I appreciate your responses. Let me clear up a few things. The guy I had an affair with first of all was just a good friend that was there for me when my husband and I fought. He saw it all and said my husband treated me like crap and I was too good for him. It may have been his plan to somehow take me away from a bad situation, but it wasn't my plan at all to sleep with him. I was abusing alcohol to cover up my hurt and got wasted and didn't even remember the 1st time. (Yes, I know, terrible)After I realized, I felt terrible and yes, like a slut. I trusted this "friend" and he listened and understood how I felt. He made me feel better. My husband lies to me a lot-over stupid stuff too! He's also been unfaithful at times in our relationship. I have a hard time trusting him. He knows I do. He also knows exactly how I feel about sex and our relationship, and how I'm disappointed. I've brought up splitting up, especially when the affair was going on, I even asked if he wanted me to just go find someone else to have sex with when he said he just didn't have as high a sex drive. I felt so bad cheating on him, yet resented him for not appreciating me or wanting to make love to a beautiful passionate woman. What's wrong with him? The sex was amazing with the other guy! Fun and thrilling while it lasted. Then I just felt so bad I couldn't really enjoy it anymore. I'm trying to understand and trust my husband, and not be angry at him every night. I told him I was lonely.
Having sex with other people is NEVER a good idea when your marriage is on the rocks.
You have both destroyed your marriage equally now; might as well get over the pointing fingers part and start communicating a whole lot more. At this point, it doesn't matter whether this is normal or not. Get your butts into therapy, if you want any chance of staying together.
Ignore the people who quick to judge & too lazy to read: the affair CAME AFTER the husband's rejection of you.
I agree: you have been put in an impossible position by your husband. He is the CHEATER - having cheated you of a sex life & unilaterally decided this will be a sexless marriage.
What nerve. This is totally unfair to you.
You must take charge. Send him to his Dr to rule out anything medical. If not medical, its time to confront (going for marriage counseling may help). Anyway, its time for him to shit or get off the pot.
Denial of sex can be used as a weapon about other issues. Who knows? Find out just wtf his problem is that he is resorting to bullying you sexually.
Once you have done this, and if there is no change, your options are to leave it, or live with it. Either way and whatever you do to cope try to have a clear conscious. You've tried.
I agree with Randomjelly about just leaving especially if you are young, have no children etc. as newly weds. But I disagree with her in faulting you for finding ways to look after your sexual needs if you choose to stay.
IIN that I resent my husband because he doesn't have sex with me?
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I appreciate your responses. Let me clear up a few things. The guy I had an affair with first of all was just a good friend that was there for me when my husband and I fought. He saw it all and said my husband treated me like crap and I was too good for him. It may have been his plan to somehow take me away from a bad situation, but it wasn't my plan at all to sleep with him. I was abusing alcohol to cover up my hurt and got wasted and didn't even remember the 1st time. (Yes, I know, terrible)After I realized, I felt terrible and yes, like a slut. I trusted this "friend" and he listened and understood how I felt. He made me feel better. My husband lies to me a lot-over stupid stuff too! He's also been unfaithful at times in our relationship. I have a hard time trusting him. He knows I do. He also knows exactly how I feel about sex and our relationship, and how I'm disappointed. I've brought up splitting up, especially when the affair was going on, I even asked if he wanted me to just go find someone else to have sex with when he said he just didn't have as high a sex drive. I felt so bad cheating on him, yet resented him for not appreciating me or wanting to make love to a beautiful passionate woman. What's wrong with him? The sex was amazing with the other guy! Fun and thrilling while it lasted. Then I just felt so bad I couldn't really enjoy it anymore. I'm trying to understand and trust my husband, and not be angry at him every night. I told him I was lonely.
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SassyFrassyLassie_old
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Having sex with other people is NEVER a good idea when your marriage is on the rocks.
You have both destroyed your marriage equally now; might as well get over the pointing fingers part and start communicating a whole lot more. At this point, it doesn't matter whether this is normal or not. Get your butts into therapy, if you want any chance of staying together.
Ignore the people who quick to judge & too lazy to read: the affair CAME AFTER the husband's rejection of you.
I agree: you have been put in an impossible position by your husband. He is the CHEATER - having cheated you of a sex life & unilaterally decided this will be a sexless marriage.
What nerve. This is totally unfair to you.
You must take charge. Send him to his Dr to rule out anything medical. If not medical, its time to confront (going for marriage counseling may help). Anyway, its time for him to shit or get off the pot.
Denial of sex can be used as a weapon about other issues. Who knows? Find out just wtf his problem is that he is resorting to bullying you sexually.
Once you have done this, and if there is no change, your options are to leave it, or live with it. Either way and whatever you do to cope try to have a clear conscious. You've tried.
I agree with Randomjelly about just leaving especially if you are young, have no children etc. as newly weds. But I disagree with her in faulting you for finding ways to look after your sexual needs if you choose to stay.