Is it normal i'm sexually submissive to my cat?

So I actually have two cats. My first cat is a complete softie. I love him to death and he's the first and best cat I've ever had. He just eats and sleeps and he loves a good belly rub and cuddle time. He's 4 now. I adopted a second black cat from the shelter that's a female, and she's a complete bitch. Nobody would adopt her from the shelter because she hated interaction and would hiss at everybody. She isn't feral, just ones of those cats it takes a very specific person to like. I took her home only because I felt bad, and once I let her out of her cage she's been a complete nightmare since then. But I love it. I don't know what it is, but something about being in such a submissive position to a dominant cat gives me so much masochistic pleasure. Coming home to something knocked onto the floor or scratches all over the couch makes me shudder. I'll watch her hit my cat and he's so soft he'll just run away and hide, and then spend the rest of the day close to me and it just gives me so much pleasure to know me and my cat both are living under a much more powerful force. When she swats at my leg from the table she's hiding under, the pain and blood just excites me so much for some reason. I'll try to pet her and she'll scratch my hands and arms bloody. She'll put puncture holes in my hands from her bites too. Just looking at all my scratches and scars excites me so much and I don't know why. She'll scream at me to feed her and if I don't she'll attack me usually to blood, and normally I'm not masochistic at all in real life, but something about my cat dominating me excites me so much. She owns me. She'll bite my nose and scratch my face in the morning so I can feed her. One time her claw went all the way through my lip and pleasure surged through my body like adrenaline. I love it when I'll get close to her and she'll raise her paw like she's about to scratch me and the fact I flinch in fear excites me like a child. People will ask why I have so many scratches on my body and my heart speeds up and I proudly proclaim my cat did it. I walk around with these scabs like badges of honor. I love my baby boy cat because of how sweet he is, but something about my new cat just makes me love her to death. 1% of the time, she'll show me some affection, only to get overstimulated and make me bleed, but I LOVE it! Can anyone relate at least a little bit or am I lowkey a freak?