Is it normal that it has taken 3 months
And I'm still not over this person?
We were colleagues then I moved workplace. I worked there for a year. I'd thought we would be friends for life. We caught feelings for each other and it ruined the friendship. We're both female, 30-ish and single. It got super awkward and then suddenly there was covid lockdown and we started weirdly stalking each other online. We had an even more awkward conversation after lockdown when work started up again and I resigned myself to the fact that she was avoiding me, and I kept seeing her hanging out in the places the two of us used to hang out, but with a different person. I smiled sweetly and waved and wished her and her new friend well as I silently felt gut-punched. She started acting like I was already gone before I even left; not even responding when I messaged her after coming out of an exam she'd been encouraging me to work for the first half of that year. All I could do was let the phasing-out happen and try to leave with my dignity intact. I continued low-key stalking her online, looking at her photo, etc. because I was heartbroken and I missed her before I'd even stopped seeing her around. I knew that trying to be near or with her would just harrass her and punish me.
I have never seen her again. I texted her when I got my exam results, out of courtesy on her birthday, and when I heard about her friend in Lebanon in the news, but I cut the conversations to 3 exchanges, max. I quietly chose to unfollow her on Instagram, remove myself from mutual WhatsApp groups and determine not to hope to see her again. It was a no-contact decision of sorts. Though the hope of seeing her again does tend to keep reviving itself and needing to be killed again.
It has been 3 months now. I can't get over it. I love her still. I try to get on with my life and distract myself by browsing dating apps and smiling at cute guys on the fringes of my work and social circles, and luxuriating in the excitement of being flirted with. But I still ache for her every single day. I still look at her picture on my phone and try to imagine what it might have been like if things were different and we were still together.
Is it normal for this phase to last so long? I just want it to end so I can get on with my life.