Is it normal i love my ex?
We didnt work well as a couple but we soon broke up and remained best friends. He struggled a lot with his mental health which caused him to act in a pretty toxic way at times. Eventually he ghosted me after a fight, we'd had multiple of those lately so he was done he said he was sick of apologizing and he was sick of the emotions between us and how they complicate the friendship plus as I found out later he'd met someone. Which then I fully respect him moving on from me, it's the right decision. He's the only person from my past I have no bitterness towards.I saw him last week. I was driving and stuck in a line so I was just sitting there and suddenly I see him coming down the sidewalk with some girl.
I felt so happy inside I started smiling like crazy. It made my day I hadnt seen him in over 2 years. Of course I felt a bit of a stinging in my heart that the girl next to him wasn't me but most of all I felt happy to see him and hoped he's happy. I dont miss him or want him back in my life though, I just love him in a way i've never been able to love someone outside my family. I tend to romanticize even shitty people i've been involved with, or otherwise hate them, but when it comes to him I see all his sides, good and bad, and still love him. Without feeling sad or bitter.
I feel I should be as relaxed and myself with my current friends but I cant I dont feel the same natural feeling of trust and playfulness with them. I almost see them more as acquitances compared. It's quite funny since me and my ex were so different, that we still got so close. I treasure that. I'm afraid if we reconnected it wouldn't be the same, plus he was right about emotions complicating the friendship.