My entire life I have felt like an outcast, but truth be told I was always popular in school. I put on this facade and pretended I was like everyone else. I dumbed myself down, I acted like I was interested in mundane things. At sleepovers I would talk about hot boys (even though I am demisexual), when what I really wanted to talk about were spiritual things, political things, intellectual things. I did not penalize my friends for thinking this way, as I know that this is the particular thinking pattern of a teenager. I still loved them, but I just constantly felt different. It was frustrating for me, to waste my days talking about silly things and have my friends brush off the things that were important to me. Every time I would bring up how I felt, or the things I liked, my friends would just tell me that I was trying too hard to be "different." So, I stopped. I compressed who I was and spent high school as a babbling idiot who talked about hot boys, who was fucking who and all the latest gossip. I was the embodiment of a popular teenage girl. I hated every second of it. Then, in 12th grade I met people that changed my life forever. It started with my now fiance. Him and I became best friends almost immediately after we met. Soon my nights were filled freedom and enjoying this boy's company. He introduced me to his friends and I felt so fulfilled. FINALLY people who made me feel worth something. These were people who embraced my interests and didn't make me feel alienated for being "different". We talked about everything -- what interested them, what interested me, gaming (which was a very big part of my life), cars (also a big part of my life), etc. My point is, some times you just have to hold out for certain people to walk into your life. I have had so many enlightening experiences with these people and I look forward to many more. They make me feel accepted and wanted and that's what every friend should make you feel like. Keep waiting for these people, they will find you!
IIN if I feel like I'm not on the same page as everyone else?
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My entire life I have felt like an outcast, but truth be told I was always popular in school. I put on this facade and pretended I was like everyone else. I dumbed myself down, I acted like I was interested in mundane things. At sleepovers I would talk about hot boys (even though I am demisexual), when what I really wanted to talk about were spiritual things, political things, intellectual things. I did not penalize my friends for thinking this way, as I know that this is the particular thinking pattern of a teenager. I still loved them, but I just constantly felt different. It was frustrating for me, to waste my days talking about silly things and have my friends brush off the things that were important to me. Every time I would bring up how I felt, or the things I liked, my friends would just tell me that I was trying too hard to be "different." So, I stopped. I compressed who I was and spent high school as a babbling idiot who talked about hot boys, who was fucking who and all the latest gossip. I was the embodiment of a popular teenage girl. I hated every second of it. Then, in 12th grade I met people that changed my life forever. It started with my now fiance. Him and I became best friends almost immediately after we met. Soon my nights were filled freedom and enjoying this boy's company. He introduced me to his friends and I felt so fulfilled. FINALLY people who made me feel worth something. These were people who embraced my interests and didn't make me feel alienated for being "different". We talked about everything -- what interested them, what interested me, gaming (which was a very big part of my life), cars (also a big part of my life), etc. My point is, some times you just have to hold out for certain people to walk into your life. I have had so many enlightening experiences with these people and I look forward to many more. They make me feel accepted and wanted and that's what every friend should make you feel like. Keep waiting for these people, they will find you!