Is it normal older single people are harder for me to trust?

For some reason when I meet a person that's older (50+) and doesn't have any significant other I think to myself subconsciously something is perhaps off about them. I can't help but ponder why they cant find the right one. Are they hard to get along with? If they're married atleast I know someone in the universe can stand them enough to be with them.

Voting Results
35% Normal
Based on 17 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 31 )
  • mauzi

    pretty common for judgmental people to get uncomfortable when their standards aren't reflected by others. There are plenty of reasons like their S/O could have died, don't know why you'd assume they're untrustworthy but whatever you gotta do.

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    • I reckon its from previous experiences with people who have been divorced. My boss has been divorced like 5 times and I now see why. My coworker Nick cant stay with one girl even tho 'his' girl is pregnant he wants to leave her. My coworker Christian was divorced, seemed great, then I realized he doesn't compromise at all, you have to do exactly what he wants or he starts being petty. Then theres Pat at work who is a narcissist and left his wife and kids because "it was too much".

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      • RoseIsabella

        I'm a two time divorcée who is enjoying being single for now, and I honestly think you're spot on about the people you have mentioned. No offense to any of them, but they all sound kinda fucked up.

        Of course there are also people who have had the misfortune of encountering the individuals of whom you speak, and the many others like them wandering about the Earth looking for new narcissistic supply. There are plenty of people who choose to remain uncoupled, because they prefer to be alone. There are also others who have had more than their share of bad experiences, and prefer to remain single, because they feel safer, and more secure living a decidedly more solitary sort of life.

        I rather think that you should be aware more so of the signs of a person being a narcissist than concerned about whether, or not a person is single. Of course I might be a little biased in saying that as I am a single person myself. However, I feel quite confident in saying that my now ex-boyfriend is a narcissist, and that I'm a now a victim/survivor of narcissistic abuse.

        Would you say it's safe to assume that all the people you spoke of are narcissists? I'm curious.

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        • McBean

          I'm curious. Being a widower over 50, I run in to the same prejudices that the OP speaks of. Would you be kind, and share your general impression of older guys other than me, who's wives have passed away? I would sincerely appreciate knowing the image that widowers project.

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          • RoseIsabella

            You know I honestly don't know, because I think you are probably the only widower I know right now.

            The only other widower that I really recall was my maternal grandfather. My maternal grandfather was a widower for a large portion of his life, maybe 35, or 40 years. My maternal grandmother died of cancer when I was maybe five, or six years old. My grandfather immigrated to the United States when I was about 11, or 12 years old. I remember he had a little part-time job for a while. What he really loved was spending time in his garden, going to church, and spending time with family. My grandfather was a very traditional, and old school kinda guy. My grandfather had a farm in Colombia, and my grandparents had ten children.

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            • McBean

              Your description has some love in it. I hope that someday, my granddaughters have memories of me that are as nice as that.

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      • mauzi

        that makes sense, im sure some people are alone because of things like that but personally i wouldnt assume that being single says anything about them other than they're bad with relationships. but im not much a people person anyway so I wouldnt really care. the last one sounds shitty though. then again, you never know the full story, maybe his wife was just as bad?

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        • No one could be as bad as Pat. He's the worst person I've ever met. Last week he caught his coworker sleeping and took a picture of him and sent it to everyone. He demanded he be fired for sleeping. Then I caught him recording my times. Like when I come in he writes in a notepad and does the same when I leave. That guy is a trip.

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  • Cuntsiclestick

    So a married kleptomaniac would be easier to trust than an older, honest, single, hardworking person?

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    • Well at first perhaps before I got to know them. Its not so much as them being single that makes me judge but morelike I judge someone thats married and give them more of a benefit of doubt. Now that I write it down the logic doesn't sound good but I think this subconsciously.

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  • SmokeEverything

    Maybe they get laid too much to commit to one person

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    • This is not always a good thing.

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      • SmokeEverything

        Why not? Marriage and children are a waste of time.

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        • RoseIsabella

          ... in your opinion.

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    • RoseIsabella

      That sounds more like a sex addict than anything else.

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      • SmokeEverything

        Not really, they just might have mutliple casual sex partners.

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        • RoseIsabella

          I don't think it's healthy to have multiple sex partners.

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          • SmokeEverything

            I do

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            • RoseIsabella

              I hope you use protection.

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  • Indigo1

    The truth Is that not everyone who is single wants to be in a relationship because in truth relationships take a lot of time, effort, and often money to sustain when a lot of people much prefer to invest those things in themselves or their own dreams and passions.

    I've been with a fair handful of woman over the years, two of which I'm positive i could of married ( one I know for certain, the other very likely) It's simply just not what i desire though, so Just some old dude being single doesn't mean "no one ever wanted to marry him" sometimes their were heaps of woman in someones past that were trying to settle someone down but they just didn't want to be settled down. and then when old age hits the world doesn't see their once attractive self and they just assume that no one ever wanted them.

    and lastly some people just like to be alone, I can attest to this. Although i love being social and am quite good at making friends with strangers, i only have so much energy for it. So in relationships I've been in in the past...no matter how great the woman usually go insane at any point they want to spend everyday with me. this is because having anyone around whether it be a friend or a lover is a new gravitational pul full of compromising and consideration. and while I'm good at those things, Im so independent in my nature and have such a strong will to do the things i love ( travel, music, photography) that having someone always around with their own version of this Is mind numbingly difficult and not worthwhile IMO.

    could i find someone that i could work with? absolutely. but Ive set my standards high because im not willing to sacrifice my dreams and passions for someone else. unlike a lot of people.

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  • Indigo1

    Ya , there are stigma's that go along with being single. it's unfortunate because not everyones dream is to be married with two kids living in a house in suburbia. Even if it is a popular dream in one way or another, it's not for everyone. I rather be down in the amazon rainforest one part of the year and be over in Scandinavia or Asia in another part of the year whenever i choose.

    My love for the earth, traveling , and creating music, far out weighs my desire for a super long term relationship. i could easily see myself being a single person in my old age like my father because I rather invest my money and time into my passions like travel,photography, and music. all while having loving chapters of my life spent with different partners over the years.

    I don't see myself spending my life with one person, but rather spending my life with many amazingly wonderful people in loving but temporary chapters. That could obviously change in a heart beat upon meeting the right person but I don't see it necessary nor do i mind if i don't because my true loves are my passions. Im much more satisfied with putting my money to work towards going to places all around the globe then putting it to work toward fulfilling someone else's dream, very common ones being, buying a house and being tied down, having kids and being tied down, having a husband that will support me financially, ect ..

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  • SkullsNRoses

    “Someone in the universe can stand them enough to be with them” don’t old married couples have a bad reputation for NOT getting on with eachother?

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    • Maybe the ones you've met. The ones I've known in my life get along with eachother well.

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      • Indigo1

        we don't see behind closed doors, no couple usually puts their disagreements on the public stage

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      • SkullsNRoses

        Haven’t you heard the expression “they fight like an old married couple”?

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        • Just because it's an old expression doesn't mean it's accurate. Have you ever heard the expression of "Being cheap like a Jew"? If you've ever met some Jews you'll see that they aren't very cheap. They live in luxury 🤣

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  • palehorse

    Maybe they're not looking for the right one. Not everyone wants to get married.

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    • This is true. I guess in my situation I'm bias because I was never looking for the right one either but I still found her.

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      • RoseIsabella

        Then consider yourself blessed.

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  • Doesnormalmatter

    Seems intuitive.

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