As a guy, I'd find a 17 year-old woman being in a sexual relationship with a 36 year-old man a little squicky. Such relationships can be positive, but it's more common that they involve manipulation and exploitation - and it's not always the woman who's being used. It's just that the two people are at very different points in their lives, and it's hard to imagine what, apart from sex, they have in common.
Having said that, I find your relationship with the much-older woman less problematic. It's obviously sexual, but it seems to me that you might also be learning things about what it means to be a woman from someone who is possibly able to be more honest with you than your mother can be.
I agree with Couman: as long as you're above the age of consent and you haven't been manipulated into this, there's not necessarily anything wrong with it. And, as Nickvey says, your sexual relationships are of no concern to your mother.
Bear in mind, though, that what you're doing does not necessarily mean that you have to slap the label "LESBIAN" on your forehead and wear it for the rest of your life. You may indeed be a lesbian, and there's obviously nothing wrong with that, but at seventeen, many people are still trying to figure out who they are. Just as it often happens that people who believed they were heterosexual early in life come to understand that they have actually always been homosexual, so it's not uncommon for people to have homosexual relationships at your age and then decide they are heterosexual or bisexual.
As long as the relationship remains positive on both sides, you should just enjoy it and learn what you can from the older woman, about sex and life in general.
Given what you say about your mother, though, I would suggest you come up with a plausible cover-story for why you're spending so much time with the woman, and you need to make damn sure your mom doesn't catch you in a compromising position. The neighbor, if she cares about your well-being, should be very aware of your concerns and do her best to make sure your mom doesn't find out. If she tries to trivialize your concerns or wants to do things that increase the risk of your mother finding out, then you should consider just how much of this is about you two as a sort of couple, and how much it's about her having her fun with you.
IIN I'm involved with my lesbian neighbor who is older
← View full post
As a guy, I'd find a 17 year-old woman being in a sexual relationship with a 36 year-old man a little squicky. Such relationships can be positive, but it's more common that they involve manipulation and exploitation - and it's not always the woman who's being used. It's just that the two people are at very different points in their lives, and it's hard to imagine what, apart from sex, they have in common.
Having said that, I find your relationship with the much-older woman less problematic. It's obviously sexual, but it seems to me that you might also be learning things about what it means to be a woman from someone who is possibly able to be more honest with you than your mother can be.
I agree with Couman: as long as you're above the age of consent and you haven't been manipulated into this, there's not necessarily anything wrong with it. And, as Nickvey says, your sexual relationships are of no concern to your mother.
Bear in mind, though, that what you're doing does not necessarily mean that you have to slap the label "LESBIAN" on your forehead and wear it for the rest of your life. You may indeed be a lesbian, and there's obviously nothing wrong with that, but at seventeen, many people are still trying to figure out who they are. Just as it often happens that people who believed they were heterosexual early in life come to understand that they have actually always been homosexual, so it's not uncommon for people to have homosexual relationships at your age and then decide they are heterosexual or bisexual.
As long as the relationship remains positive on both sides, you should just enjoy it and learn what you can from the older woman, about sex and life in general.
Given what you say about your mother, though, I would suggest you come up with a plausible cover-story for why you're spending so much time with the woman, and you need to make damn sure your mom doesn't catch you in a compromising position. The neighbor, if she cares about your well-being, should be very aware of your concerns and do her best to make sure your mom doesn't find out. If she tries to trivialize your concerns or wants to do things that increase the risk of your mother finding out, then you should consider just how much of this is about you two as a sort of couple, and how much it's about her having her fun with you.