Is it normal that my depression feels like "home"?

I know, it sounds pretty weird. I've suffered from depression for 4/5 years now. I'm so used to feeling depressed, that it feels like the right emotion for me. Don't get me wrong, at one point I'd love to get help and talk about it, but something deep within me doesn't. I feel like my depression is my home. It's something I've known for years now. Other emotions just don't feel right to me anymore. It's like when you're going to a place you're not familiar with, and you're glad to be home later on. I feel like living happily forever is a total bullshit story anyways, so whenever I start feeling happy, I don't think it's real. I mostly remember that life, for me, has no purpose, and being happy is just lying to myself because I know better than that. Depression feels like home. I can't explain it otherwise.. but it does. My question, is it normal to both love and hate this emotion I get from depression? And better yet, do you have depression and get what I mean?