Is it normal that my babysitter was my first sexual encounter? (both female)

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22 Comments

Well... this is something I've only told a few people and nobody seems to have anything very solid to say, but opinions help!

I'm female, and when I was 12 years old I fell out of a tree, and got a tree branch between my legs. It hurt pretty badly, and my mid-20's female baby sitter took me inside and cleaned the wound which was on my "area". I honestly don't remember exactly what was said, but I know she kept asking if I could still feel there, because that was very important. She used a cotton swab, and I remember it feeling VERY good. She "cleaned" me a bit too long, and honestly I enjoyed it and didn't stop her.

I'm much older now, and have thought about this a lot over the years (how did it affect me / shape me sexually, etc.) and I'm not angry at her. I don't think I would consider what she did "abuse" either... but it's very strange to me, and I don't really know what to think.

Is it normal? Perhaps not? But advice or opinions on the matter would be greatly appreciated!!

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 22 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • nataraj
    11 years ago | pl

    It sounds like you got hurt and she took care of you nothing sexual at all.

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  • peter5736
    11 years ago | pl

    To be honest, the real question is how you feel about this. My first orgasm was on a rope in gym class. That didn't affect me, apart from becoming curious.
    My first sexual encounter with a woman was with my babysitter. That definitely affected my attitude to women.
    One big clue was that if the experience repeats, it was probably done knowingly (like my babysitter). If it doesn't, then the sexual pleasure was probably just coincidental.

    you should ask yourself:

    How do you feel about women when it comes to sexual pleasure?

    can you achieve the sane feelings on your own?

    If your attitude to it a yes to the second question, then you ate probably have a well adjusted attitude to what happened.

    If the first is a yes, then it's still not a 'bad' thing, but it does merit further discussion to understand how it made you feel.

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  • anonymous235
    11 years ago | pl

    Well, if your injury was in that part of your body, what else was she going to do?

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago | pl

    My indignation stems from the fact that I care and that I feel it wasn't right. It's good that you dont harbour your feelings negatively, but the least she could of done was wait. it's never good to kept your emotions tightly bundled, so at least you feel comfortable enough to share. If it was me.... I'd probably either keep it inside till I nearly exploded, or go on here.

    I don't psychiatrists or any kind of doctor, for that matter. I'm terrified of them and sometimes I have breakdowns during appointments. I don't think you're crazy and perhaps it is the same for the others on here or maybe it isn't.... Anyway, the suggestion to see one is out of worry not mental illness. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here:)

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago | pl

    Pumpkin, what she did was extremely wrong, she knew what she was doing! If I met her I would've beaten the living shit out of her! I would've kicked my foot so far up her ass, that it would've been coming out of her mouth and then I would've ripped it out her mouth!!!!

    You've got my support! What do the friends you have told this to think? Have you confronted this disgrace of a human being? I really think it would be best if you saw a Psychologist. A good one, one that will listen to your needs and calm the fears of your heart. Good Luck:')

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago | pl

      I don't really understand the aggression... I mean, yeah almost 2 decades ago a young woman made a mistake. I can't even remember her name, let alone "confront" her. I guess it was "wrong" but I still don't feel abused. I don't know why. I'm not afraid of what happened, I just... don't really know what to make of it all.

      For some reason I can't just make myself think "I was sexually molested & abused, and am angry about it!" Everyone keeps saying see a psychologist. I really dislike the idea! I don't think I'm mentally sick? It is kind of you to offer support of course, but I don't know what action to take.

      My friends have mostly told me yeah, it's weird... and asked me questions. "How does it make you feel?" and all that stuff. A few have also told me I was abused. A greater number have said it's "hot" and that the idea aroused them. Honestly, nothing all that useful.

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    • PumpkinKate
      11 years ago | pl

      I'm not saying it wasn't wrong, and one should never simply roll over and accept abuse, no matter what form it takes. That being said, the OP says she's "much older", and while it's good to realize what happened for what it was - abuse, I think she's making a good choice in not getting mired in anger, shame, a need for vengeance, etc.

      What's important is to try and reconcile the situation in your mind and repair what damage has been done by confronting it, learning and growing from the overall experience. A psychologist or therapist would be a very smart move, as they have extensive training in how to help you do this.

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  • PumpkinKate
    11 years ago | pl

    It's likely that this event did have a big impact on you, I mean if it was your first formative experience involving your sexuality than no doubt it has affected you. (Especially considering it's still a fantasy you masturbate to!)

    While it was an illegal act, worrying too much about that wouldn't honestly get you but so far. It's good that you don't seem to be angry and dwelling on it, for what's in the past is in the past. (Not to dissuade you from seeking legal 'justice' if you felt so inclined, but I somehow doubt you do) Moving forward is good.

    The only truly negative things you want to look out for are the effects it might have had. Do you have any "fetishes" that you think might relate? (a physical object or certain situation, like babysitters or being hurt?) Do you find yourself emotionally stuck at age 12 when you are sexual? You've already said you're not going to do anything sexual with someone that young, but are you attracted to them?

    If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, it's possible it DID have a lasting effect on you. The next question to ask would be "Does this negatively impact my life?" because if not, then... well, you've successfully learned to cope with it, and you're likely a stronger person because of it. Don't worry too much, though :) If you are truly bothered do try seeing a therapist!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago | pl

      Well after reading some of your questions and answering them in my head, it DOES make me "truly bothered" in a way? I like to think I have good judgment and would never hurt anyone but if I answered yes does it mean I HAVE to see a therapist? They scare me. I just wanted reassurance that while yeah, it affected me, I would be ok anyways! What if it isn't currently negatively impacting my life, but possibly could? I don't want to need "therapy" or to go see a "shrink".

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  • BoredGuy
    11 years ago | pl

    would be so much more awesome if you was a boy

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  • Dad
    11 years ago | pl

    Well obviously legally its child abuse, so just know that to begin with.
    What she should have done is contacted your (close by ?) parents and they would have attended to you.

    The other concern is children tend to exaggerate things, and now that you are older you may still believe in this 'too long' cleaning process, which may in fact have been your pants ripped off and a branch stuck in you that she removed 'carefully'.

    I don't want to down play child abuse, but it sounds innocent anyway, wrong, but innocent.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago | pl

      It appears I haven't been very clear about what happened, but my memory of the incident is quite accurate. She cleaned the wound and in asking if I could still feel things properly, she proceeded to 'masturbate' me, as in stimulating my clitoris with her fingers and the cotton swab until I reached orgasm.

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      • Dad
        11 years ago | pl

        OK, well that's a bit more explicit!
        Plus reaching orgasm at such a young age is nearly unbelievable!

        You may want to speak to a psychologist about this, because there could be issues that you think are normal now, from this episode that certainly aren't normal real life for others. ie Doing this yourself to others one day.

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        • PumpkinKate
          11 years ago | pl

          I had my first orgasm when I was 11! D:

          I still have my diary from the time where I wrote about it. I put a smiley-face after the entry and a lot of exclamation points.

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          • Dad
            11 years ago | pl

            11 you say?

            Hmm, I knew that young girls could actually enjoy this, but to have an orgasm at that age I wasn't sure.
            Hmm, thinking about it, I suppose its possible even at younger ages, except the child's mind may not be in tune enough to reach climax.

            You must have been a mature 11yo.
            I suppose no details of this encounter? Actually that may not sound good to ask.

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            • PumpkinKate
              11 years ago | pl

              I mean, I learned that rubbing against a pillow felt really good at like, age 8 or 9. I'm not sure if what I did could count as full-blown "masturbation" but I did that a lot.

              As for the first orgasm, that was pretty run-of-the-mill. It was with a shower-head.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago | pl

          I don't think 12 years old is all THAT early for a girl who has begun puberty to experience orgasm. (To quote an article I read in my human sexuality class, "The average age at first masturbation was 13.1 and the median was 12.6" in reference to females.)

          I appreciate the advice on seeing a psychologist to discuss this with them, I think it could be very helpful. Honestly I'm a bit offended that it is suggested I might do this to someone else one day. I have a relatively good grasp of what is socially acceptable (and legal). I'm simply trying to come to terms with what I went through.

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          • Dad
            11 years ago | pl

            Yes well don't be offended by people (hopefully) helping you or even just providing an ear.
            Why I mentioned about your understanding of right and wrong is because you yourself stated: "I don't think I would consider what she did "abuse" either"
            Whereas 'Legally' she DID (according to your testimony)

            STILL, sometimes people do grow up with 'unknown' psychological issues (to them) AND once these issues are found (if any) then you may be able to piece together other possible abnormalities in your teenage life, who knows? Have people ever questioned your actions to that level before?

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              11 years ago | pl

              Well I do appreciate the advice and time... just, I really wouldn't do anything like that.

              The reason I said I don't consider it "abuse" is that... I dunno. I don't feel abused. I know LEGALLY it is, but I don't have any negative feelings about it, just sort of a curiosity about the whole thing.

              I do have a strange past regarding sexual encounters but I don't think I have anything diagnosable (lest it be for adderall, they give that to any old person these days).

              Should I be more upset about it? Sometimes I feel like I should be angry, or feel abused. I just don't. Is that weird? I even fantasize about it sometimes when masturbating. GAH! I don't know!

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