Is it normal that my husband visits prostitutes when he's away on business?

50% Normal
15 Comments

I found a credit note in his trousers to a brothel in Melbourne, where prostitution in legal. I haven't confronted him about it because I figured, what's it going to achieve, apart from making him feel defensive and guilty. Our relationship is a loving one which makes me very happy. He is a great provider and a wonderful father as well. He has made my life great.

Voting Results
50% Normal
Based on 14 votes (7 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 15 )
  • Anime7
    11 years ago

    Unless you can provide for yourself, it all really depends on whether this bad act outweighs all of his good ones.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    Doesn't matter what a great father he is. He is cheating on you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1
  • 3brothers
    10 years ago

    Kick him to the curb! I have gone through a similar two year nightmare of discovering my now ex wasn't the man he pretended to be. He was an extremely skilled liar. I thought he was the most ethical person I knew, a man whose life work involved helping other people, ivy league educated, cared about the downtrodden, etc..He was always romantic, made me feel I was an amazing woman, praised me for being so awesome at my job, blah, blah, blah. He made one dumb slip and I unraveled it all--years of lies, hundreds of thousands of dollars gone...he gave me a chronic STD. Yes, people say the majority of men do it. people say it's the wife's fault-she must have not been giving him enough attention, blah, blah...It comes down to do you want be with someone who thinks so little of you that he would put you in physical and financial risk? It destroys your sense of self-can you trust any of your perceptions anymore? What about all he told you--how much he loved you, you were the best thing that ever happened to him, how much he admired you, how beautiful you were? What do you do with all those shared memories of times together? All the times you were with him, he could have been thinking and plotting his next hook-up. What are you if your memories aren't what you thought they were? It nearly destroyed me. Hard work and therapy got me through it but there were many times I planned how to kill myself, the pain being so unbearable.

    I can imagine the responses this might receive. "You got stuff out of the marriage too. It was your fault for not being fill in the blank. Everyone does it..."

    Men or women who cheat are cowards. If they aren't happy, get out of marriage and then go fuck around. The truth is the fucking around behind partners back is what makes it so exciting for them. They get off on the thrill of the elicit because they are damaged humans.

    If it has never happened to you, you can't imagine how gut wrenching it is. I never would have guessed it would happen to me. Now I have sympathy for anyone who has been cheated on.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • wisdomseeker
    10 years ago

    What if he catches STD and pass it on to you?
    When one has faith in god and fears to do wrong becausw it is wrong..one will only try to do the right thing.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • oicuwantit2
    11 years ago

    I think this is not generally accepted or normal, but your acceptance of it will make it normal for you and he. Other people may not understand or think it is normal no matter your rationale.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    "Our relationship is a loving one which makes me very happy. He is a great provider and a wonderful father as well."

    bit like saying... "so he gives me what I want but he still fucks other women"

    are you really happy with that? or are you trying to convince yourself that you're happy

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Numerous academic studies show that over 70% of married men have been unfaithful to their wives at least once. Who's the sucker - the wife in the dark or the wife who knows?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
        11 years ago

        It sounds like you've decided that this is acceptable.

        So I'm not really sure what you're asking at this point. I mean you've already decided it's "normal".

        You're an adult - you decide for yourself if what you gain financially is worth the cost of having a man who puts his own pleasure above his vows to you.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          I haven't decided anything. I'm only quoting someone else's study that has nothing to do with prostitution, that over 70% of married men have been unfaithful to their wives at least once. This suggests that general infidelity by males is normal, not visiting prostitutes.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
            11 years ago

            so pretty much you have to decide if he's worth keeping.

            do you want a man who will support you financially, but who breaks his vows on a regular basis, or do you want a man who puts you first?

            As for "it's normal"... is that good enough for you? does it mean you have to put up with it?

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
  • quentari
    11 years ago

    I suppose it depends on if you're okay with his seeing prostitutes... and If you are perhaps confront him about it and let him know it's okay?

    And if you're not okay i guess you need to weigh up weather its worth staying with a cheater who can support you or leaving him and standing on your own two feet.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • iezegrim
      11 years ago

      I'm OK with it.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
        -
      • quentari
        11 years ago

        Well if you're okay with it maybe hint at him that you're okay with it. It'll probably strengthen the marriage seeing as he doesn't have to hide it or feel guilty, making him more open and stuff :)

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
      • myboyfriendsbitch
        11 years ago

        Are you sure? If you have such a great relationship it seems like he should have talked to you about this before it happened, or perhaps soon after.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        -1
        -1
          -
        • iezegrim
          11 years ago

          He's a very private man. As his mother says, "With Paul, everything is 'classified'". He has spoken to me previously about seeing hookers before we started dating and I'm not stupid; it's hard to change habits, even if you get married. I guess it all depends on how you define "great relationship". Does he make me happy? Very. Do I adore him? Yes. Is our relationship perfect? Obviously not. Some men's pet peeve is when their girlfriend/wife says, "We need to talk about the relationship." It is said that you can talk/analyse a relationship to death. I think that talking is good if it is possible to accomplish something positive (i.e. get something off your chest) or solve a problem through the process of discussion. Otherwise, it's either a waste of time or destructive.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0