Is it normal that i have two men in my life that i love?

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9 Comments

I rather despise that I using the interweb to vent my frustrations at this moment considering I am extremely open person and have an easy time to saying my mind typically.

This my life, utter randomness. I ended up moving across the country and are now living with a love interest and his family. I had another I was romantically interested in, but I got very close to the person I am with now. I am engaged to this person, let's call him "Sky."

I have been very happy with Sky. It got rather awkward with my former love interest. I finally worked my way to telling him what happened in my life. He instantly broke down and got suicidal...Like a bad lifetime movie, last thing I've ever wanted.

I know he wasn't screwing around. I didn't find out he was suicidal from him out right. Considering our occult ties, my inner circle treats each other life family. We all do our best to nurture each other and have each others backs. Didn't take long for the news to circulate back to me.

I'm states away and I end up talking to him on his rather dark moment hearing words like "good bye." Out of desperation for the preservation of my friends life I end up blurting "I'll be with you if you stay here."

My intentions and words did not match. I'm left in an awkward position of promising someone i'll be with them when I had different plans.

I was hoping to just hoping to wait for him to be stable and to try the "seperation" yet again. It's not going how I planned. The part that is making me nuts is that I sincerely care about this individual, I strongly desire him in return. I know I would be happy with him, but I have Sky...I love Sky dearly and are very grateful to have him in my life. He is very loving and devoted, I could not abandon him.

The other individual was suicidal before I met him. He's not emo, or an attention whore. He just genuinely hates being alive. I watched him pep up and change quite a bit after we met. Almost like A Florence Nightingale syndrom, but not exactly.

I have two people in my life I love dearly, and two promises I'm supposed to keep... It's been driving me nuts, and I lack outlets to express the insanity this is driving me towards.

Some of the advice I have been given is just to leave the other guy alone, or let him be. I remember when I was suicidal, if it was not for intervention I would not be here. I remember how much it would have meant to me if I just had someone reach out and show me care, so I shall not turn my back on my loved one. At the sametime, I promised more than I can give

>,<' *frustration, anguish* TT_TT

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Comments ( 9 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • Inspector019
    12 years ago | pl

    Only suicide boy can choose to save himself. Bargaining doesn't really do any good. You are just a vice to which he uses as a phantasy type excuse to not be suicidal. You said he was this way before you came along. The only thing you are doing is putting yourself in a predicament that will place you on a pedestal that only has one leg. You can't live up to the phantasy expectations that someone suicidal has of you(ex: being the "one and only saving grace"). It is impossible. A set up for failure. Perhaps suicide boy needs an intervention, but the professional kind, not a bunch of fake promises, and phantasy feed-ins (that will only worsen the already deteriorating situation). Kindly move on and perhaps arrange with the circle if friends for them to stage some kind of help/intervention that doesn't involve you.
    Good luck.

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  • BoredGuy
    12 years ago | pl

    today's lesson: only takes 1 whore to ruin 2 guys lives.

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  • cinnalife
    12 years ago | pl

    I have to agree with random. If he hates life as you say, he will be suicidal with or without you. The difference is being with you will just delay it. Maybe months maybe years. And, when time comes and for whatever reason he's unhappy with life again with you, you'll be wondering "what if" with this other guy. Sometimes you have to think of yourself. Which man will make YOU happy? Which man will give YOU what you need, long term? You can be a great friend to this suicidal guy by getting him professional help. I wish you luck. :-)

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  • chyran
    12 years ago | pl

    I think this vry much like my story... I'm trying to move on in life nothin else can we do... But nw tat we've committed to sm1 needs to be r preference... The suicidal guy needs to be made understood he's spoiling three lives... And u've to keep a rock on ur feelings towards him. I kn it's vry vry hard but if u dnt ths may effect ur healthy relationship.. Luv needs to be compromised for relationship... Aftr all life I. Compromise aftr all... Everything's not in our hands...

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  • randomjelly
    12 years ago | pl

    If they want to off themselves they will do it with or without you.

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  • SwimBikeRun
    12 years ago | pl

    It sounds like you're trying to take care of these men rather than truely loving them and having a healthy relationship. You're not mentioning anything that you're getting back in return from these relationships. Being with someone or even saying you're going to be with someone because they're threatening thier life is hardly a relationship. Sounds like these are more of parent child type relationships and not reciprocal in nature. It doesn't sound like you know what you want for YOU.

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  • shuggy-chan
    12 years ago | pl

    No both are, and she like both and want to return the help she got when she was suicisal by helping them, but the romantic aspect got in thw way.

    i not sure on the advice part thou @_@

    Im off and on with suicide, if it wasn't for the guilt if feel if i killed myself toward my parent since im an only child. I'd have done it by not to. and not attention grabing look at me, just my car, no seatbelt, about 100mph and a tree.

    Damn this is more of a pickle the more i think about this,. I'll have to come back to this one

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  • blurch
    12 years ago | pl

    Get more philosophical about life, death and "love".

    The occult doesn't generally 'do' philosophy though, so that might need to be a side project.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago | pl

    so confusing, i don't understand. is this it? 2 men you can't choose, 1 is suicidal.

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