Maybe people have a bad impression of you "because" you remain silent; not despite that fact. Keeping to yourself and not "saying a word to anybody" can sound like the ideal solution , but unfortunately it just leads to people judging you unfairly, and you becoming isolated and feeling lonely.
Most people need friends and human contact to feel happy - it's an unavoidable fact - even if it seems inconvenient.
And like GS said; you need to fix yourself, rather than moving away. You go to a new place to get away from problems, only to find that you're still exactly the same person, and some of those problems are internal. It can be a hard pill to swallow.
But I just don't think you've taken every step to be happy, like you think. It's difficult and takes time. Sometimes you just have to have faith that things will improve and keep going for the moment.
tl;dr (Stop dwelling on the negative things. Try meditation/visualisation to help your mind ease into some healthier ways of thinking. Once you're thinking and feeling much better, those relationships with others will improve tenfold.)
It's hard, I know. theseeker gave some good advice there too.
I know what it's like to think "I just hate people. I hate everybody" but like theseeker said, it's more complicated than that. And more often then not, you don't really hate people.
Now, you may actually hate a few people or have had bad experiences, and it's tempting to think along the lines of: "I must just be a person that will never get along with anybody. I must be different and people will always hate me and I will always hate them!"
But trust me, you're not like that.
If you can't think positively right now, at least stop fixating on the bad things that people have done. It's not always possible to think and feel 100% positively.
But it is always within your power to choose what you ^keep^ thinking about. So at least stop dwelling on the reasons why you hate people. Don't let yourself indulge in those thoughts.
It sounds like you're probably suffering from depression. That means you won't always be able to control how you're feeling. But if you find yourself dwelling on negative/unhelpful thoughts (even if you think they are true, you still know they're negative), then you have to consciously stop yourself, and try and think of something more positive. Because that is something that you DO have control over.
Everything we do, all our actions, start out as thoughts. If your mind is full of negativity, then negative things will certainly happen in your life. So to be aware of, and in control of your thoughts is really important in determining your actions, feelings and your future.
In a healthy person, it's relatively easy to control your thought patterns. But for a depressed person, it can be extremely difficult to control your thoughts, let alone your feelings.
So for now, I won't say try and think positively. More like, try and stop thinking negatively. Stop yourself dwelling and fixating on unhelpful/negative thoughts, whatever those may be.
Read about and try some meditation and visualisation techniques. They can be really helpful.
Also, try just *allowing* yourself to think positively and imagine positive, happy scenarios, even if it's just a fantasy for now. Don't you think if you spent 10 mins every day imagining a positive, happy version of yourself, with great friends and relationships that those things would be much more likely to happen? I think so.
Well I'm not sure if any of that helps, or if I'm a bit off the mark with this long, drawn out (!) comment, but hopefully some of it helps you a little bit :)
Your words are giving strength to me...Today its self on one my toxic friend who always try to belittle me and seek or create situations to take out shit of me was tryng to say that I am wrong in every way...this and that. I just replied : "'GOOD...I want to live in peace and sanity so i will remain calm..I know one thing if somebody loves me he will remain with me and if somebody dont then my words cant stop them,,take care"' ,,,Tell me is it a good answer,,actually i m tryng to thought and proceed this way only ,I dont wanna think much cz it makes me feel confused and powerless,,duffer,loser.
I will meditate from now and will keep my innerself calm so that others actions would not affect me. wht say?
That sounds great! To be able to maintain that calm in the face of someone trying to bring you down is very admirable.
It really sounds like there are actually some bad people in your life who are trying to bring you down.. that's terrible. I feel really bad for you.
If you can, you should really try and stay away from those people.
yeah but the problem is that these people used to my closest person once. I am hurt with their behaviour and attitude owards me but i took a decision that i wont beg for love and wont run after anybody to justify my position and actions.What they think is now their problem,,,not mine :)
IIN that i dont like any place to live.
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Maybe people have a bad impression of you "because" you remain silent; not despite that fact. Keeping to yourself and not "saying a word to anybody" can sound like the ideal solution , but unfortunately it just leads to people judging you unfairly, and you becoming isolated and feeling lonely.
Most people need friends and human contact to feel happy - it's an unavoidable fact - even if it seems inconvenient.
And like GS said; you need to fix yourself, rather than moving away. You go to a new place to get away from problems, only to find that you're still exactly the same person, and some of those problems are internal. It can be a hard pill to swallow.
But I just don't think you've taken every step to be happy, like you think. It's difficult and takes time. Sometimes you just have to have faith that things will improve and keep going for the moment.
--
rachel.dsouza
8 years ago
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thanks..But what should i do. I tried to love people,my Gfs .But everybody ditched me or backbite
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victorygin
8 years ago
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tl;dr (Stop dwelling on the negative things. Try meditation/visualisation to help your mind ease into some healthier ways of thinking. Once you're thinking and feeling much better, those relationships with others will improve tenfold.)
It's hard, I know. theseeker gave some good advice there too.
I know what it's like to think "I just hate people. I hate everybody" but like theseeker said, it's more complicated than that. And more often then not, you don't really hate people.
Now, you may actually hate a few people or have had bad experiences, and it's tempting to think along the lines of: "I must just be a person that will never get along with anybody. I must be different and people will always hate me and I will always hate them!"
But trust me, you're not like that.
If you can't think positively right now, at least stop fixating on the bad things that people have done. It's not always possible to think and feel 100% positively.
But it is always within your power to choose what you ^keep^ thinking about. So at least stop dwelling on the reasons why you hate people. Don't let yourself indulge in those thoughts.
It sounds like you're probably suffering from depression. That means you won't always be able to control how you're feeling. But if you find yourself dwelling on negative/unhelpful thoughts (even if you think they are true, you still know they're negative), then you have to consciously stop yourself, and try and think of something more positive. Because that is something that you DO have control over.
Everything we do, all our actions, start out as thoughts. If your mind is full of negativity, then negative things will certainly happen in your life. So to be aware of, and in control of your thoughts is really important in determining your actions, feelings and your future.
In a healthy person, it's relatively easy to control your thought patterns. But for a depressed person, it can be extremely difficult to control your thoughts, let alone your feelings.
So for now, I won't say try and think positively. More like, try and stop thinking negatively. Stop yourself dwelling and fixating on unhelpful/negative thoughts, whatever those may be.
Read about and try some meditation and visualisation techniques. They can be really helpful.
Also, try just *allowing* yourself to think positively and imagine positive, happy scenarios, even if it's just a fantasy for now. Don't you think if you spent 10 mins every day imagining a positive, happy version of yourself, with great friends and relationships that those things would be much more likely to happen? I think so.
Well I'm not sure if any of that helps, or if I'm a bit off the mark with this long, drawn out (!) comment, but hopefully some of it helps you a little bit :)
--
rachel.dsouza
8 years ago
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Thank you for your concern dear :)
Your words are giving strength to me...Today its self on one my toxic friend who always try to belittle me and seek or create situations to take out shit of me was tryng to say that I am wrong in every way...this and that. I just replied : "'GOOD...I want to live in peace and sanity so i will remain calm..I know one thing if somebody loves me he will remain with me and if somebody dont then my words cant stop them,,take care"' ,,,Tell me is it a good answer,,actually i m tryng to thought and proceed this way only ,I dont wanna think much cz it makes me feel confused and powerless,,duffer,loser.
I will meditate from now and will keep my innerself calm so that others actions would not affect me. wht say?
--
victorygin
8 years ago
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That sounds great! To be able to maintain that calm in the face of someone trying to bring you down is very admirable.
It really sounds like there are actually some bad people in your life who are trying to bring you down.. that's terrible. I feel really bad for you.
If you can, you should really try and stay away from those people.
--
rachel.dsouza
8 years ago
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yeah but the problem is that these people used to my closest person once. I am hurt with their behaviour and attitude owards me but i took a decision that i wont beg for love and wont run after anybody to justify my position and actions.What they think is now their problem,,,not mine :)
--
victorygin
8 years ago
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Absolutely. That must really hurt, but I like your attitude about it.