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People who know me irl I rarely rarely show what I truly think, feel, want, do
But if I am anonymous I am open and real
Yep this is me in a nutshell.
How I portray myself on IIN is how I actually perceive myself as. Soon as I enter public with my speech impediments and general anxiety give people a warped perspective of who I actually am. This includes family and friends. Only those that I have extensive texted communication actually know my true self.
Me too. It really sucks, the part about anxiety and speech impediments giving a warped perception. It's like a huge handicap.
See my anxiety causes me to speak to fill the void of silence. Even if I dont have anything relevant to say... so my outward personality was developed so when I do that it's not that "random" I just become an enthusiastic talker, despite internal me just wanting to sit quietly in the corner.
The bulk of my speech impediments were mostly sorted out in my elementary school days.
What really is fucking me over is more of a speech processing disorder. I can't articulate my words fast enough so I appear to be a babbling idiot if I'm put on the spot. But if I know what I need to say beforehand I'll sound pretty normal.
Now this is mixed in with me being compulsed by anxiety to fill silence by talking. So I will often throw myself into conversations that I have no idea how to start or end. So I have to use filler words until my brain can assemble an understandable sentence.
Once I get comfortable around people it gets easier to say what I actually want to say.
I would just avoid talking unnecessarily to fill silences. I think we all feel that pressure to say something lest we be weird or rude, but no one actually cares.
We all stand there thinking "I better come up with something to say" but on the other hand we never think "alright this fucker better say some shit" about the other person.
Yeah, it is. Just a lot easier to open to up strangers compared to people you actually know