Is it normal the only way a man and a woman can be close friends is

If the man finds the idea of having sex with her repulsive.

So a close friendship can work if he is gay or asexual, the woman is his sister or cousin or he finds her genuinely completely unattractive (this normally occurs when a woman is very masculine and proud of it).

If the idea of sex with her doesn’t repulse him then sooner or later he will catch feelings or at least try to bang her. Straight men find it very difficult to have a close bond with a woman that doesn’t involve sex. It’s not concept they are raised with (something I blame society for).

To clarify this is not to say they can’t be acquaintances/ colleagues/ part of the same friendship group. I’m talking about close friendships with one-on-one time together and deep conversations.

Do you agree?

Voting Results
37% Normal
Based on 27 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 44 )
  • barefoot_on_the_sand

    If you think calling a woman masculine and saying she is repulsive is something you can say without offending women, you're an imbecile.
    Why do women have to fit your standards of beauty?

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    • ANDRONYNE

      That's not the argument though. The argument is that a man and a women can't have a deep close relationship without one of them catching feeling for the other. That's an example he uses to better explain his point.

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      • RoseIsabella

        Yeah, basically the entire plot to When Harry Met Sally.

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    • I don’t mean objectively repulsive I mean sexually repulsive to the male friend. I don’t think masculinity in a woman is repulsive but most men are not attracted to it, which is often convieniant as very masculine are normally lesbian anyway.

      What do you think of my hypothesis over all?

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      • barefoot_on_the_sand

        Men and women can bond and be friends without ever having sex, or being attracted to each other in my experience and observation.

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        • But does he have to be disgusted by the thought of sex with her?

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          • RoseIsabella

            No, not disgusted per se, but rather not attracted to, and or more importantly respectful of women enough to not automatically think of the woman in a sexual way. I honestly think of men who automatically see the majority of women in a sexual way just immediately on site are subhuman garbage.

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          • barefoot_on_the_sand

            Why make a friendship sexual in the first place? If it happens, it happens, but not everyone is a sex crazed person.

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            • candylady

              This. I wonder if there’s a term for people who always seem to think that everybody thinks exactly like they do, people who always project their own thoughts and feelings onto other people. If there’s not, there should be, because those people are annoying af.

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            • RoseIsabella

              I think a person who wants to automatically make friendships sexual is a piece of shit! 😉👍🏻

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  • KholatKhult

    Disagree.

    After my brother passed away his wife and son moved in with me so I could be their financial support. We’ve lived together for a few years now and it’s never been sexual or romantic, and I definitely don’t find her repulsive, she’s very attractive.

    We are incredibly close, I help raise her son, and her and my fiancée are very close friends now too. I’ve had plenty of beautiful women as close friends without any sexual or romantic drama.

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    • RoseIsabella

      Yes, you are a good, and decent man!

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    • I’m assuming there would be an element of disgust in having sex with your brother’s widow on a moral level though.

      In terms of the other women I think that’s very unusual, did the friendships last long?

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      • KholatKhult

        That’s true, there is a different element to how we treat each other because of that. Though I think disgust may not be the best word for it.

        And yes the friendships lasted long, I think the relationship solidifies as a strong friendship with time, earlier on there might be a higher chance for things to go one way or the other.

        But for women I’ve been friends with for a while I see them as just buddies. You see them a little less as “a woman” and more of just who they are to you over time.

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  • GaelicPotato

    No.

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    • RoseIsabella

      I support you, and your starch filled goodness!

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      • GaelicPotato

        I appreciate it!

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        • RoseIsabella

          You are most welcome!

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  • bbrown95

    I don't think so. I have a few male friends I've had for years, and one I'm super close with (who I actually briefly dated in high school, but we've been friends since childhood before that). I have no idea if the others are repulsed by me physically or not, but my close friend/ex and I have no issues with our nearly 20-year friendship and view each other almost like family now.

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    • So like a sister? That’s one of my repulsion categories so I wouldn’t count that.

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  • Aethylfritha

    Um...lol im not sure. If you find someone " repulsive" would you even wanna be friends?

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    • Repulsive in a sexual light, the way a straight man would be repulsed by the idea of sex with his male best friend.

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    • RoseIsabella

      Exactly!

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  • howaminotmyself

    Trust and self control also help.

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    • RoseIsabella

      There can be no trust without self-control!

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  • ellnell

    Well tbh all my guy friends have admitted they have feelings for me. However they could all accept and respect a no and still wanted to remain friends because after all we enjoy each others company and if it's all about sex... Well there's plenty of other attractive women out there. It is possible to stay friends with someone you have feelings for, i've done it once. Eventually those feelings subside, you date and eventually you meet someone else. You just gotta make the choice to emotionally move on, I think some people are unfortunately not able to comprehend that moving on is a choice you have to actively make and then open your heart to the possibility of meeting someone who'll actually want you back. Plus people often get friendzoned because they simply hit on people they're not compatible with, they just go on apperance and project their "dream partner" onto a fitting person who looks like that person does in their fantasy and don't care to see deeper than that, really. Whereas the other person may actually be realistic and see the ways in which you wouldn't work out as a couple. Some people can actually be great friends but would pretty much murder each other in a relationship, that's because those two types of relationships are so very different and has completely different dynamics. I really don't understand how so many people doesn't realize that.

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  • RoseIsabella

    I dunno, not all straight men are selfish dirtbags, but if you're my so called friend, and want more than I can given then your not worthy of friendship, much less anything. If someone isn't willing to be be my platonic, nonsexual friend then he will NEVER be deserving of anything else is my attitude. Just because some guy is attracted to a woman doesn't mean that he deserves anything from her. Lots of so called "nice guys" pretend that they can be friends, but have their selfish covert agenda all along... their human garbage.

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  • d0esnormalmatter

    Not remotely. Stupid idea mate.

    Your basically assuming no men have any self control.

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    • Maybe he will never act on it. But unless he finds the thought disgusting he will never give up hope of it happening some day.

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      • d0esnormalmatter

        Nope. Last point is bullshit. He will give up hope. That's what people do. I've done it several times.

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    • DIO

      Like you're one to talk. RAPIST

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      • d0esnormalmatter

        Not a rapist chief

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        • DIO

          You're not a "rapist chief" you're just a regular rapist.

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          • d0esnormalmatter

            I have never been guilty of rape

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  • bigbudchonga

    Dude, there might be something too this tbh. I remember there was this lesbian we used to hang out with; me and my mate were talking one day and he said something along the lines of "I know she's a lesbian but you still want to make her attracted to you, you know?", and he was right. We all knew we weren't gunna be getting any, but still, she was an attractive female so we all flirted with her and wanted something to go down.

    No doubt if her partner was a butch girl, or when I've been talking to butch girls in the past, there's no sexual attraction. I think you're onto something dude in that there's nearly always going to be a sexual chemistry, and that generally guys stay well clear of the really butch/masculine looking women.

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    • Unless he is repulsed he will never give up hope.

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    • RoseIsabella

      This is why I like to stay in touch with my masculine side. I can be totally dolled up, and feminine, but when some creepazoid looks at me the wrong way I immediately present the grimace of a very masculine snarl that is unappealing, and downright intimidating in the right circumstances.

      Not everyone is deserving of the pretty face. 😎💪🏻

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  • Nikclaire

    Are you female?

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    • Yes. What do you think of my hypothesis?

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      • Nikclaire

        I don't really have much thought other than it sounds like you were recently hurt by someone.

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        • Not recently- I gave up on male friendships a long time ago.

          I’ve seen the same thing happen around me over and over though- the conventionally pretty girl thinks her and a guy are just “best friends” until his ulterior motive comes out.

          Straight men don’t want a cute female bestie. They just don’t.

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          • Aethylfritha

            Most of the time i agree with you. But occasionally there can be weird circumstances.

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