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I can't poop it out because I stuck it in there the wrong way. it's a star wars action figure it has a sharp light saber thats sticking in my anus i dunno what to do. no way im going to a doctor
You need to go to a hospital emergency clinic URGENTLY, unless you're prepared to risk a life threatening infection. Up to you unless you literally want to die out of fear of embarrassment.
And for goodness sake, assuming your arse recovers from this, buy yourself some dildoes and lots of lube and stop experimenting with unsuitable and dangerous objects!