Is it normal that i need to hide things and prepare for a friend's visit?

Friend of mine is visiting this week. Known him since college and we are good friends, but..Every time he visits, I need to over-prepare, to make up for his immaturity. Can't leave anything to write on out (that isn't in my home office), like a notepad and pen, or, pen by my fridge calendar, because he'll write all sorts of stupid crap on it, all throughout.

Anything personal care or medical, like a BP monitor to take your BP at home, has to be put in my bedroom so he won't mess with it. Photos or wall hangings that may set him off on a verbal, slamming rant? Take down before he arrives and replace with something general and blah.

He sleeps in my guest bedroom, where I also have a spare, backup computer on a desk. I unplug the power strip before he arrives, as I know he'll try to turn it on and likely mess things up. There are other things, but, you get the idea..I have to account for him being massively immature, destructive at times, and making fun of anything he doesn't understand, at least the day he's supposed to arrive.

Is all of this work normal or necessary, after this many years of knowing him? Wouldn't you think he'd be more mature than this by now, or, am I fooling myself thinking he should be better? It's not only exhausting, but, I'll admit..Does sometimes taint my mindframe when he says wants to visit. Lot or work just to keep one guy friend. Thoughts?

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7% Normal
Based on 15 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • lordofopinions

    I would question allowing him to continue being a friend.

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    • Mehereok1

      We did once go a year without speaking, and that had some to do with it. During one visit, some woman friend of his (friend only) called and I was joking around with her, and he got pissed. I still don't know why. Didn't speak for a few months, and I thought..Maybe I'm better off, considering the work involved with him.

      Then about a year later, I received a CD in the mail. He used to perform and do CD's, and sent me one. That told me..Argument's over.

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  • Not normal at all. Since he doesn't respect your things, tell him he simply can't come or stay over anymore. He has no right anyway.

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  • BigTiddyGothGfPls

    Not normal at all. To go through such lengths is bizarre to me, especially since he's an adult. Would it not just be simpler to tell him the do's and don'ts as he arrived? I'm sure he'd respect your wishes considering he'll be the guest. Maybe I'm wrong, ultimately you know this gentleman a lot better than I do... But no it is not normal :)

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    • Mehereok1

      Telling him the do's and don'ts would only make him do more, with other things, or, a verbal onslaught of questions and the passive-aggressive dig. I know him well. Even with my pets, I'm extra careful, and tell him..If so and so is out (meaning, not in a room with the door closed, or in my finished basement), be careful if you go out onto the back patio, because they'll run out.

      He's so careless and ignorant of these things, that he'd easily not look, one of the cats would run out, and that would be it. He doesn't pay attention and only cares about himself. Having to move and hide things shouldn't be needed, you are correct, because he is an adult, but it's what I need to do.

      It's also him...Will ask a million questions, of myself or staff at the sports bar I go and take him to for pizza, what's the drama, etc..Because it avoids him having to answer questions about his own life. If he messes up a calendar and I mention it, there's the distraction of his doing so, and not having to say squat about himself when asked. It's so immature, and uneeded.

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      • BigTiddyGothGfPls

        Ah man I feel so bad for you, he sounds like a real sort! No one should have a friend like that. But if he is your friend and you like him then who am I to judge.

        I can only hope for your sake that he isn't staying with you for too long 😂
        You must be real close friends if you put up with all this shit, either that or you're just an amazingly nice guy

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        • Mehereok1

          It's both. I am a very nice guy, and, as known him since my sophomore year of college, know the deal. He is who he is, even though I'd like him to grow the hell up sometimes. Honestly, I can deal with the having to put stuff away easier than the questions and comments and what's the drama with everyone else, while he refuses to answer, at any length, much about himself.

          He's only staying the night this time. Usually, during ski season, it's the weekend. And more than once, I didn't know about it until he was already on the way to my house. Calls me from 15-20 minutes away, saying went skiing and can I crash there. Well, he's within minutes..How can I say no?

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          • BigTiddyGothGfPls

            Yeah that'd get on my nerves too, I'd end up refusing to answer any questions until he answered some about himself. Is he just a real secretive guy?

            Ahh one night wouldn't be so bad then. It's a little selfish to ask to stay while being only 20 minutes away. It's like he expects it from you, but like you've said how can you say no. Do you think you'll ever bring up these issues you have with him? Maybe it could be a good idea, worth at least thinking about :)

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            • Mehereok1

              There was one weekend he visited that I told myself to do the opposite. Don't answer a thing about myself, friends at the sports bar, family, etc, and barrage him with questions about himself.

              I did do that, and he answered in his usual general, not really an answer manner, and continually changed the subject. It's not that he's secretive..It's that he's basically pretty nosey and wants to know your business.

              As for the short notice..He's done it 3-4 times. I'll be working on a late Saturday, and get a call "I'm on Route....at.. You around?", and think..He went skiing and is coming here. Better get the room ready.

              I've brought up these things here and there, but sometimes it's easier to just do them, put stuff away until he's gone, or give him the same, general answers to the probing questions. He's not a bad guy, but, I do have to deal with the immaturity.

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  • Ellenna

    Sounds more like a parasitical annoyance than a friend to me

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  • geek_god_101

    More effort to keep a friend equals likelihood they are no longer a friend.

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    • Mehereok1

      He's still a good friend, but, the effort is getting tiresome and, to me, unecessary after all these years. Was one thing to do all this when we were in our 20s..That's natural immaturity. But now? Still having to put things away, remove anything he'd make fun of (is what he does to anything he doesn't understand immediately), and answer his questions as general as I can.

      Funny thing is, we were at my usual sports bar one time, and he started, to him, joking around with one of the smarter, longer-tenured bartender girls. I even told him "You picked the wrong one", but he didn't listen. She put him in place fast. He told me "That one's mean".. I replied, no, she just doesn't put up with bullshit, and put your ass right down.

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      • geek_god_101

        I hate to say this but sometime in his life, he will need to grow up. Being immature past your 30s is looked down upon. Truth hurts, deal with it.

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  • Cats

    No it’s not normal. You shouldnt put up w that crap. How does he repay you for letting him stay in your home? Does he ever reciprocate?

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    • Mehereok1

      Not to laugh at your statement, but..Ha! Him repay me? Over the many years, he sent me a check, once, for all of 30 bucks. Not only do I put him up and feed him breakfast, but, I pay at the pizza place or bar because he's notably..And incredibly cheap with tipping. I know these employees, and tip them well. He's more of a no matter what the bill is, how long we sat, or what he had..Two dollars, tops. And, he drives them crazy with questions.

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      • Cats

        He's not a friend he's a user and a very annoying one by the sounds of it

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