Thank you everyone for commenting!! It has really been hard to kind of work through everything going on in my head with this. I was raised better and know better so I feel horrible that I even allowed myself to be in a position like this. William and I grew up together and grew apart together you could say. We have two great kids aged 11 and 9 and at this point I think that I have just decided to raise the kids and stay with Will. We have signed up with a psychiatrist and are going to at least try counseling and see how that goes. Ahhhh to grow up Amish was awesome actually. I loved everything about it compared to this English lifestyle. There are no worries, no enemies, no thoughts of how am I going to pay this bill or that bill this month type thing. It seems like it is so stressful living out here and I can always go back even when I am old and gray, I would be shunned for a year but once amish always amish and they will never turn anyone away. I am actually in the process of getting identification out here in the english world which has been so hard as I never had a birth certificate nor a social number - I was born in a house and the Bishop's wife gave birth to me, left at 18 and 20 years later I finally am trying to become someone to the state of NY!! So far I am in it for a year but hopefully soon I will be able to drive legally and even obtain a job, go to college and become something you know? William has always provided for our family so I've never had to do anything but clean the house and be with my children. The reason I left was mostly my mother, once me and my sister - we are twins, turned 18, she took us away from a very abusive father and William was right there to help us through. Again I want to thank you all for commenting and I read them all as soon as they were here - you really helped me to think things through and be honest with the whole situation. Jimmy's will come and go but William has always been there and I need to stay with the man who I know would never ever give up on me. I have stopped talking to Jimmy. I did tell Will about him and the threat of another man made him not only very jealous but a little controlling as he wanted to know where I was at all times type thing for a few days but after we sat down and talked more about it he agreed that he has pushed me away and that he is irrational at times. He mentioned that he started taking stereroids and then I just knew the reason why he changed so we are working through it and hopefully soon we will learn to love each other again :)
IIN that I may still b in love with an ex after years of not talking
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Thank you everyone for commenting!! It has really been hard to kind of work through everything going on in my head with this. I was raised better and know better so I feel horrible that I even allowed myself to be in a position like this. William and I grew up together and grew apart together you could say. We have two great kids aged 11 and 9 and at this point I think that I have just decided to raise the kids and stay with Will. We have signed up with a psychiatrist and are going to at least try counseling and see how that goes. Ahhhh to grow up Amish was awesome actually. I loved everything about it compared to this English lifestyle. There are no worries, no enemies, no thoughts of how am I going to pay this bill or that bill this month type thing. It seems like it is so stressful living out here and I can always go back even when I am old and gray, I would be shunned for a year but once amish always amish and they will never turn anyone away. I am actually in the process of getting identification out here in the english world which has been so hard as I never had a birth certificate nor a social number - I was born in a house and the Bishop's wife gave birth to me, left at 18 and 20 years later I finally am trying to become someone to the state of NY!! So far I am in it for a year but hopefully soon I will be able to drive legally and even obtain a job, go to college and become something you know? William has always provided for our family so I've never had to do anything but clean the house and be with my children. The reason I left was mostly my mother, once me and my sister - we are twins, turned 18, she took us away from a very abusive father and William was right there to help us through. Again I want to thank you all for commenting and I read them all as soon as they were here - you really helped me to think things through and be honest with the whole situation. Jimmy's will come and go but William has always been there and I need to stay with the man who I know would never ever give up on me. I have stopped talking to Jimmy. I did tell Will about him and the threat of another man made him not only very jealous but a little controlling as he wanted to know where I was at all times type thing for a few days but after we sat down and talked more about it he agreed that he has pushed me away and that he is irrational at times. He mentioned that he started taking stereroids and then I just knew the reason why he changed so we are working through it and hopefully soon we will learn to love each other again :)