Is it normal that you can't let something go unless you get an apology?

12 Comments

I went to my high school reunion the other day, and I ran into a classmate of mines who used to cause me problems ever since we we're in grade school. The surprising thing is that he's a changed person, and he was very friendly towards me.

Even though he was very polite and respectful towards me, I didn't respond well to that, and I constantly gave him this dirty look and ignored him. Later on, he asked me to sit down with him at a private table, and I agreed to do it.

This is our conversation -

Him: Why are you doing this? I'm just here to show
everyone a good time.
Me: I haven't forgotten the way you treated me during the time we we're in school.
Him: You still haven't gotten over that? That was years ago. I'm a changed man.
Me: I want you to accept responsibility, and apologize for all those problems you caused me. It doesn't matter that it's all in the past, the fact of the matter is that you had a negatively significant impact on me, and if you're truly a changed man like you claim, you'd put my feelings to rest by apologizing for everything.

Is it normal to not be able to let something go unless responsibility is accepted?

It's normal. 22
It's normal. I can't move on unless responsibility is accepted too. 28
It's normal, but I find it unusual. 5
It's not normal. 2
You should let it go. The only moment we have is right now. 8
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Comments ( 12 )
  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Kids (AND adults) can be downright "Carrie Cruel", and, during our formative years, this sort of bullying can shape our personalities detrimentally if we do not have some sort of strong,emotional support in place. Oftentimes, adults who were bullied as children are told to "get over it" and that they are being childish to hold on to past resentments. Bad experiences with having been or being bullied can shut us down emotionally and screw with our self concept. This, in turn, can limit our success and opportunities in life. Bullying is no joke and if you cannot forgive this guy for how he tortured you in the past, then you won't. However, I find that forgiveness really does help me more than the person that I am forgiving.

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  • EveningOwl
    12 years ago

    it's nomral, but if he hasn't apologized by now he's not sorry, and even if you force him to say it, he still wont mean it. But Yo I almost ran over this stupid prick of a girl from high school.. ugg now I'm pissed -.-' i shouldve hit her

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    Just be glad he didn't destroy you as a person or make you as hateful as him. I see it as his problem not your's so don't make it your problem - let it go if you can, they're low lifes and not worth your time.

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  • Poectik_24
    12 years ago

    I agree it is quite difficult,but i see it more as in a persons morals.if he choose to through thru life with out responsibility hes in for a long one.as for yuh some things are worth letting go..

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  • howaminotmyself
    13 years ago

    Don't let him have that power over you.I'm still trying to forgive my childhood bully. Chances are I will never see her again but her treatment of me has certainly left a scar. But I don't want her to have any more power over my thoughts and feelings. The more I truly love myself and forgive her for being a bad memory, the easier it is to feel the pain dissipate. Like water off a duck's back. But it is hard to forgive when a deep scar remains, just keep trying, don't get stuck and become bitter.

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  • wigsplitz
    13 years ago

    Not getting over things only hurts YOU. You have to find a way to move on when things like this happen. It's hard but worth it for your own well being.

    Besides, success and a happy life is the best revenge!!

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  • sweetz90
    13 years ago

    It's normal, but u could be waiting forever for one...I think it's better to forgive and move on just to protect your own sanity.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    What did he say after you asked for apology?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      13 years ago

      He apologized, but for some reason I didn't want to accept it at the time being. Later on I confronted him and accepted his apology. I moved on, but sometimes I feel really unsure of whether or not it's " okay " to keep certain feelings just because somebody hasn't accepted responsibility for the things they've done.

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      • lola27
        13 years ago

        You will let go when you are ready. Every one has to process their own emotions in their own time. Be proud you stood up to him and he apologised. It seems to me both have you have grown for the better since those days, even if the inital shock(?) of seeing him was difficult.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Yep. People hate it but I can't let it go until someone's manned up for their mistakes. I don't care if that person is me but I refuse to go through life thinking that there is no good or evil or that the line between the two is fuzzy and not distinct.

    Until then nothing can ever be the same between us.

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  • wreckd
    13 years ago

    SO normal! And if the appology doesn't seem sincere but a casual, "Oh, that? I was fighting with my parents so I'm sorry you just so happened to catch the blunt of it." it does NOT count. I'm the same way as you.

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