Is it normal that i hate myself so much?

I despise myself so much. I just feel like my existance is an annoyance to everybody. I pity those who think they love me, because it feels like they don't know how shit I can be. I always try to do what's right and im generally kind, that s why people often do tell me that im a nice person, some even told me that I was the best thing in their lives in a certain period. But that s something that i don't wanna hear, they don't know how selfish, egocentered and careless i can be. I feel like everyone would have been happier if they didn't know me, especially my family members. I feel like im the least loved child, actually im certain I am. I don't want to kms, not at all. I just think that if i didn't come to life it would have been better.