Is it normal that it has taken 3 months

And I'm still not over this person?

We were colleagues then I moved workplace. I worked there for a year. I'd thought we would be friends for life. We caught feelings for each other and it ruined the friendship. We're both female, 30-ish and single. It got super awkward and then suddenly there was covid lockdown and we started weirdly stalking each other online. We had an even more awkward conversation after lockdown when work started up again and I resigned myself to the fact that she was avoiding me, and I kept seeing her hanging out in the places the two of us used to hang out, but with a different person. I smiled sweetly and waved and wished her and her new friend well as I silently felt gut-punched. She started acting like I was already gone before I even left; not even responding when I messaged her after coming out of an exam she'd been encouraging me to work for the first half of that year. All I could do was let the phasing-out happen and try to leave with my dignity intact. I continued low-key stalking her online, looking at her photo, etc. because I was heartbroken and I missed her before I'd even stopped seeing her around. I knew that trying to be near or with her would just harrass her and punish me.

I have never seen her again. I texted her when I got my exam results, out of courtesy on her birthday, and when I heard about her friend in Lebanon in the news, but I cut the conversations to 3 exchanges, max. I quietly chose to unfollow her on Instagram, remove myself from mutual WhatsApp groups and determine not to hope to see her again. It was a no-contact decision of sorts. Though the hope of seeing her again does tend to keep reviving itself and needing to be killed again.

It has been 3 months now. I can't get over it. I love her still. I try to get on with my life and distract myself by browsing dating apps and smiling at cute guys on the fringes of my work and social circles, and luxuriating in the excitement of being flirted with. But I still ache for her every single day. I still look at her picture on my phone and try to imagine what it might have been like if things were different and we were still together.

Is it normal for this phase to last so long? I just want it to end so I can get on with my life.

Voting Results
89% Normal
Based on 9 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Cuntsiclestick

    I suggest you go out and start dating other people. That might help you get on with your life and forget her.

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  • Continuously thinking about her isn't going to help you forget her

    Whatever you may think about the law of attraction, it is still grounded in psychology, and the more you think about her, even if it's "forget her" or "don't", you're still thinking *about* her, and that's keeping her in your thoughts

    To truly forget her, you need to distract yourself whenever she pops up in your mind. It doesn't seem like you have much left to resolve about your time with her, you both had a crush and for whatever reasons it ended, so any more effort in thinking about her would most likely be a defense mechanism your subconscious is orchestrating to prevent you from assessing and integrating whatever you need to move on, because the "trauma" of moving on would be worse than letting her live on in your mind

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    • nopurpose

      I've been thinkin about milfs for years, why does the Law of Attraction not manifest for ME? Why aren't they showing up in my life

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      • Law of attraction only works if you know how to make it work

        I suspect you have things you need to work out before you can figure it out

        Until then you're just gonna be single unless you bump into someone equally as desperate

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        • nopurpose

          Yeah yeah. Do all of those for whom it's said to work have it already everything perfect? Maybe this Law of Attraction theory isn't valid. Idk There must be a fair share of desperate women uet none so far to chase me.

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          • It's only phony to you because you're at a much lower level compared to someone like me

            How does an ant understand the human that steps on it?

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            • nopurpose

              So that's your 'high level'? Awesome.

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    • I can't judge whether you're right, but thank you for caring.

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      • To be honest, you would be better off not believing me and studying psychology yourself

        College professors share their classes on YouTube, and there's even more written material online

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  • nopurpose

    So if you both got feelings for each other, why didn't you go for it? Why instead did you both make it awkward?!

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  • BatterMilk

    Man seems like you are in quite the unique situation. Look I don't have much experience with love, so please take what I say with a grain of salt. It seems like you have a hard time of letting go with this person. Not to go on for too long, but it's bests to find new people since their will always be somebody else out there. It's best not to over think in these types of situations.

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