Is it normal that i never attended a funeral before?

There probably has been at least a few deaths in my "family" but not once have I attended their funeral. I don't have a good relationship to that side of the family so that's properly why. My Grandmother died this year but I didn't go, is that normal?

Is It Normal?
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  • I was a pallbearer at my maternal grandfather's funeral, and so was my sister. There were six pallbearers, three male cousins, my sister's fiancé, my sister and I. It was a small service. There was a nun who helped us with the funeral Mass, and I don't think she approved of having a couple of female pallbearers, but my family was like fuck it, this what we're doing.

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  • I dislike funerals. I can cope if it was just Great Aunt Maude or some other not too close person, but if it was someone close to me I don't want to cry and tell stories about them and comfort other people a mere week or so after they died. I am never ready to do that when the funeral comes. I have coping mechanisms, but they involve me grieving privately in the beginning - funerals are usually only a week or two after the person died - at that point I do not get any personal benefit from sharing my feelings, nor do I feel it is helpful to have a full day of that person's death being rubbed in my face in a public setting. I hate crying in front of other people.

    When it's someone close to me, I normally feel ready for a funeral about 3 or 4 months after the death. That's when I'm able to talk about it and perhaps start to think about saying goodbye. Nobody else ever wants to wait that long...

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    • Im the same way. Its too awkward to cry infront of ppl. I cant look at the body either. That may come off as rude but that shits too sad.

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  • Funerals are for the living. If you don't feel you need to go, don't.

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  • funerals are all as follows...

    -showin up & sayin hi to people you rarely see

    -religious junk

    -people sayin nice stuff about the deceased

    -more religious junk

    -buffet lunch and more talk with rarely seen people

    -possible day drinkin

    -go home & put on normal clothes

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  • If they're not close, it's not so unusual.

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  • I’ve only been to one and it was when I was a kid

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  • Well, you'll probably attend one somewhere toward the end.

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  • Normal. No need to go if you don't like them. I've went to a few and they were either really boring or just really friggin sad.

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  • Funerals aren't for the dead. They are for the living and to deal with the loss.

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  • i go to them quite often. Alot of people from my hometown have been dying from opioids.

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  • Funeral ceremonies are pointless since the person you're intending to attend is not really present there. If it's someone really close I understand you may be unwilling to let them go and cling to their corpse till it's deposed but other than that.. no sense.

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  • If you didn’t like them then it’s completely understandable that you didn’t go. I’ve been to 3 funerals, all of people I knew and liked and almost regretted going at times because they were so bleak and heavy. I wouldn’t suffer through it if I didn’t care about the deceased.

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  • Funerals aren't anything special really, though it can be a nice way to say goodbye.

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  • Yes it is a normal thing to be honest.

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  • When one of my relatives dies on my mom’s side of the family, people visit the body within hours of death, whether it’s in bed or lying on the side of the road. It then gets scooped up and put in an incinerator. They’re extremely frugal - didn’t pay college tuition for any of their kids despite having millions, served food at parties from food banks, always bragged about travel deals they got.

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  • Like most things that happen in a church, funerals are important to most people mainly because they want others to see them there.

    It's called 'paying your respects', but the dead person obviously doesn't give a shit at that point. Anyone who truly respected and cared about them should have made that clear when they were alive.

    Those who were really close to the dead person will still be in the emotional turmoil of processing their grief and quite possibly hating the fact that they'll have to make nice with loads of people expressing their sympathy, some of whom they won't know, others they'll positively dislike, and the vast majority of whom won't do a damn thing practical to help and won't be heard from again for months, because dealing with someone who's grieving is a downer.

    If you didn't get along with your grandmother and you don't give a damn about her nearest relatives, then going to her funeral would have been hypocritical. There's already plenty of that swilling around most funerals, so your absence was actually a service to the family.

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