Is it normal my wife molests me while i sleep

My wife of almost 10 years takes sleeping pills and has for about six months now. We have had problems in the past and were separated for almost a year. We have recently gotten back together with her moving back into our marital home.

We are doing counselling together(marriage) and I am a member of SAA as well have sought help through Mental Health however have not received a response yet.

The reason for my counseling is due to sexual thoughts, I quite often (6 nights a week) have a hard time going to sleep due to overwhelming thoughts of intercourse or sexual acts with my wife.

The most overwhelming thought I have is the want to fall asleep inside of my wife, not to make love or have sex with her, simply to penetrate her, and fall asleep inside her and close to her, she is not okay with this, we have discussed this and she has beaten it into my head that she is not open to this at all, so that is now off the table; though the longing and urge still exists.

Within the past two months(since she moved back in) we have a huge problem, within the first 3 hours after having gone to bed she will fall asleep and start to molest me. She and I typically spoon when we fall asleep, and I get an irrection.
She will start by moving her pelvis with her breathing up and down on me, and will go to the extent 2 - 3 times a week of grabbing me and putting my head on her opening(clothed)

I have asked her to simply sleep without pants, however she indicates to me consistently that she does not want to have sex or have me in here while she sleeps; despite this behavior continuing.

I will try to take her pants off during this time however have never attempted to "force entry", I let her control and move on her own.

The problem however comes later in the sleep cycle, after this episode and typically very early in the morning(4am) I wake up sometimes with my hands in her pants, or trying to penetrate her.

This wakes her up and makes her quite understandably upset as we have talked about this and both concur this is not okay.

The most recent situation was last night, she awoke at 4AM to me with my finger in her bum while masturbating, got up and left to sleep on the couch.

Last evening was one of the ones that she grabbed me and grinded on me for some time before falling asleep.

I knew that there was a problem when she was not next to me this morning, and called her on my drive to work to discover that this is how she was awoken.

Our sex life is quite aweful, and has been for as far back as I can remember, I work quite hard at satisfying my wife and would love to do it daily if not more. But at present I am not allowed to go down on her, and she really only acts on sex when she is overwhelmed by the desire. My actions such as kissing, fondling, kind words, acts of kindness get no response from her at all.

I can understand how this is a negative impact on our relationship and particularly our sex life, I love and want to respect my wife, as such we have decided to sleep in separate rooms so that this behavior does not reoccur.

My question is, Is it normal that I want to fall asleep inside my wife?