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I have trouble socializing even with my family. When we get together and have something to eat I hide myself in my room because I can't get myself to be involved. I don't feel comfortable talking to the whole family and I just don't like the thought being around so many people at once in general. I'm too scared to go out on the weekends with them or do anything. I end up being alone most of the time because of this.
This is what I’m going through😭 and I really wanna move away as far as possible. I hope one day I leave and I’ll never return back here, I’m so sad and being around my family makes me more sad, I don’t speak to nobody in my family, I have a sister who’s 2 years younger than me, I don’t even talk to her we live in the same house. She talks to my sister inlaws tells them everything and I’m the black sheep, one time I finally decided to try and socialise iwith them and I went over and they didn’t even speak to me I was sitting there listening to them talk while I sat there and they didn’t even try to conversate with me, I felt like crying. Literally, I don’t get invited to any family stuff, one time there was a Babyshower, no one said anything to me or invited me. I pray and hope I get away from here. And I hope you can do the same ❤️
I'm no expert, but it sounds like you're suffering from a lot of social anxiety, and possibly even agoraphobia. I've dealt with those demons a lot too in my life. It's not easy, but you have to try to fight those strong desires to isolate yourself.
Do you struggle with depression, and anxiety? What is your homelife like, dear heart?
I have ADHD and always has been shy. I know I should join in family activities but I can't get myself to do it and end up being alone. Even if I somehow managed to hang out with everyone I would feel like crap and that everyone is disappointed in me or something alike.
Sometimes I think I might have Attention Deficit disorder myself. I was always escaping life through my imagination for a good part of my life, and I probably still do to some degree.
I hope you don't mind my asking, but what does it feel like for you when you are at a relatively large family gathering? Off the top of my head I mostly just remember being bored when I think of that sort of thing at this moment. I have memories of being a young person, and listening to adults talk about random stuff in which I had no interest. Even as late as my mid forties I have memories of my mom telling me she was having a large family get together, and then leading up to the event I would feel quite anxious, and not interested in getting ready, or I might even have a panic attack, and or a headache, nausea and upset stomach whereupon I would decide not to attend the event, or my might arrive excessively late. I don't think my mother's family understands, or appreciates my point of view. Believe it, or not a lot of the time I find myself worried about whatever weird, awkward or embarrassing things people might say to me.
I will be self-conscious and wish it would end. If it's at home I can handle it better but I generally don't like socializing particularly when there's a lot of eyes around. We have a meet up with the other family tomorrow and I'm set on not going. If I do go I will feel anxious and regret going. I will hate every second of it and feel like crap.
I remember once having to go to some family get together around the Thanksgiving, or Christmas over 13 years ago, and basically feeling like there wasn't enough booze, and weed to make my feelings go away. Of course substances don't make bad feelings go away, those things just numb the pain for a little while.