Is it normal my boss thinks it's ok to put his hand up my skirt and groap me

I work for a small private manufacturing company in the UK as an administrator to the general manager. He is in his mid 50's and has been with the company about 30 years, he started as a machine operator in the factory and worked his way up. He was promoted to his current job when his predecessor retired at Christmas. It is a privately owned company employing about 50 people, above him there is only the managing director, who is also the join owner, along with one other silent partner. One afternoon about 3 weeks ago I was in his office, he was sat at his desk, I was standing next to him a couple of feet away looking for a paper file in a filling cabinet. He lent over, stuck his hand up my skirt and groaped my bum. I screamed out as a reaction and turned round to face him. I almost slapped him across the face but stopped myself, although looking back I'm not sure why I didn't. He looked quite shocked himself, he started babbling apologies at me, telling me he did not know why he did that and didn't know what had come over him. I was in a bit of shock myself and told him I needed to go home. Next morning I went back to work, I felt really nervous but when I went in he carried on as if nothing had happened, he even asked me in front of the lady who works in reception, if I was feeling better. I just said, 'yes thank you' and walked off to my office. Latter that day I found out he had told everyone I had gone early because I had a bad headache. A few days later I was at the photocopier, there was no one else around and he came up behind me, put his arm round me and groaped my boob. I pushed him off me and complained loudly, but he just walked away. I went to his office and confronted him, he just laughed and told me I loved it. I told him if he touched me again I would report him to the MD. He laughed again and asked what proof I have. He told me it would all be fine and it would be our secret. Since then he has groaped me several times and even asked me to wear shorter skirts with higher heels as he likes long legs. I loved my job when my old boss was there, but these last few weeks have been horrible. I phoned in sick today because I couldn't face going in and seeing him. I know what he is doing is illegal, but I have no proof as he is clever about picking his moments. Should I just carry on and put up with it? I can't just leave, I need the job and the money is good, but I can't carry on with things as they are.

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26% Normal
Based on 38 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 66 )
  • Pumpurrnickel

    You still should've reported him. As for proof, all I can suggest is recording him. But that would still be difficult to set it up in the right place at the right time.

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  • Tealights

    Start looking for another job.

    From the start you should have reported him, proof or not, and then informed some of the co-workers. Even if they didn't believe you, at least rumors will start. Along with that, ask a trusted female co-worker if it's okay that you help her out with work so you don't be alone and just stay by her side most of the day to limit your boss' opportunities.

    It's hard to candy-coat this, but you need to find another job. Until you do, just talk to other co-workers (preferably females) about it, they can't feel help you, but again the word is spread around, so when you do find another job and quit, the rumors will continue until he gropes another girl and all hell breaks loose for him.

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    • Alichael

      I agree. If he's grabbing her without her ok, he's going to get in a lot of trouble. She needs to file an official complaint on him, what he's doing is not ok, unless she made a move on him first and told him it was ok, but that doesn't look like it's the case here.

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  • BlueAlice

    It shouldn't be normal. Thank you for sharing this. I'm so sorry you've had such a bad thing happen. I'll add more when I've read through properly, but I don't know if you use social media at all?

    I only ask as there are several online groups where women can support each other in solidarity and fight back against what this chauvinistic pig is doing. Everyday Sexism is a site where you can share stories anonymously.

    I believe you!

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  • Whatintarnation

    Set your cell phone up whenever possible and catch him the act recorded. You can also use apps to record conversations. Just push a button when he walks in the room. Have proof and you can fry him.

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  • I wish it was all that easy, but I'm 50 jobs, are not easy to come by at my age. Most admin jobs are minimum wage (£7.50 per hour) or just over, I earn £10.60 per hour so if I change jobs, that's if I can even find another one, it is likely to cause me some financial hardship. I do have some female co-workers but they are all younger than me, with most of them being 35 or under. They are all pleasant enough to pass the time of day with, at lunch time etc but I am not really close friends with any of them because of the age gap. Also because of my position, administrator to the general manager, it is not possible to just go and work alongside other admin workers. I am in an office on my own, which you have to walk through to get to my bosses office. The MD also has his own PA but he is a man. We are all on the first floor, the other office staff are all in the general office downstairs on the ground floor. So I am the only woman in my area.

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    • lordofopinions

      SCREAM REALLY LOUDLY the next time he does it to attract as much attention as you can. I would not be surprised if he is doing this to other women at work.

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    • Tealights

      Administrator to the general manager, wow that would be excellent on a resume, yet... with those credentials you can't find another decently paying job because you're 50? You can't even do a simple online search at home after work? Is everything really that hopeless at 50, that you need to deal with getting groped at work?

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      • You're right I need to look for something else. I made a decision today to report him, it didn't go well. Lots of grunting about these being serious allegations about a senior member of staff and needing some evidence to back up what I was saying. The way it came across was, that I was trying to cause trouble. It seems like a case of all the boys will stick together on this one. I was made to feel like I was guilty of something, not the victim. It was almost like having someone stick their hand up my skirt should be expected. I thought the world had moved on from that type of behaviour in the workplace, but clearly I have been deluding myself. Thank you for all your comments, they have been a big help.

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    • redrainbow22

      Do you like being groped?

      It sounds like your making excuses not to find another job.

      Who cares about the pay rate, is your body worth the price? Come on now.

      Try to expose this bastard any way you can. This might solve the issue so you can stay.

      And dont go with him alone. If he ask you, you can refuse and say to everybody around you that he'll just grope you if you do.

      You have to expose him. Don't allow it to continue.

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      • charli.m

        Victim blaming. You're a cunt.

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        • redrainbow22

          I'm saying the victim has the power to change this.

          Thats what I'm saying.

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          • fuckmmmmmm

            Your post was pretty clear to the rest of us. Some people are a little slow.

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            • redrainbow22

              Like you

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      • Jeni18

        She should let her boss do what he wants to her. I do.

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        • redrainbow22

          Ok your retarded.

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          • Arrissot

            She is a bit of a promiscuous women, leave Jeni be lol

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            • redrainbow22

              Your probably the same person

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            • redrainbow22

              If pervert is what you meant, then I agree with you.

              And thats not good.

              You can try to downplay or use euphemisms all you want.

              Slut. Whore. Skank. Hoe. Hooker.

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          • Dumbteengirl

            I agree with Jeni. I like getting groped.

            I like riding public transportation just for that reason. It's thrilling to have strange guys touch you without asking.

            She should just enjoy. At 50 it won't happen much longer.

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        • lordofopinions

          You let your boss do what he wants with you? Then you're really stupid or you like it.

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  • Sounds like a good time to ask for a bonus! Pay to play!

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  • Mehereok1

    Report him and don't tolerate any more. I used to work, contractually, with a company and on the road with a petite, cute, hot woman. Very pretty and we became close friends. We'd go into the office for meetings about once per week, and, since we were involved in property inspections, she's sometimes dress comfy and wear jeans.

    More than once, both the company owner guy, who was a younger, obnoxious individual, and his partner, a slender, too-cool, also kind of obnoxious guy who'd asked her out a million times, would smack her ass, either in the meeting room, or on the way in, issuing her a little grope. She tolerated it and laughed it off, but I knew it bothered her.

    One day, though, we went in for the stupid meeting, she had on jeans, and, as we were waiting, she was leaning on a chair. Both of these guys came into the room, and, in a line, slapped her well-presented ass, hard, several times and nearly sending her to the table. Again, she laughed it off, but in my car afterwards, let loose on a sexual harassment suit against them both, since it happened so often. I supported her fully, but also thought..You let this happen all the time, and they'll say it's just joking around and you never said you didn't like it.

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  • curious-bunny

    Just taz him in the nuts next time he does it

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    • curious-bunny

      Or slash his tires or something every time he does it I don't know. Pay some kids to throw rocks at his windows

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  • S12207

    I would have cold clocked him already, but not suggesting that.

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  • Avant-Garde

    Didn't read the whole thing. Two things come to mind with the first groping. 1. He's probably been doing this for a long time and no one had yet reacted the way you do. I've been told this work behavior used to be the norm/still is with the older male generation. 2. He feared getting slammed with a case. Hence the profuse apologetic doubling down, which of course wasn't sincere.

    I don't think you should be so quick to leave and find a new job. Nor do I think you should stay and suffer through this. You need to stand your ground. If he had tried that shit with me, he would know better than to do it again with me or try with someone else.

    Went back up and skimed some more. He's too persistent. If reporting him does nothing, I would suggest doing a freezer spell. Whether you believe or not, or have not dabbled, it doesn't matter. It will still work. You use it to freeze unwanted people out of your life. I've done it with neighbors who were threatening and harassing my mother. I know others who have done it too with success.

    http://www.luckymojo.com/freezer.html
    This one is pretty pretty in depth. The one I used involved a jar of honey.

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  • redrainbow22

    Why are you even still there?

    Why are you allowing this to continue?

    You started off with nothing and had to find a job. You can do it again.

    Screw that boss. Expose him in front of everybody. DO SOMETHING. DO NOT ALLOW IT TO CONTINUE. MAKE IT STOP ONE WAY OR ANOTHER

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  • Yennifer_Of_Vengerburg

    I guess not but if my boss was a woman I'd enjoy it

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  • Not sure blackmail is the answer, but will definitely look into the possibility of recording him. Thank you

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  • Handyman

    Make friends with his wife,that should have him worried.

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    • He's divorced, don't even want to ask why. As far as I know he lives on his own. He split with his wife about 4 years ago I think.

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      • Handyman

        That could be the reason, just tell him once, loudly, to stop groping you.

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  • globalPastryAlliance

    Paint red dots around your vagina so it looks like you have a nasty STD, then strip in front of him as if you are going to have sex with him.

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  • Nickvey

    buy one of those ink pens with a hidden camera and microphone. then download it to a computer, then make him pay you every week. on the other hand , you are 50, maybe you should be paying him.

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    • globalPastryAlliance

      She is not 50.

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      • Nickvey

        yes she has been working 30 years and she is 50 ""I wish it was all that easy, but I'm 50 jobs, are not easy to come by at my age"

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  • No! Report him! If he's bold enough to keep doing it he could get more and more aggressive. I don't want to scare you, but situations like this have led to women getting raped before. Put up some hidden cameras either on yourself or hiding around rooms (inconspicuous places like behind a plant or up on a high shelf or in a corner he doesn't normally go) or leave your phone recording audio in your pocket. To try avoid being in any area alone.

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  • Checkmate_King

    Sew some fish hooks in your panties. Reel him in.

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