Is it normal that i sometimes feel this way about sex in media and culture?

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12 Comments

Alright, first of all I want to apologize in advance for my grammar. It's far from perfect and I know it could use some work.

Secondly, I want to lay out some things first.
I am an 18 year old male. I happen to be a virgin by choice.
I have nothing against sex or the fact that people have it. I do have some spiritual beleifs on the matter, but they are not quite what I am here to discuss.
I am also comfortable with my own sexuality. I just wanted to make that clear from the start.

I'm trying to think of an elegant way to put this... it's not coming to me. Let's try anyways, shall we?
I sometimes feel crushed; or perhaps cornered by the fixation on sex in our culture.
I am a teenage male. I have received my share of sexual stereotyping in my time... and I basically take issue with being looked at by the media and by some aspects of our culture as a "sack of sexual hormones." I understand that we face many problems with things like teen pregnancy and STDs... etc. But something about being blanketed gets me. It occasionally feels like people expect me to just spontaneously go copulate with the nearest willing girl I can find.

Then... There are the more than a bit short-sighted people who believe that having sex = maturity. One of the most common ways to insult a person on the internet is to insinuate that a person is a virgin... particularly if they wish to insult a particularly immature person.
Now, of course, this sentiment is something that the vast majority of mature people will agree is untrue, but it's there.
Then there is the assumption that men are simply naturally more sexual in nature... Yeah. no need to explain my problem with that one.

Now, I'm confident in who I am. I am comfortable with my beliefs and my sexuality... but occasionaly when I am feeling depressed or solomn, it can get to me.

Not sure if I've goten my point across. This post was kind of stream-of-though... not very elegant.

Now, as it seems to be the traditional question on this site...

Is it normal that I take issue with the sexual stereotypes in pop culture?

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 12 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • dappled
    11 years ago | pl

    Yes, of course it's normal that you take issue with it. If it helps, it's not just you that is being labelled:

    Sluts, milfs, dirty old men, swingers, cougars, gold diggers, I don't think any of them are happy with being labelled thusly, especially if they don't fit what the stereotype implies. I see lots of people using these terms, though.

    So in short, yes, you are normal, and no, you're not alone.

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    • Veri
      11 years ago | pl

      Hey there.

      Thanks for commenting. :)
      I'm glad you brought up those typical labels.
      My post was a bit self-centered.

      And thanks for the sentiment overall.

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      • dappled
        11 years ago | pl

        I definitely didn't want to make you feel self-centred, because I don't consider that you are. You brought up an interesting point and I think the labels I gave are much more common in terms of causing offence. It was actually really good to hear about someone being offended by a label that doesn't bother a lot of people.

        I suppose my motive was to make you feel part of a bigger problem and, by implication, not alone.

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        • Veri
          11 years ago | pl

          Ha. No worries. You did nothing at all to make me feel that way. I was just saying more or less I appreciate you bringing it up.

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  • sweeie
    11 years ago | pl

    Well, as a non-virgin,, YES there's a big blow up of sex in the culture, why? Cause media are introducing youth to be ready for the sexual stage of puberty.
    Plus "Sex sells" soo.. And specially
    Sex + Music = Big money.
    It's aright to find it annoying, even I as a non-virgin finds it sometimes like this, but I often thinks "Pff, let kids be kids, they'll grow out of it". Sex are in fact very overrated in the media, as you might have noticed?

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  • KeddersPrincess
    11 years ago | pl

    I agree with everything you are saying.

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  • theaverageatheist
    11 years ago | pl

    I agree with you.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago | pl

    You know, 60 years ago remaining a virgin would have been considered an intelligent thing to do. Over-sexualizing was disgusting and as a result, people often found themselves being ashamed of their sexual desires.

    Fast forward to today and sexuality is no longer something to be ashamed of (or at least, not nearly as shameful as it once was). However, with every societal change, we are having trouble getting used to the idea that sexuality is NATURAL and it does more harm than good for people to feel ashamed for their sexuality

    It's going to have to get better though, because the fact of the matter is that sexuality is a very PERSONAL thing and nobody should be ashamed of their sexuality or lack of sexuality and that is what we're going to have to get over as a society. In order for our society to cope with these ideals we will have to get over the fact that sexuality DOES NOT DEFINE WHO WE ARE. A gay man is still a man and a lesbian female is still a female, a BDSM loving woman is still a woman etc

    Until we can realize that sexuality is just ONE of MANY facets of our identity then we are going to have this problem. I have no problem with people being open regarding their sexuality but it is troubling that this change is so difficult to handle that people have resorted to pushing their standards for what is right and wrong sexually on others.

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  • myboyfriendsbitch
    11 years ago | pl

    You brought up some very good points. It's hard for people to understand their own sexuality and even their own emotions when the media is bombarding us with "the proper way to do things." I just try to avoid the media, but of course it's the easily influenced who first fall into this trap and then, since such people seem to make up the majority of the population, the stronger-willed fall too as it is inevitably our nature to follow societal norms. It is inescapable and that's why i'm a whore (not really). :(

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  • dinz
    11 years ago | pl

    I honestly don't understand how society has come to the conclusion that not losing virginity is a stigma. I find it hilarious that alot of people can't comprehend the fact some want to remain a virgin by choice.

    I would say yes to a degree the media does portray a virgin to be a loser or lowlife but I'm pretty sure people should have the means to be a little bit more smarter and realise what we see on our screens is nothing but pure dramatisation of an issue for pure entertainment.

    I'm glad you have made a choice that you feel, that is right for yourself not for others. This can be applied to all decisions in life not only your virginity.

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  • Unimportant
    11 years ago | pl

    A mean person could just leave a comment like:
    "Dude, just get laid already..."

    But I'm not gonna do that. Because I respect your point of view, OP.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago | pl

    I agree. What irritates me is that you know you had to explain yourself that you are a virgin by choice, and you are comfortable with your sexuality before explaining what you did. I am guessing you done it because you had a feeling people would call you homosexual because of it? Not that there is anything wrong with homosexuality, but a lot of people on society seem to think that if someone does not want sex, then they are gay. I know I have been a victim of it myself.

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