Is it normal that i'd be okay with a girl for right now, but don't know how?

78% Normal
15 Comments

I'm single and I get pretty lonely sometimes, and it would be nice if I could go out and spend time with a girl just for the sake of spending time with her. But I don't know how to find people like this. I'm sure other people must do it though.

Sometimes on a lonely Friday or Saturday night, I'll end up at one of the bars by myself. But all I ever see there are just large clusters of people hanging out and carrying on with each other.

Last week I actually bumped into someone that I recognized from work. She was there with a friend who looked pretty drunk. I tried to start a conversation with them but things got awkward fast because it was too loud to hear anything. Her friend also kept whispering things in her ear while I was talking. After a moment they said goodbye and just left.

On most nights I'll grab a drink and find a place to stand around awkwardly without saying a word to anyone. On a good night I might exchange a few words with a stranger, which is pretty much all you can do over the loud music and people anyway.

Even if it goes nowhere, I don't care. It would just be nice to be with other people. Standing around like a wallflower doesn't really do it for me. I can get drunk and play videogames at home by myself for less effort and to greater effect.

I know it can be done, but I just don't understand what I'm supposed to do in a place like this.

Voting Results
78% Normal
Based on 139 votes (109 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • hopefulregret
    11 years ago

    Have you considered seeing if there are other things to do in your area, aside from the bar scene? If you're into art, for example, maybe find a gallery opening. Things like that.

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    • myboyfriendsbitch
      11 years ago

      Agreed. Gallery openings usually serve wine. And, while you're wandering around alone, you can be looking at art, sipping your wine (sometimes they have a whole bar) and you won't look like a weirdo. Then, if you notice someone you'd like to talk to you can make comments on the painting or sculpture they're staring at and you will be able to hear one another just fine. Start off with just talking about your first impression of the work of art. You don't have to be super knowledgeable because artists usually aim at the general public to understand their work. They usually want to evoke a feeling, and everyone has feelings to talk about.

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  • disthing
    11 years ago

    Bars are NOT the best place for meeting new people on your own. They are fun to go to with people you've already met, but flying solo is often a recipe for failure (unless you're exceptionally attractive and charismatic, which most of us aren't).

    I recommend meeting people in a social environment with as few obstacles as possible; no loud music, alcohol or sexual expectation. Find some hobby or club which involves interacting with lots of other people (theatre, music, film club, book club etc.) and use that as an excuse to connect with new people and potentially lovely available ladies.

    There's also always internet friend and date sites - you can find someone in your locality and get to know them before you meet, safe in the knowledge that they are as single and keen to find someone as you are :)

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Well then why do other guys seem to have stories about the "crazy night out" where they wake up the next morning with a strange woman in their bed? Is that all just a myth?

      Not that this is what I'm after, but the fact that going out I seem to feel just as lonely as staying in, I get the impression that I'm doing something wrong.

      I also do do all those other things, the social groups, clubs, meetings, events, internet dating, etc, but it would be nice to have a fall back plan for when I'm lonely and those things aren't available.

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      • disthing
        11 years ago

        Yeah there are guys who go out to clubs with friends and pick up girls and end up in bed with them the next day. One night stands are usually just sex, with very little prospect of ever developing into any form of relationship. But these guys go with friends, they have a social group to support them. As I said in my initial post, going on your own is usually a recipe for failure.

        Go with a group (preferably of people who are outgoing and reasonably confident). If you don't have a group, try and use the social groups, clubs, meetings, events etc. to form one.

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  • keef
    11 years ago

    Seems like the bar scene isn't for you! But that's fine. Try going to other social places and talking to people.

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  • MeOhMyra
    10 years ago

    Just don't go to bars. If you end up being lonely every time you go to a bar, don't keep going there. I agree with the art gallery thing (just make sure they aren't snobs) or a library or somewhere odd.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Thanks, I haven't really tried going since I wrote this a few months ago. But basically it seems to be the place where everyone is, so for a long time I figured it was a given that that's what I was supposed to be doing.

      Now I just don't know.

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  • teasexoxo
    11 years ago

    I agree with chem girl we really do make the best wingmen I set my guy friend with two girls in one night haha btw I met one in the bathroom

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  • ChemGirl
    11 years ago

    Where do you live? I'll be your wingman!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Wait, you're a guy?

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      • ChemGirl
        11 years ago

        NO!!! Girls make the best wingmen ever. They can distract your "target"s friends with silly girl talk.

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  • Shackleford96
    11 years ago

    This is probably what I'd feel like at a bar if I went alone. Maybe you could go with a friend or acquaintance from work?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I don't really have a lot of single friends or people who like to go out like this. And when I do go out with other people (which isn't very often) we usually just end up sticking together so it doesn't really help for meeting other people.

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      • Millie_the_evil_saint
        11 years ago

        You aren't gonna meet any great people in a bar. That's usually not known as a good place to look for girls. It's perfectly fine, and probably even better to meet people outside of the bar scene, and then go out to bars with them.

        Are you so sure none of your acquantances like to go out like this? How about the girl from work you met there? There could be other people you know who like to go out like this. Just ask them some time.

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