Is it normal that i think that people have an obsession for defining sexuality?

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I don't understand why people want to define so bad "what they are", regarding their sexuality. First of all, I believe that sexuality is just one little aspect of a person as a whole, so I find it a little silly that we want that to be the main way to categorize and label people.

Personally, I don't even think that sexuality is a static thing, I see it as something fluid that can develop and change over time. I don't see the point of declaring one's sexuality, when the answer could still vary over time.

Finally, I think these labels just separate people instead of getting them together. Besides, sex is a really intimate affair and people should not be expected to give explanations to everyone.

Anyway, that's my rant for today. What do you think people?

Is It Normal?
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  • dom180
    8 years ago | pl

    I think a lot of what you say is very good, but when certain kinds of sexuality are oppressed in our society you can't blame those people for attaching importance to their identities. To say that all these labels do is separate people is to misunderstand that people have always been separated for who they are, label or not. Movements which focus on identity are a reaction to that. Gay pride is a reaction to existing heteronormativity. Black power is a reaction to exisiting white dominance. Women's liberation is a reaction to existing patriarchy.

    Members of dominant groups (i.e. straight, cisgender people) have the privilege of saying that identity doesn't matter, of putting identity out of mind. Members of minority groups are confronted everyday with the fact that their identity *does* matter.

    The problem isn't identity, or some obsession with self-defining. When we live in a world where not everyone is equal, identity is important. Inequality and injustice don't go away when we refuse to talk about them. The problem is in society.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago | pl

      I think that activism should concern everyone in a society, and not only the members of said underprivileged groups.

      I agree with what you say about identity, but the issue I addressed was sexuality only. I think gender identity truly affects a person in every single thing they do every day, whereas sexuality not necessarily has to greatly affect one's life at all. In fact, this is the core of what I firstly exposed, gender is something "public" in a way, something we fundamentally have to show everyone, but I see sexuality as something extremely intimate (it might be the most intimate thing one has) and no one should be forced or expected to openly disclose it and be a militant for the LGTB community.

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      • dom180
        8 years ago | pl

        I don't know if I understand your point. Are you saying that sexual identities aren't important? Apologies if this comment is erratic and disorganised :P

        Sexual identities absolutely are important. Sexuality isn't that intimate. Sexual advertising and other media is unavoidably public, and sex is present in the talk of normal people every day. It's all over this site. These depictions are almost always hetero, and that polices everyone's expectation of what kinds of sexuality are normal. Homo attraction has almost no representation in media or talk, and when it is it's a caricature or a gimmick. You're right that sexuality in our society is usually intimate and personal, but that's just another reason why it's so damaging for some sexualities to be underrepresented; it cuts deep into something personal and sensitive and natural to a person. Even though we only spend a really small amount of our time having sex, sexual identities are important all the time. You wouldn't believe how much heteronormativity is in the world unless you felt it. As someone who is bi I can tell you that it's absolutely everywhere.

        You can still have intimate sex in your private life. Disclosing your sexual identity doesn't change that. Expressing it publicly doesn't change that.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          8 years ago | pl

          OK, what I tried to say is that, unlike gender or race, sexuality is not something that is fundamentally exposed to everyone. That's why, in the face of discrimination, people with different sexual identities aren't necessarily in a critical disadvantage.

          Maybe with one example things would be easier... Sometimes, famous people have a doubtful sexuality. So the crowd and the media constantly scrutinizes about the topic and awaits the potential "coming out" moment, to then decide what to think of the person in question. What disturbs me here is, why do people expect an explanation about someone's sexuality? It feels to me that homosexuals (for example) are obliged by society to "come clean" about their sexuality. I don't know, I just feel disturbed by this social branding that is practiced so much.

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          • dom180
            8 years ago | pl

            Hmm. Coming out safely, and being recognised and accepted for how you identify, is a right. If a person refuses to come out because they're scared of discrimination or non-acceptance, then they're already being discriminated against. Just because they can choose to stay in the closet doesn't mean they're free; a closeted existence is still an oppressed existence.

            I totally agree that the rest of the world is never owed an explanation about an individual's sexuality. I'm totally with you that it's disturbing. I just don't think labeling identities is the core of that problem. As far as I see it demands for disclosure from celebrities are an effect of homophobic news media and nothing more. Sure identity labels might be tools used to harangue the occasional celebrity, but you can't overlook how essential they also are to LGBT+ movements.

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  • charli.m
    8 years ago | pl

    Because most people like to have a label for various things. It makes them feel more secure and stuff.

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  • VirgilManly
    8 years ago | pl

    People look for like-minded people.
    How else is someone to know if others don't let it be known.
    Know what I mean?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago | pl

      Yeah, but I would much rather take into consideration people's interests and personality than their sexuality.

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  • Sominn388
    8 years ago | pl

    It's true. Especially for gay and bisexual people. I suppose people try to define themselves in order to feel like part of the majority, or to be recognized for what they feel is a defining factor in their lives.

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  • green_boogers
    8 years ago | pl

    How do you define a good fuck? Well, there is such diversity in personal taste and variety of sensual responses that there are really very few partners that you will connect with at deep enough level to cause fireworks in the sack. I think the preoccupation with sexual identity is an instinctive effort to find the best of all partners as fast as possible.

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  • [Old Memory]
    8 years ago | pl

    i agree

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  • Lonely2
    8 years ago | pl

    We are all the same....there is no such thing as different sexualities.....even gender is pretty much an absurd concept....everybody is attracted to some people and not others...that is everbodies sexuality...so it is stupid to say that you are homo, bi, tri, hetero, pan whatever...we tend to cluster that is true...I tend to like a certain kind of type...sexuality is fluid your right....even the concept of sex is bs...there is no such thing as sex..it is a totally fictional concept...people enjoy bodily pleasure throughout their life cycle and all over their body...why do we focus on the genitals...some people may scream out in ectasy if you suck on their toes or ears...their is only pleasure there is no such thing as sex

    but people have an obsession with labeling all types of stuff that are fictional concepts race, religion, ethnic group...all fictions created in our minds

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  • Avant-Garde
    8 years ago | pl

    Sexuality is a bit part of identity. People want to know where they belong and know that there are others like them, or else they feel lost, in a sense.

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  • 213
    8 years ago | pl

    I have a feeling that you are Gay or Bisexual

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