Is it normal that i want to be a transvestite hooker/stripper/prostitute

My previous girlfriend was very manipulative and greedy. It took me a long time to realize that she didn't like me and was laughing at me behind my back, even embarrassing me in front of my friends. Now most people are bisexual to some degree, but ever since that experience I've had these thoughts that maybe I really am full on gay and should spend the rest of my life as a woman giving men sexual pleasures

It all started on Halloween 2012, my girlfriend found a stuffed animal under my bed that was probably there since I was in kindergarten. She already thought I was kind of feminine, like one time she told her friends that I was more of a manly girl than a real guy

After that she tried everything to make me admit that I was gay or wanted to be a tranny. One time I was hanging out with my friends and she called me, when I picked up and told her that we were playing video games she said "alright have fun sucking dick". I thought she was just kidding but the next time we met she had a big black dildo in her hands and told me to shove it up my ass

At this point I realized she was crazy and mentally imbalanced. But just to be nice, because it was almost Valentines day, I made a plan that I would give her some chocolates and then break up with her. So then I try to tell her that I don't want her in my life anymore. She got the wrong idea however, saying that I was giving her chocolates even though we were breaking up because I needed her there so no one could realize I was gay, in other words she thought she was just a cover up for me trying to hide my homosexuality

Now I was no more Mister Nice Guy. But then she dropped the chocolates on purpose and when I bent over to pick up the mess (it was perfectly good chocolate), she went right behind me and kicked me right between my legs in my balls. I fell down crying hurting like hell. She said "you don't have any balls anyway, you're a pathetic excuse for a man"

As it turns out she also got me something for Valentines day. A pink thong and a strap on dildo. She says the thong is for me and she starts to wear the strap on. That's when I know I have to get the hell out of there

I started running to my car as fast as I could and got away safely. I told my friends not to talk to her or pick up her calls or even follow her on facebook anymore because she was a crazy bitch who wanted to hurt me

A few days later when I was walking back to my apartment with some groceries, it was starting to get dark. I was walking up the stairs and about to turn a corner when all of a sudden I saw her standing in front of me and she sprayed mace in my face like a total bitch. As I was crawling on the ground unable to see anything some gangster looking guy in a white tank top who apparently came with her pulls me up and drags me away

The guy takes me behind the bushes with the girl, my crazy demented ex girlfriend, following him. The guy has a rope and ties me up and the guy and puts tape over my mouth. The guy and girl proceed to have sex while I am forced to watch them. Then in the middle of having sex they change their minds. He also has a knife. The girl comes real close to my face, reminding me of the times we kissed when we got this close, and tells me to open my mouth

The guy takes off the tape. I don't open my mouth but the guy is showing me his knife so I do it. She then spits in my mouth and the guy puts his fist on my lips and she tells me to swallow her spit. She then smiles at me and asks me if I like it. Then she says something that terrifies me. She says "I spit, but I know you swallow"

Then they start having sex again. This time the guy is just about to orgasm. He comes up to my face with the knife on my throat and tells me to open my mouth. I don't open it all the way but only showing my teeth. He ejaculates right in my face and it gets all over my lips and teeth. Then he punches me in the head and the girl and guy both disappear

Last Saturday she left a message on my answering machine, addressed to "Nikki the tranny porn star slut". My real name is Nick. So she says that if I like sucking dick I should at least get paid to do it

Sorry but I've had enough of this. But deep down I keep wondering if she might be right. But then I realize she's a violent piece of shit who raped me and traumatized me. But a small part of me keeps thinking if I liked it or not. I guess I'm just crazy