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I am married to a wonderful man. I love my husband dearly and I couldn't imagine life without him. But I find myself thinking about my exes and flings. I think about the sex and What would or could have been. I have even daydreamed about if I would have married someone else and picturing our wedding!! I would never cheat on my husband. What's wrong with me???
Those feelings are perfectly natural. A marriage can be a life-long thing and for that reason setting unreasonable and *unnatural* expectations leads to trouble. Give yourself the freedom of knowing that those feelings are normal and that should you choose to act on them, with or without the concent of your husband, you're acting within the realm of normalcy. You'd be missing out on exciting moments of life if you weren't open to making those thoughts a reality in the remainder of your married life. That's my opinion. I tend to have different opinions.
First of all there is nothing wrong with fantasies, as long as thats all they are. It sounds to me that it may be more than that. You need to take some initiative in your sex life, create some excitement. Get away together. You are obviously a little bored with your sex life, don't wait for him to do something about it, you do it. Both of you will appreciate it.
The question to ask, is are you satisfied with you sex life? Dwelling thoughts about past sexual relationships and considering the possibilities of 'what if' may be an unconscious drive for wanting that thrill you once had. Try and maybe spice up your ses life a little, try new things. Mybe role play the day you first met, or talk about it just so you can feel like amazing spark you once had when you met your husband.
I have been with my second bf for nearly 2 years now, andi guess I do sometimes think about what ,u first ex bf (I.e. Love)is doing and If he is alright and happy. But I do not think about our sexual relations though, and to me its because I'm very satisfied with my sex life with m bf now. I'm not saying the case with me might be the same with yours, but it may be a possibility.
To the author - I worry that if I get married, I'll feel like this. I think it's a normal thing in a society where we feel like we have limitless options. You always feel like you could do better so you're dissatisfied with what you have. I think it's normal and it's fantasy.
My first girlfriend sent me a friend request on Facebook last week. Completely out of the blue. But then she got cold feet and deleted it. We emailed about it and she said her new husband had said she shouldn't do this. I didn't see the problem but also didn't want to be the cause of a problem for her so agreed we shouldn't continue the conversation or be Facebook friends, even though I'd love to have known how she's doing.
I like that she still thinks about me occasionally. At least I meant something to her.