Is it normal to be confused after someone w/ feelings for u says they won’t be w/ u?

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4 Comments

Summary:

For months my close guy friend whom I share mutual feelings with has been giving me mixed signals all the while being heartbroken over someone else who broke his heart. In various ways his words and actions have implied he might be interested in being with me after he has time to move on from her, which led me to be very surprised after he recently said that he’s not going to be with me because he’s going to wait for her forever.

Longer version:

Part 1:

For months, the mutual feelings between my friend and me have been growing stronger in a way they never have before. During that whole time, he was also continuing to go through a pretty intense heartbreak with someone who rejected him multiple times and is now out of his life and moved far away (probably for good). He also gave me mixed signals during that entire time, and a couple times said things that (at least to me) implied he might be interested in dating me after he has time to get over her. Not to mention all the things he’s done that have implied the same thing.

Part 2:

The mixed signals have continued and I seriously questioned if he was in love with me and I also seriously questioned if he romantically cares more for me or her now.

Part 3:

I asked him how he’s been and he told me he’s (still) been depressed because of the person who broke his heart. This eventually led me to tell him about a guy who broke my heart in the past, which led him to say “you need to find someone else. Not me. Someone else. I’m waiting for [her name].” He said he’ll be waiting for her forever.

Since then:

I’ve been very confused. I thought he was in the process of getting over her, and was interested in possibly being with me after he has some time to move on from her, but I guess I was wrong?

A part of me wonders if there really is no hope for us to be together romantically in the future. I’m guessing eventually (whether months or years) he’ll move on from her, even though that doesn’t necessarily mean he would want to date me.

I keep wondering things like:

-If he really doesn’t want to be with me, then why does he look at me like that, and hug me so much, and etc., etc...
-Why did he say and do (intentionally and unintentionally) all those other things that let his feelings for me show through? (I have a whole list of mixed signals he’s given me.) I am just so confused.

Voting Results
60% Normal
Based on 5 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • Sleepykitten
    4 years ago

    Mixed signals always mean no. Someone who isn't enthusiastic enough about being with you to come out and say it and act on it, does not deserve you. Going exclusive with someone who can't even decide if they want to be with you is a great way to waste your own time and miss out on meeting people who are into you with none of these asterisks attached.

    In this specific case, even if you get with this guy, he's going to be moping over this other girl the whole time. Why would you want to deal with that? It sounds like you're young. There are lots of guys out there that want to have a relationship that doesn't involve you living in the shadow of the ex. It's not just about whether you're good enough for him, but also whether he's good enough for you, and this guy doesn't sound like he's ready for a relationship with anyone right now.

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  • ellnell
    4 years ago

    You should distance yourself from him. Even if he gets with you now you'll be nothing but a rebound and it'll ruin the friendship. I had a situation similar to this with a guy friend once and he constantly gave me very mixed signals eventually we parted ways because things got increasingly complicated. I was sad at first but then saw that it was for the best it would've stayed weird between us because we both had feelings but we weren't good for each other which we both knew.

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  • Clunk42
    4 years ago

    Perhaps he does love you romantically, but he's just so obsessed with this person who's clearly detrimental to his well-being that he doesn't want to love you romantically.

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  • RoseIsabella
    4 years ago

    Maybe he loves you like a sister? I think that it would do you good to spend less time with this dude.

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