Is it normal that i can't handle reality and pretend to be a fantasy character?

20 Comments

I literally can't handle reality. Every time I go outside, if I don't pretend to be someone else (a character, someone from a book/video game/movie), I can't handle myself and I get completely anxious.

My mom and dad always wanted me to be normal. Mom would act like I was helpless and Dad would get nasty and weird, but occasionally I could handle reality. Sometimes it was fun.

But when I was 16, my dad sexually abused me. I told my mom, my sisters, and my friends, and none of my family believed me. My friends drew closer to me and protected me. My mom said that if I had taken it to court, she would've committed suicide. And the only reason I recanted was because my dad said me, my mom and sisters would all be out on the street, hooking to survive.

I didn't want it to happen, so I protected my family. The bad part is, now, every time I look at reality and try to be normal, I see my father's creepy roving eyes everywhere. And now, it's barely a minute before I lapse into another character identity. I'm aware of it, I can change it, but I don't want to...I get so freaked out. Sometimes if I act normal and see other people looking at me like that, I go into rages and scream at them. Obscenities, middle fingers, just...I get creeped out. But I also get violent if I'm forced to stay in the real world.

This is one of my biggest secrets...I haven't even told my therapist. I see her about the abuse, and she always asks, "How are you today?" I tell her I'm fine. If she found out I can't survive without pretending I'm someone else, she'd have me committed. ú__ù

Normal? Yeah, everyone does it. 12
Not really normal, but it looks like you have a good reason to do it. 18
Uh, maybe you should learn to handle reality. Like, now. 12
Are you mentally ill? o_o 7
There's not really a right or wrong answer. 9
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Comments ( 20 )
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    You want to know how to beat anxious feelings. Just pretend everyone you don't know is an object.

    If you think of everyone infront of you as a piece of furniture it's hard to worry.

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    • naturallyweird
      11 years ago

      That's an interesting concept. I'll try it :3

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    She wouldn't have you committed. This is what she's there for silly. ^^ You need to tell your therapist.

    Sometimes I get obsessive over a book or video game, w/e, and I start acting like the main character. I don't do it on purpose, it just happens. I suppose because I'm so into it it seeps into my real life. Haha!

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    • naturallyweird
      11 years ago

      I feel happier reading this comment. :) Just pulling away into normality to post the question kind of drew me to one spot, you know...like I could be myself for a while. And this made me feel even better.

      So, I guess I'll tell my therapist and see what she thinks. But she might send me to a psychiatrist for meds.... I tried a month of Prozac in high school once (my mom's idea) and ended up hurting myself.

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        You can refuse if she does, but it seems like a behavioral problem you don't need meds for. Like you said you can change it but you don't want to, there's the difference. It sounds similar to maladaptive daydreaming. It's really interesting actually. I do something similar with daydreaming where if anything or anyone bugs me I go into a rage. If I'm forced to stop or not finish the story going on in my head I get really pissed off, stressed out and sad. It has always been the one consistent way for me to cope with my problems since childhood.

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        • naturallyweird
          11 years ago

          Thanks. You help a lot. :)

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  • q25t
    11 years ago

    Yeah, that would probably be the one thing to tell your therapist.

    I think you have some issues that you need to work out but I don't think they're your fault in the slightest.

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    • naturallyweird
      11 years ago

      I'm scheduling an appointment soon; she's busy this week, but then, she has a lot of patients. And I'm just glad my issues aren't worse...like that Elizabeth Smart girl.

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  • askcherie
    11 years ago

    Your mom has been very selfish in making you stay quiet, this is her problem not being able to deal with it not yours. You dont have to have her reaction and you need to have some justice and mostly, acknowledgement of the truth to really heal this.

    You must tell your therapist and tell the police or you will never want to be yourself. The only way to get out of this fantasy is to face up to reality. I know its hard, in more ways than you know. But you have to be strong or else this will never end, you are a victim of your parents both in your mothers neglect and your fathers fear-mongering. Escape this.. what is the worst that could happen? Has the worst not happened already?

    The things you went through are sick and wrong and your parents know it or they wouldnt be using fear to control you now. They are scared... and you could now be the one in control. Take action, every one of their actions has a consequence. They decided your after and how you feel now, you must now decide theirs. Trust me, it will heal you when you get the acknowledgment you need.

    Free yourself .... I know its scary but you can do it. nothing bad will happen I promise, all the bullshit you've been told is just to prevent the truth getting out. It was their responsibility to look after and protect you, they chose not to do that for whatever reason and now its time to choose to look after your self and your future and realise that this is not your fault, merely a consequence that they now must face to remove their own karma for what they've done. Bringing light to this will heal it and in a weird way, it will heal your parents... because even if you dont want to hurt them, their guilt will manifest into an illness later in life (as it tends to do when its allowed to grow in the dark). Good luck xxx Be brave, make the call.

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    • naturallyweird
      11 years ago

      I've tried...multiple times. I called the cops to investigate whether my sisters were being molested, and my mom screamed her way over to my house and berated me for two hours. Didn't talk to me for a year. Every time I tried to call, she hung up as soon as she heard my voice.

      Turns out, she was molested by her grandfather at 3 years old. She remembered it, but never told her grandmother. Apparently staying silent was what she thought I should do. She even had the nerve to say, "It was JUST an age perversion. Grow up." Excuse me? My dad's babymaker is not what I wanted for my 16th birthday.

      ...And who thinks a father asking his 15-year-old daughter to show him her "boobies" is a JOKE? My mom was a victim who never recovered. She's in denial. I'm a LOT better off than she is right now.

      Honestly, wanting to commit suicide over her daughter's accusations rather than her husband's actions is a farce. How did she even live long enough to breed? o_o

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      • NeuroNeptunian
        11 years ago

        Sexual abuse tends to run in families.

        I really wish you would tell your therapist about this and I really, really hope that you have left this place and that you are able to check up on your sister. I can understand the feeling of having to leave your sister at home because she is too young to leave.

        Once your sister is out of the house and you are out of the house, it will be easier to heal and move on. My Aunt was molested by her step-father and my Grandmother ignored it, swept it under the rug and did nothing. My aunt never got the help that she needed, so I am glad that you have taken such a big step in the right direction. Don't fall into the trap of belittling your role as a victim by saying things like "someone else had it worse", everyone else handles things differently.

        Tell your therapist this and I can assure you that it will be easier to heal once you can permanently close the door on your parents. Your Mom has resigned to the life of a victim and your Dad, the life of a victimizer, but once you can leave it all behind and not have to worry about your sister, it will help your psyche out quite a bit.

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        • naturallyweird
          11 years ago

          My sisters and I are all grown up now. My youngest sister is 22, my middle sister is 24, and I'm 27. We're all out of the house, and for now, the sister (22) who has kids lives in ND.

          My therapist knows about the abuse. I *see* her for it. She also knows about all the steps I took, including calling the cops. The only thing I'm concerned about telling her is my coping mechanism mentioned above...it's the only thing that's becoming a problem right now. Because of it, I can't work. I can't concentrate. I'm living with a friend, but it won't last much longer if I don't get a job.

          She suggested I might have an anxiety disorder. Maybe if I saw a psychiatrist about it, he'd recommend I go on disability. At least, my friends seem to think so :/ But my pride just makes me feel "eeh" when they suggest it.

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          • NeuroNeptunian
            11 years ago

            You should discard that pride before you find yourself is a much more difficult financial spot. It's not all about your comfort with yourself, obviously your pride didn't stop your mental illness from ruining your life. You are really going to have to see your therapist for this because this degree of suffering should be unacceptable for you.

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            • naturallyweird
              11 years ago

              Thanks...you bring up a lot of good points. :)

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          • Avant-Garde
            10 years ago

            Judging from my experience, a psychiatrist would not help at all. Then again, my psychiatrist was a psycho who was completely unaware, I hope and I assume, that I was being abused. A psychiatrist only focuses on giving people pills while a therapist actually focuses on treating the whole person.

            If your therapist is anything like mine, she'll be understanding and professional about this manner. She knows that I disassociated and I have a fantasy world, the latter which she thinks is a good thing, but she hasn't demonized me about anything. Don't be afraid.

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  • yesnomaybeso
    11 years ago

    Aww I'm so sorry about this! You do not deserve this and you deserve to be able to live real life, so I'd say you have to tell her :) She will only help you!!

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    • naturallyweird
      11 years ago

      Thanks :) Although, there's really not much anyone could do with meds, I don't think...right? It's a semiconscious function that keeps me even :/

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      • yesnomaybeso
        11 years ago

        Uhm, well, maybe she's gonna try and talk to you and tell you stuff that will make you able to think about real life in a different way that you do now. I'm not sure, i'm not a psychologist, but maybe you don't need meds and just a little bit of help to feel better :)

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  • asuran
    11 years ago

    if i didnt pretend to be other people real or fake then i would have a mental break down from life.

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  • Avant-Garde
    10 years ago

    Disassociation is a common reaction to being abused. I am not surprised at all. You would benefit from seeing a therapist who specializes in abuse. You could tell her all about this.

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