This crazy ass needs a hysteric story line to shock emos into a mesmerizing trance. Convincing people to buy wishful thinking goes hand in hand with good sales; ask any televangelist.
Buttercream. I had a hamster named Buttercream once. I love hamsters because they're much easier to adopt than cats and dogs. There's basically no paperwork. So you can buy a new one every week.
I had a albino dwarf hammie named Snowball once. She was pretty evil. Always bit me when I was cleaning her home or giving her more food/water no matter how gentle I was. XD