Is it normal these types of thoughts have been driving me crazy lately?
I should start this off by saying I’m agnostic, in almost every sense of the word. Does God exist? The afterlife? Ghost? Aliens? Even what we call reality? I don’t know! But that second one, the afterlife, that one really gets me. I spend a lot of time wondering what happens when we die, and what I’d feel most comfortable believing. I think my biggest fear is dying unexpectedly before I have my mind made up (one reason driving scares me so much!)
In order to counter this, I’m trying to do things that extend my life, as well as make it more fulfilling. I think to myself “since there’s likely to be no heaven when I die, I might as well make my life Heaven on earth!” But this drives me crazy as well. If I have a great life, I’ll be even more afraid of losing it.
And if I have a long life, I might get bored of it. I’ve heard about technology that extends your life, almost to the point of immortality! I know it’s a long stretch, but if such a thing were ever possible, and if estimates about the end of the world are right, I could be alive for FIVE BILLION YEARS! Sometimes I imagine myself living that long and being there when the sun absorbs the Earth!
And here’s another thing: if there is an afterlife, I’d be existing for even LONGER than this! But something I think people misunderstand about the afterlife, regardless of which version you’re talking about, it’s not like the life we live now, so maybe concepts like years wouldn’t apply there, if that makes sense.
But like I said, I don’t know if any afterlife exist, and I’d consider it tragic if I spend my whole life clinging for an afterlife that would never come, wasting the only life I know I have on a guess.
The main thing is, I have probably way too much free time, so my mind tends to wander. I’ve done so much contemplating these issues that it feels like I’ve been around forever and my mind has just had enough, and the thought of doing more of this thinking, whether through some scientific miracle of immortality, in an afterlife, or just some natural process of a long life, drives me utterly mad! I’m scared of the idea of not existing, but I’m also scared of existing for too long, and I’m really not sure what to do!