a hot platonic opposite sex friend you figure they'll also have other hot friends that you'll wind up meeting and then you still have like a good friend so it works out. People over analyze bullshit. Getting laid is way easier when you don't look for it in every single person you meet.

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  • Silly things like a relationship have never got in my way of trying to be romantic with someone.

    For a man and woman to be friends without romance, oh yes it is very possible. Unless you are one of those who is obsessed with someone else's equipment, you kind of have to be romantically interested in the whole person. But then who knows. I used to have this one friend, some guy, and his attitude as he would cruise dating sites was, "I just want to fuck". He never got much action save for the most disgusting females out there.

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  • I am a straight man and you are spot on. If you are in a relationship, use that as a reason to tell a guy to fuck off. There are a bunch of ways you can establish boundaries with men that want something more. It all comes down to you telling us to stop.

    I have several attractive female friends and we have established a plutonic relationship. Not going to lie, I have hit on them from time to time, it's in our DNA as men. Over time we have created a friendship to the point we would never fuck with eachother in any sexual way, we're like siblings almos. We have eachothers back no matter what. So it is definitely possible, but...


    You, as the woman have to establish the boundaries, he won't. It is possible but very rare to find a straight man that will be just your friend. If he isn't in a relationship already, or he has trouble with women. Run! Dudes that want to be just friends..definitely haul ass in the other direction.

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    • I know it's certainly just a typo but I LOVE the expression "plutonic relationship" and I want to start using it in my everyday conversations.

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    • Thanks for your perspective, do you have any "establishing boundaries" tips?

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      • Communicate with words, language. Let him know how you, "value your friendship" too much to risk it. Or any other cliche. If he's cool with it you might want to fuck with him in the future lol. If he gets very angry and insults you run away. If he gets a bit pissed and says, "you don't know what your missing", or something like that, he is a potential friend when he finds a different chick.

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  • I've always gotten along with guys better as friends most girls to me turn out back stabbing lying fake hoes. I’ve never been able to trust one without shit starting. And all the guys I thought were the greatest just end up wanting sex. Every single one. I’ve given up on friends I just accept that I don’t have friends and am maybe just a loner. My ex’s have cheated and used me for my body. Boyfriend I have now is with me for the right reasons. I’m actually happy and if I only got him as a friend that’s okay noones wasting my time.

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    • Thanks for sharing, sorry for your bad experiences with girls, but it's a comfort to know I'm not the only one who can't really be friends with guys.

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      • Thanks I’m sure there’s good ones out there that just don’t exist in my life. Yeah I always used to hate when people say girls can’t be friends with boys. But I realize I was blind and this post got me thinking because all the people I thought were friends left because I didn’t want to fuck them back. And we were “friends” for years. I did have one friend that was a girl but she did get very flirty and for the lonest time I had to avoid her. Hit on or fake friended I can’t win here 😖

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  • People like that annoy me so much. I'm also not generally a fan of flirting for the most part.

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  • Well that's how it is an probably a couple lesbians in there for you too

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  • Who cares.

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