Is it normal to be to ashamed to let anyone know i'm bisexual?

I'm a guy in my mid-twenties and I know I'm bisexual. I have nothing but love for anyone who is gay or bi, but I feel too ashamed to ever tell anyone in real life that i'm bi. I know it's not anything to be ashamed of, however for some reason I can't help but feel it. I would feel too judged if I told anyone.

I am only really attracted to other guys sexually. I don't have any desire to be in a relationship with them that isn't purely sexual. In this way I feel as if I don't have to tell anyone, but exploring sex with men could mean word getting out.

It was a big step to be able to admit to myself that i am truly bi. I just don't know if I would ever trust someone enough to let them know.

Voting Results
77% Normal
Based on 31 votes (24 yes)
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Comments ( 22 )
  • Aries

    I want you to be yourself and be proud of who that person is . I don't give a fuck what other people think about you being bi sexual , embrace and enjoy yourself :D it's completely normal .

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    • Thanks so much. That is the nicest thing I have ever read on the internet. These words will really have a big impact on me.

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      • Aries

        you're very welcome :) I meant it .

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  • NeofelisNebulosa

    Sexuality is a complicated journey. For years I thought I was lesbian, and now I realize I like men too. Who knows what biological and social factors influence the development of our orientation?

    Don't be ashamed of who you are. :)

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    • Aries

      :)

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    • Thank you for your insight and kind words.

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      • Riddler

        You know you should probably warn gay men if sex is all you are after. Since a lot of them are comfortable enough with themselves to want to be in a committed relationship. It sounds like you are in denial and are telling yourself if you only have sex with them its somehow less gay. Which in fact pisses off a lot of people in the gay community. Its rude to sleep with someone when you are not serious unless of course neither one of you is serious. However you should explain this to people before you sleep with them since a lot of them are very serious and its fucked up to get peoples hopes up like that. So be up front about your permiscious ways if your going to be a man whore.

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        • I would absolutely let them know that the relationship would be purely sexual. I really do only want to have an emotional relationship with women. That I know I am not in denial about.

          I appreciate where you are coming from. I have no intention to use people.

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  • DolphinAngel

    It is a shame how society makes people feel bad for their feelings and what they are.

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  • mlbryan44

    Do you swallow cum?

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  • mlbryan44

    I am glad you are a cocksucker. Maybe you can blow me sometime!

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    • No sir, you blow me.

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  • Psychosocial

    I feel like that too, but Im in a commited m/f relationship, and have a family. Ive told my wife of my thoughts and desires, and apparently, i should've "sown my wild oats" before entering a relationship. She isn't cool with it, and calls me a fag sometimes. I am not gay, just possible bi-curious. Get your chance while single, and it'll make a world of difference. I never had a thought in my mind of being romantically involved with another man, just jacking off or oral, i dunno, and wont find out. My wife is perfect in every other way, and i love her greatly anyways. Wants sex ALWAYS!

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    • That's horrible that she feels that way about your bi-curious desires. They are totally natural though. Don't ever think that something is wrong with you because of them.

      I understand if she doesn't want you to have sex with anyone but her, but she shouldn't hate on you for just thinking these thoughts and for confiding in her.

      I'm glad she is perfect in every other way, but she really needs to lay off you and stop calling you a fag. I hope it's just a reaction of surprise from her and not just flat out hate. Even then, that's not a healthy reaction to have.

      You should consider trying to explain to her that what your feeling is a natural part of being a human being. If she loves you she will eventually come to accept that about yourself.

      Good luck.

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  • Koda

    Don't worry about this for another second. It's your right to disclose or not to disclose personal information. The fact that you feel ashamed about your sexuality is something that will slowly fade, but you should feel no external pressure from society. You don't owe anyone a thing. Because you're only bisexual and not biromantic, the only people who ever need to know you're into guys sexually are potential male sex partners. Your mom doesn't need to know, your boss doesn't need to know, and your girlfriend doesn't need to know (unless you cheat on her).

    All you are is somebody who is sexually open-minded and true to himself, that's it. As somebody hinted at above, you might end up breaking a few hearts or disappointing guys at the very least, as undoubtedly a few of your sexual partners will develop stronger feelings for you than you ever will be able to have toward them. Maintaining friendships with people in these situations is usually impossible. So if you find out one of your close male friends is 'in to you' I'd not let it become sexual as you might end up losing that friendship because you won't feel anything romantic toward him. Because you're bi and you have a choice when it comes to sexual partners, you should probably stick with only women unless you're certain the guy understands the no-strings policy. You need to treat these potential relationships with men as delicately as you would an attractive, but perhaps airheaded or shallow, woman you want to sleep with but have no intention of getting involved with romantically.

    A lot of people think of romance as having more to do with the person's soul than their body, but this isn't the case, and it's easy to explain why. Let's say you meet someone online and they're literally perfect for you in every way. They're kind, smart, funny, and they really get you, but you've never even seen their face or heard their voice, so you haven't developed any sexual feelings for them, but you might have developed romantic love for them and care about them deeply. Then it all goes to hell when you find out this person isn't a girl. They never lied, but you'd never asked and just assumed his gender. You think you're still gonna have those romantic feelings? No way. Romance IS conditional upon the physical body of the person, not just their mind.

    Though anyone needs attraction for sex, in your case what is needed for romance is a female body. It's not logical, but it's nature. For you, life is 3-tiered; sex, romantic love, and platonic love have separate conditions. Sexually, you're attracted to certain types and just so happen to ignore the gender border. You don't think every woman is hot, and you don't think every man is hot. Romantically, you can only have "mushy", romantic feelings for women. You'd only want to kiss and cuddle with a woman you love and find attractive. In other words, for romance, you need all three: gender, beauty, and personality. Then there's platonic love. This is the category that every decent human being will share. When you're not otherwise conditioned or biased against gender, orientation, race, religion, nationality, etc, all it takes to love a person platonically is for them to be a good person or a good friend. This is the love you have for your friends of any gender and your parents and other family members. If anyone ever asks you why love and sex are seemingly so "complicated" for you, you can explain it like this, dividing it up between what you need sexually, romantically, and platonically. I hope this helped you understand yourself a bit better. Maybe the more you understand, the less you'll resent your "complicated" sexuality. I think it's terrific that you're not like every other straight dude out there. :)

    Sorry for making this so long :/

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    • This helped more than you can possibly know. I have been searching for answers and this has helped so much and it makes perfect sense.

      I really appreciate you explaining the 3 different types of love. That is exactly right on how I feel. It really helps make me feel a lot more normal and natural, as opposed to feeling ashamed and guilty.

      I will for sure take your advice and be certain to let any potential male partners know that I cannot be romantically involved with them, only sexually.

      Thank you for your writing all this out for me. I really appreciate it.

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      • Koda

        You're so welcome (: I'm SO happy this helped a bit. I enjoy giving these types of things a lot of thought, so it was no trouble at all (: Good luck!

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  • LuxM4G

    You live in a homophobical society, full of old preconceived moral and ethical ideas about men. If you don't feel totally comfortable about who you are I'd advice you to restraint yourself from doing so. Liberal thinkers on that subject are still a minority. Besides, you don't have to tell it to anyone, it's your own business.

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    • This is what I'm leaning towards. I feel as though I am going to leave it be as my own personal business.

      Thanks for your input.

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      • LuxM4G

        Your welcome.

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  • thegypsysailor

    Is it the straight part of you that you are ashamed of, or the gay part? Now do you see how silly the whole being ashamed of who you are is?

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    • True. I guess I'm ashamed of the gay part because it's looked down upon by so many, including my family to a point. I feel bad using the word ashamed, because I would never judge anyone based on their sexual preferences.

      Thank you though, you gave me something meaningful to think about.

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