Is it normal that i kinda wished my mum had cancer so i could get sympathy?

My mother was diagnosed with cancer a few days ago and I'm pretty stressed about the whole thing. I love her so much and I'm scared she might die. Which makes me even more guilty! In the beginning we thought it was just a cyst, so I had thought to myself one day "I kinda wish it was cancer so I could get sympathy from people."

I've always kinda loved disasters in my family and arguments. They make me feel alive and it gives me stories to tell and dunno, I just like being stressed and in the heat of a moment. So this thought was for that, so I could go to school and say "Hey my mum has cancer" etc and get sympathy and have people get upset and inquire about me because they usually never do that.

I also feel guilty because one day during a fight I thought "I wish it is cancer and you die and go to hell!". Horrible I know... This was all before I knew it was cancer and now I feel very guilty like it's all my fault. I know it isn't, but still. I love my mum and don't feel like capitalizing on her misery, so it's weird that I thought these things... Please submit a comment. I just feel very guilty.

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Based on 108 votes (28 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • ComeFlyWithMe

    I think you already know this, but don't say that kind of stuff to your mom. Also, don't feel guilty about the cancer, it obviously wasn't your fault that she got it. Also, try not to stress her out or get into fights with her even if you enjoy it (which does not seem normal to me). Try to be supportive and help her keep a positive attitude. I hope everything turns out ok and I wish your mom the best of luck in fighting her battle with cancer.

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  • Do you suffer lack of attention? Don't mean that in a nasty way.

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  • DC61091

    I do the same kinda shit, I wish i get in really bad car accidents and die so people miss me. Its fucked up.

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  • dappled

    My ex milked her own mother's cancer for all she was worth. I think it's normal to turn every situation to one's own viewpoint, but as people get older and more mature they gain more ability to empathise and put other's first.

    I echo the comment above and hope your mother makes a full recovery. Cancer is a horrible illness. It took my godmother when she was 39, and eventually my grandma.

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    • None taken - like I say in my story now that it's actually happened I don't feel like sharing it with anyone in reality! So it's weird that I'd think that.

      Thanks for sharing your experiences everyone.

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  • blackjackWIFE

    My mother is a two time survivor of breast cancer, and I can't even believe ANY daughter would wish that upon their mother. You do know that there is a possibility your mother could be carrying the breast cancer gene [brca1 or brca2], and could have passed it on to you. That would be ironic, wouldn't it? Sorry, nothing really offends me, but there are so many strong women out there who devote each day to fighting and beating this disease, I can't comprehend that someone would think these things. Best of luck to your mom.

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    • I'm not a daughter...

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  • anya07

    Its not your guilt because you havent done anything.Its an illnes and it can happen to everyone but the things you said to your mom are horrible.I know sometimes its hard to control yourself when you are angry or nervous but she is your mom and you cant change anything.Now dont feel guilty.Try to give her your care,love,attention as much as you can.There are so many people who lost their moms and wish she could have been there next to them.We are not friends with my mom and fight a lot but 3 months ago her sister died and when I saw the sorrow of her kids I just realized how much I love my mom.What refers to peoples sypathy I think you just need attention but please not in that way.Why dont you try to have goals to reach them and then people will talk about you

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  • rockerxchick313

    Attention whore. No offense. But its just about it.

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  • aussiewolf

    wow you are so screwed up. im not speechless very often but wow! i umm.....wow....i would hate to see what happens to you when karma comes back to bite you in the bum. you do realise that when you wish things on people, they come back to you three fold.

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  • wistfulmaiden

    youre officially Fucked Up.

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  • heloise

    i know what you mean.. i get the same, i like diasters and arguments too, i have also had thoughts like this and felt really guilty aferwards. but my mum died when i was 9, because of cancer and although i know where you are comming from, make the most of the time you have with her because you dont know whats going to happen and if unfortunatmy she does die you will fell terrible. Make the most of the time you have with you mum because i know that if i could go back in time, i wouldnt have done or said half of the stuff i did back then and i regret it so much now..

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  • lilaithe

    Everyone has thoughts they can't control. Right on to you for not speaking them aloud to her in the heat if the moment. You thought those things before you knew it was actually cancer, and, cmon people, we all have awful thoughts every once in a while. We don't say them aloud, but we still feel guilty.. The fact that you feel bad for thinking it is enough to prove you're a good son and love your mother. Show her support, give her hope and make her happy and in doing so, you'll make yourself feel better about it by making her feel better. Best wishes to you and your mother, I hope everything will turn out alright.

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  • angelatarantula

    i realise i may have sounded mean but i want u to know that i think u have a disorder for which u can get help... your story brings to mind munchausen by proxy (which it is obviously not) but it def seems similiar. good luck

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  • kittykat50

    You are a heartless bitch. You want to tell stories to your friends, then you should go out and do something worth talking about. Not talk about something so sensitive to get attention

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  • angelatarantula

    wow that is horrible... what terrible thoughts you have and for such selfish reasons :( seriously u need a psychiatrist. it might also help to seek forgiveness within yourself and to wish your mother well everyday. i hope the best for your mother and hope u seek treatment.

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