Ask Your Question today
Is it normal that my boyfriend will deny me sex when I want it, like a lot.. He will even put up a barricade so I can't get to his dick at night. Is this the only thing he feels he has control over maybe? Well, it drives me crazy, what could I do?
Is he able to explain his reasons why he behaves in such a silly way?
Has he always been like this or has he changed? I mean, has his interest in sex with you been always so low? Or was there a sudden change in his behaviour?
I do not know how normal it is, I voted not normal mainly because I think this situation is very bad plus sad and dangerous at the same time. He should be aware of two things (or more:)-
1.He can be very lucky that you want to have sex with him and he should appreciate the fact that he is not one of those men who are refused by their partners on a regular basis.
2.His denial is not innocent fun, it is playing with fire.
So he is scared you will rape him in his sleep? I do not know. Maybe he is just not in the mood as strange as that sounds or he is sadistic. Try asking him about it next time he says no. It could be he just doesn't want to. I never heard of a girl that is more pushy about sex next to the man. That aucutlly is kind of funny.
Of course, you have never heard of that. Do you really think that someone would tell you when you think it is funny? What for? To make fun of them?
There is nothing funny about it neither for the woman nor for the man. The guy may think he is less of a man because he has lower libido than his gf and the woman is sexually frustrated, feels bad because she is refused and may think or suppose that other people would think that there is something wrong with her because it is expected to be the other way around - i.e. that it is the man who is refused and not the woman. There is a reason why low libido in men (and men refusing to have sex with their female partners) is often refered to as "America's best kept secret".
How would you know that? You seriously need to relax. I know you are sexually frustrated but please don't kill anyone over it. I think we all hit puberty so chill out. You act like wanting sex and not getting it is going to kill you. Yes it is something we all deal with. Perhaps turn it into something constructive. Try exercise to kill off some of that energy.
"Perhaps turn it into something constructive. Try exercise..."
Only someone with zero libido may say such a stupid thing.
BTW, I am not sexually frustrated at all - I have sex with my bf at least twice a day every day. In addition I masturbate every day. I bet I have more sexual release during 1 average day than you have during the whole month (at least 20 orgasms a day). So shut up and or go exercise.
ok...I am the said bf in question. 1st , lets clear some things up . I love sex with my gf, she's hot and she's very very good at it, even after nearly 8 years of being together she can still turn me on and i have no complaints. Now that being said, no im not crazy, not gay(hell eff'in no) and im not holding sex back as any kind tease or game or any other kind of strange or asinine reason ,so you can all stop with the psycho-analysis and pretending to have some intelligent perspective with your lame ass comments.
The reason is simply this, when someone is treating you or acting towards you in a manner you dont like or having just an overall negative attitude at you or anything you do or say, you dont tend to be very agreeable towards said person. No matter the situation or circumstances. At least thats for me anyways. .....and since were talking about me , thats the only opinion that counts.
I was in a similar situation in the past as I had much higher sex drive than my previous bf. I also experienced some unbelievably absurd situations when I wanted sex and my previus bf didn't. I guess they would be funny for someone who hasn't gone through this kind of sexual frustration but not that funny for someone who knows what I am talking about...
To answer your poll question about what you could do - well, my answer is not very optimistic. My experience has taught me that the only solution which is successful in the long run is finding a new bf who is sexually compatible with me and has similar sex drive. That is what I finally did and now I am perfectly happy. I have been with my current bf for 5.5 years and our sex life is great. From this persepctive, my past seems to me like a nightmare so I can understand your frustration.
BTW, prasatko suggested good questions you should answer at least to yourself. If his interest in sex with you was all right in the past and declined, the probability that your problem could be solved is not so bad. However, if he has always been like this, I wouldn't expect that the situation will be significantly better in the future.
This might be a control thing to build up your urge so when yous do have sex its more pleasurable. But to do it alot isn't good. He might just be too tired after work or whatever to want sex, or it can also be him closing it off from hearing women in his past talking down on it like sex is a bad thing. Idk entirely. But women do at times put men down about sexual stuff. Then when they have women they don't want to lose them so they don't put the effort out as much as they would, losing the drive from some peoples opinions. Def talk to him about it tho.
"This might be a control thing to build up your urge so when yous do have sex its more pleasurable."
You can't mean this seriously, can you? Nobody sane enough to use a toilet independently wouldn't be so dumb to frustrate their partner so much by refusing them constantly and even by putting a barricade to prevent them from getting to their genitals just to tease them when it obviously has the opposite effect and makes their partner mad and frustrated.
Doing it in the context of a bdsm relationship is a completely different thing as this kind of treatment (I mean orgasm denial, complete control over the submissive partner and their sexual relief - when to allow them to get off etc.) may fulfill the desires of both partners in such type of relationship. However, it is not likely that the OP is in this kind of relationship if she is troubled by that.
Is it also a completely different thing to tease one's partner and to refuse sex which goes as far as putting up a barricade. Of course, some people tease their partners to build up their urge as a possitive thing for them but not when it has a negative impact on the relatíonship and hurts their partner if they love them.
You have no idea what such situation is about. If it was that easy, it wouldn't be such a trouble for the OP. Taking the matter into your own hands? Try to do that to a female who squeals immediately when your hand is about to touch her genital area or who makes a barricade to make sure she is "safe" in case she wasn't alert enough! It is the same.
I am sorry, if you think I did not give your question enough thought. But I tried not to be too direct, and can only give my opinion with what info you submit. You are right, there is no way I can put myself in your place and know how grave your situation is. Sorry, maybe be time for the two of you to seek professional help!
Thanks for your reply. However, I am not the OP :) Fortunately, my sex life is fine these days as I have found my current bf who is sexually compatible with me. My experience with a partner with considerably lower sex drive than mine is from my past. It is great you have never been frustrated so much because of significant sexual incompatibility with any of your partners. I hope that it will never happen to you. Good luck.
Well, I see it now :) I guess my thought process continued in the lines of his advice "I am pretty sure you know how to turn him" that is why the confusion... Masturbation is fine and it reduces sexual frustration. Sure, it is good advice to do that when he is not in the mood for sex or whenever else. I am not sure how frequent your partner's behaviour and his lack of sexual interest are. If it was an occasional occurence, masturbation might be a sufficient solution. However, if his lack of sexual interest is a daily occurence, masturbation gives you a sexual release but may not help you to feel better in general because the bitterness stemming from his refusal is not likely to go away so easily.
My fiance denies me all the time, he works long hours at work and is often too tired to get in the mood.
Is he not in the mood? or just saying no to annoy you? (if you're not sure then ask, don't assume)
And the fact he has to hide his penis from you is a tad worrying, are you that desperate for sex you're willing to molest him until his hard and wants it? technically that can be called rape.