Is it normal that i quickly transition from happy to suicidal?

I'm depressed AF. And I daydream a lot. I just escape into my thoughts. I think about very happy scenarios, beautiful dreams of love and joy. And all of the sudden I quickly return to reality and cry because none of it will happen. It makes me cry for a long time and I get suicidal. I don't have any other choice than killing myself some day in my life.

Is It Normal?
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Comments ( 15 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • I can quickly transform from despair to joy, but lately it’s been more despair. I won’t go as far as to say I’m suicidial, though my will to live doesn’t really exist any longer.

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    • I understand. I gave myself an ultimatum. I'll accomplish my goals but if I'm still single at 30, I will kill myself. Don't have any options.

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  • I can relate 100% I still do and its been years its like people don't care they do but at the same time they don't cause they got their life to live you know? When I get older I have bad thoughts of buying a gun and testing people which will ultimately lead to my death then sometimes I just wanna live very bipolar I know I feel like when I'm genuinely happy something is gonna happen and I'm gonna die such a shitty way of thinking sober life sucks...

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    • Yeah, and I've changed recently. Like these times all I want is doing stupid things and getting drunk and having insignificant sex. I haven't had the chance too but I feel this strong urge of doing so. I was never like this before.

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  • have you looked into bpd and emotional dysregulation? you sound a lot like me.

    please try to be kind to yourself. it sounds really hard what you are going through, but there are good things in life. you're capable of more than you know.

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    • I took a screening test and bipolar disorder has scored extremely high. Today I felt so depressed I had to get out of school and get back home. Like all I could do is cry and feeling anxious for no reason after about 1-2 weeks of feeling amazing and having fun, I felt like pure shit.

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  • I've been there too, but please don't kill yourself.

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    • I live in a constant wave of ups and downs all day long. I don't know if there really is something good at the end. How did you convince yourself to not commit suicide?

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  • Please follow your dreams. The depression is an illusion, I'm the same but we must grin and bear it.

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    • This year is better, like exceptionally better than all these other years recently. Like just one year ago it was a huge disaster and all the past 4 years. I don't know why 2018 is like all special. But I struggle with huge over confidence, happiness, I'm like on a glittery cloud of ecstasy for a day and at night I get all depressed and super suicidal when I think of how stupid I am for being delusional or something doesn't go my way for 5 minutes. It's like I'm always expecting the worst for the future, I just panic. I think I might be bipolar af.

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      • That isn't really how bipolar presents. It just sounds like you are unsure of yourself and your aspirations and have negative self talk that dissolutions you easily.

        Try smaller goals that are attainable and don't put so much weight on what others think.

        It's ok to have grandiose dreams, now you have to break them down into small steps.

        It will get better. I have faith.

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