Is it normal that i can never get an erection the first time?

7 Comments

Pretty straightforward, everytime I go to have sex with someone the first time, I either cannot maintain or simply cannot get an erection. The only time I can recall not having it happen was my very first time, which seems contradictory if it is just nerves.

With the woman im with now, we were friends for a long time, and I even explained what would inevitably happen hoping maybe it would lessen the stress of it. She was fine with it and after an evening of drinks we retired to my house where we decided to just go for it. Bada bing bada boom, flaccid. Again she was okay with it and we simply talked and went to bed. However, a mere 8 hours later im awoken to her kissing my neck and stroking me. We tried again, and everything went without a hitch, and has been that way for the last 2 years.

In the past, ive had my friends with benefits, a few one night stand, even a few girlfriends whom I really wasnt invested in. And it almost never fails. The very first attempt is a no go. After a drink, maybe talking, or just getting angry with myself and saying fuck it, im gonna make it happen, I 'usually' have no problem. I will note though that on more than one occaision I simply couldnt and had to give up.

Im in my twenties, and have had this problem since always(about 16 or so). I guess my biggest concern is if its a problem now, will it worsen over time? Or is this a common thing and I should just accept it as what happens?

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  • CountessDouche
    9 years ago | pl

    Obviously you're capable of maintaining an erection during masturbation and intercourse (sometimes), so it would seem that this is an emotional/mental issue. Perhaps the fact that you ARE convinced it's going to happen is exactly what makes it happen. It's a self-fulfilling boner prophesy.

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    • oh_hambone
      9 years ago | pl

      Thats what ive been toying with. Under normal circumstances, I have no issues at all. In the two years ive been with the same woman, the only times ive ever had a problem was the very first time and if I was exceptionally drunk(whiskey dick) which happens few and far between.

      If its all in my head, what should I do about it? I was on xanax and other anxiety medications til I was about 21 and even with medicine I had this problem. Generally, my anxieties seem much better and I decided to stop taking them. But damnit if my boner doesnt seem to have anxieties of its own lol

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      • CountessDouche
        9 years ago | pl

        Hmmm, that's a tough one! I really do think this is only happening because you're absolutely certain that it's going to happen- and the fact that it does just reinforces your propensity to have that thought in the first place. You're caught in a bit of a catch 22 there...the question is, how do you clear your mind like a fucking Jedi without getting hammered, which obviously won't help with this particular problem...

        I'd say, either bang someone who you are super comfortable with to the point where it is second nature and you have no self doubts...or maybe practice on people who you genuinely care so little about that it doesn't matter if you can't pop one (cruel, I know). Honestly, I think once you can do it for the first time, the fear will no longer bog you down.

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        • oh_hambone
          9 years ago | pl

          Well from where I stand now, it isnt a real problem. Like I said, ive been with the same woman for 2 years and have no plans of seperating or cheating (though I likely couldnt if I tried). I guess im just looking for reassurance that its in my head and not an actual physical problem or something I can have fixed. Im assuming from your name, youre female. Has anyone youve been with had an issue getting it up or maintaining?

          And as far as having a drink goes, it usually helps get me in the mood, but for first times it doesnt really help, or at least not that ive noticed. Getting drunk has adverse effects I guess, I usually dont care to have sex and if I do, I might need some stimulation prior, but generally everything goes smoothly. Its a very few times that ive been so drunk I couldnt get it up, and that doesnt really bother me since ive heard of countless people who have that problem. And I dont make a habit of getting that drunk.

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          • CountessDouche
            9 years ago | pl

            It sounds like you have nothing to worry about. You've found a woman who wants to be with you despite first time jitters, as most reasonable women would. If this is not a recurring problem after the first time, then it is 100% with out a doubt a mental issue and not a physical one.

            Yes I am I woman, and I have experienced this happening with my partners. I haven't been with a whole lot of men, but this has happened to me, not once, but twice- both times, it was the very first time we were having sex. Any woman can understand first time nerves; we get them too, lucky for us, it doesn't manifest itself physically! It's a good thing that you care about your sexual performance with regard to your partner's pleasure, but don't make it anything more than that- being too in your head is what's deflating your other head.

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  • Lonely2
    8 years ago | pl

    There can be slight anxiety which can interfere with an erection...thats why you have them suck on it until you relax

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  • Tommythecat.
    9 years ago | pl

    Just go to the doctor, that's what they're there for.

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