Is it normal that my ex texted me this after four years?

91% Normal
16 Comments

Hi everybody,

I'm not going to get into much detail about our relationship together but I'm just curious about something. Me and this girl were best friends. She was the love of my life once, untill she screwed me over (again, not much detail, and no she didnt cheat, but broke my heart though on some same type of level. what she did was just as bad, lets just say that).

Anyway, out of anger we gone our seperate ways. I found a great girl that I recently moved in with (we rent a house together in the city) and we're both living a pretty normal life, I guess.

Though the ex I was talking about (Lets call her Lisa), suddenly send me a very long message on Facebook explaining that whatever she once did to me, was wrong, she was in a bad place, and that she now found a new girl as well, and she's very happy with her, she's finally stable enough to realize what she did to me and the effect it had on me as well. Basically it's a huge ass long apology for whatever happened and she's saying that whatever happens, I'll always be a very big important part of her life. (We've always had a very close relationship even if we weren't talking. She isn't like any of my other exes).

Though she claimed 4 years ago when she broke up with me, she didn't love me anymore, but still cares, I feel somewhat confused.

The question is,

What do I answer? Do I answer?

Voting Results
91% Normal
Based on 11 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • Tealights
    6 years ago

    Yeah, exes do this all the time. Personally, I wouldn't respond, but it's up to you.

    Ask yourself: Do I really want to dig up the past? Stir up old feelings? Do I really want to fall back on nostalgia, when I'm moving forward with someone new and awesome?

    Because that's what's going to happen. She's going to bring up the past a lot and try to rekindle what you two once had, which was something more than friendship. If you're confused now, you're going to become more confused later.

    However, if you really want to talk to her and see how things go, set crystal clear boundaries for yourself and know when to walk away if she over steps them. Also, look inside yourself. Do you still have feelings for her? If she were to try anything (i.e. try to kiss you, etc), would you give in?

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    • kekkykook
      6 years ago

      Good question. I have asked myself this several times since she messaged me. I mean, if she tried to kiss me (which wouldnt happen, but if) I mean.. I don't think I can do such a thing because of the person I am dating right now. I love her, but, to be completely honest, I would want to.

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      • Tealights
        6 years ago

        If you want to kiss her, then it's best to keep your distance to not hurt the person you're currently dating; unless you feel giving up what you currently have to pursue your ex is worth it.

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        • kekkykook
          6 years ago

          I don't but only because I now this person doesn't have those type of feelings anymore. It's really complicated because I am living together with someone but ever since I got this message, I cant get her out of my head. But even if I would persue this, I'm not even sure that's what my ex wants, maybe she just wants to say sorry and leave it at that. I am not sure that's worth risking my relationship for. There would be a change if she actually wanted me back, but she doesn't, I think. Still, I feel pretty bad for saying that if she did want to, I would want to as well. It makes me feel a bit confused about where I stand with my current relationship as well.

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          • Tealights
            6 years ago

            Basically, you're not over your ex and the person you're currently dating is just a rebound that got serious.

            It's sad that the girl you're currently with is a place holder until the girl you want, someone who broke your heart once, decides to snap her fingers and call you back.

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  • yesnomaybeso
    6 years ago

    I wouldn't answer....

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    • yesnomaybeso
      6 years ago

      Honestly, to me, this message sounds like she isn't THAT sure about her current relationship. And she wants you to be unsure about yours too

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  • RandyRascal
    6 years ago

    This is a closure thing. Women sometimes takes years to emotionally process the end of a relationship.

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  • The_Great_Flatuloso
    6 years ago

    Women do this sort of thing all the time, even if it isn't meant as an "I want you back" sort of thing, they still do it as a way of checking up on how your life is going.

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  • jethro
    6 years ago

    So are you a woman or a man? I couldn't quite get that from your novel. Is seems as though she found a new girlfriend? So is she, and subsequently you, lesbians? Or did you turn her into one? But either way, just ignore her and move on with your life. You can't smoke a joint twice.

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    • kekkykook
      6 years ago

      Haha, sorry I probably should've added that. We're both lesbians yeah.

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  • Justmehere
    6 years ago

    She's getting things off of her chest, putting certain things to rest. Respond nicely, even just to acknowledge receiving the message. I reconnected with a former business associate woman whom I was very close with (most people thought we were a couple..we heard it all the time) but hadn't spoken with in 3 years due to a variety of reasons and our falling out. Conversation went well, we both admitted some part in the past issues, and all was fine. Difference b/t my situation and yours is, we're both single, met for lunch, and basically treated it like a date and sexual involvement we'd always had but never pursued.

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  • MR.mr
    6 years ago

    Reminds me I had an ex friend of 15 years who was a bitch to me so we stopped talking contacted me out of the blue years later.

    Your post is eerily similar to my experience, including the whole her apologizing and saying she was going through some bad shit at the time ect. We were just friends though we never dated.

    Do what you want but personally I'd recommend, not responding.
    I responded when she contacted me just out of curiosity, and all it accomplished was stiring up the past after I'd since put her out of my mind.

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    • kekkykook
      6 years ago

      But the thing is, I really want her as a friend but I also don't want to, you know? I mean, she doesnt deserve it but I feel like i'll forever think about it if I keep ignoring her.. idk.. maybe you're right

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  • Kkkkkkkk
    6 years ago

    Bro that was a lot of detail

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    • kekkykook
      6 years ago

      Not about why we broke up, thats what I mean lol

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