I admire the sentiment. What I truly wanted was the same; to fall in love and lose my virginity with a special man who I would be emotionally and sexually bonded to.
However, I decided the same as the OP; lost my virginity to a person I despised because then I did not have to feel sad about it or even think about it afterwards.
For me it ended up being about claiming my body and my sexuality as my own, alone.
Do I regret it? Yes, occasionally I do. However, I am not sure how I would feel being a virgin today. Actually, I am not sure how different my life might have been. Would I have taken different decisions... too personal to discuss here at this time.
IIN that I didn't want my virginity to be taken by anyone I know?
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I admire the sentiment. What I truly wanted was the same; to fall in love and lose my virginity with a special man who I would be emotionally and sexually bonded to.
However, I decided the same as the OP; lost my virginity to a person I despised because then I did not have to feel sad about it or even think about it afterwards.
For me it ended up being about claiming my body and my sexuality as my own, alone.
Do I regret it? Yes, occasionally I do. However, I am not sure how I would feel being a virgin today. Actually, I am not sure how different my life might have been. Would I have taken different decisions... too personal to discuss here at this time.