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Thats how i ended up with my wife living on a rusty old boat in my parents basement. I've got all sorts of issues like declining health, tiny dick, and shit for brains, and my wife is as big as a cow and ugly too! We've never been more in love with each other! its just pure attraction
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I can't be fixed, I make people want to kill themselves. People go out of there way to avoid me because of the pain I am demonstrate on a daily basis. Yet no one wishes to help, they just tell me to stay home or yell at me to go get help because it makes them feel bad. It makes it feel like I a burden and not worth anything. Just because it is hard for to me walk I sit alone, pondering death and people ask why I sometimes drink and bad things happen. Because all of my friends, all of my family just don't want to look at me anymore.
It's gotten so bad I can't even accept help any more as it only encourages the feeling I am burden, a waste of space. So I am simply stuck waiting the day maybe things become better.
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I only drink due to exhaustion of life, but when I do I usually can't stop which can be a problem (though rarely, I am usually unable to stay awake long enough to become drunk). The other thing was recreational usage of medical marijuana. That was for pain control from which I've been in better control lately. Though I was thinking of smoking again to alleviate pressure off my legs and prevent myself from drinking so much. Pain = depression = drinking. I think you're right though but it isn't substance abuse, they just thinking I am abusing life and not doing anything with it to help myself. But motivation to do stuff is hard to come by, I simply do not feel pleasure period is a permanent physiological/genetic defect in my brain. Most things then are done out of impulse, which I been working to change it just takes a long time. Every action is a forced one, and medication doesn't work due to natural addiction tendencies works first time then you need 4 pills for same effect and then it just makes the issue worst.
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